[INFP] INFP confession thread - Page 3286

INFP confession thread

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This is a discussion on INFP confession thread within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I am torn between the wish to die and end my relative misery or trying to fight some more and ...

  1. #32851

    I am torn between the wish to die and end my relative misery or trying to fight some more and live another day- another week.

    My health got to a point where I know I am really sick-- body and mind, but even faith can't seem to help. All I ever pray is "please, allow me to leave this world, because this isn't a life anymore". There is someone I love and I cherish every little moment talking to him, but the outcome will still be the same. I want out-- my body want out. Now I take it one day at a time, it's all I can manage. I don't make plans, I don't do anything at all.


    This is why everything feels surreal. I have to wonder why I do the simplest of acts. Showering, changing clothes so as not to always look like a walking corpse. I wonder why it's this way and I do everything in the dark-- dark is a comfort. It makes the unbearable, bearable, in some way.

    I've stopped looking for meaning in an existence that probably do not have any--, what gave meaning to this existance before? I have no idea. Maybe it never had any meaning, any sense, and everything was supposed to end like this.

    It's survival. Getting ill made me see the world through my emotions only. What I was trying to say is--

    Yes. I don't want to be fixed, cured. I simply want out. Find out the meaning of life through death and see if there is anything beyoond that would give me the freedom of being outside this cage.
    burningsoul, Im FiNe, Pensive Fine and 1 others thanked this post.

  2. #32852

    Quote Originally Posted by hellonearth View Post
    I am torn between the wish to die and end my relative misery or trying to fight some more and live another day- another week.

    My health got to a point where I know I am really sick-- body and mind, but even faith can't seem to help. All I ever pray is "please, allow me to leave this world, because this isn't a life anymore". There is someone I love and I cherish every little moment talking to him, but the outcome will still be the same. I want out-- my body want out. Now I take it one day at a time, it's all I can manage. I don't make plans, I don't do anything at all.


    This is why everything feels surreal. I have to wonder why I do the simplest of acts. Showering, changing clothes so as not to always look like a walking corpse. I wonder why it's this way and I do everything in the dark-- dark is a comfort. It makes the unbearable, bearable, in some way.

    I've stopped looking for meaning in an existence that probably do not have any--, what gave meaning to this existance before? I have no idea. Maybe it never had any meaning, any sense, and everything was supposed to end like this.

    It's survival. Getting ill made me see the world through my emotions only. What I was trying to say is--

    Yes. I don't want to be fixed, cured. I simply want out. Find out the meaning of life through death and see if there is anything beyoond that would give me the freedom of being outside this cage.
    Come back. Please come back from the ledge. There is some life on this side. I really don't know what. May be just may be something might be wrong with your eyes. I know I had a whole wrong way of looking at things and it burnt down my entire twenties. Come back. I don't know your situation but more often than not there is a parasite eating at our souls and it is always too late by the time we realize that it has been so. But I am telling you it is not too late. You can be a free person and can find meaning in the smallest of ways in life. Screw those who say meaning has to be grand and marvelous. I wish you well, love, I wish you well. I hope you find something to hope for.

  3. #32853
    Unknown Personality

    I'm addicted to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I don't really dig Vegemite (I'm from Oz).

  4. #32854

    Hyperthymesia

    To God be the glory!

  5. #32855

    I thought this celebrity was in love with me. Since getting the injections everything has become more difficult even talking; the side effects have stolen my personality, it makes me stiff, forgetful, less creative and a whole hosts of other things.
    Last edited by Jenjeyll; 10-15-2019 at 12:18 PM.

  6. #32856
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenjeyll View Post
    I ended up in a mental hospital because I thought this celebrity was in love with me
    Sounds rough. What made you think they were in love with you? How did the mental hospital act toward you?
    Jenjeyll thanked this post.

  7. #32857

    I basically thought I saw said celebrity by my house where they were walking towards me- somehow that translated to loving me in my mind at the time. The mental hospital was horrible the doctors didn't listen and there were patients who were way worse off than me-talking to themselves and having angry outbursts and being confined was horrible not being able to go outside.
    lokasenna thanked this post.

  8. #32858
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenjeyll View Post
    I basically thought I saw said celebrity by my house where they were walking towards me- somehow that translated to loving me in my mind at the time. The mental hospital was horrible the doctors didn't listen and there were patients who were way worse off than me-talking to themselves and having angry outbursts and being confined was horrible not being able to go outside.
    I'm sorry you experienced that. I hope you're able to stop the injections soon. If you're an adult and not under a court-mandated treatment order, it is possible to extricate yourself from the entire system. I'm not recommending anything, as it's not my place, but the option would be there.
    Jenjeyll thanked this post.

  9. #32859

    I hope the injections stop soon too, I've got a meeting coming up to discuss treatment- so fingers crossed it will be stopped. I appreciate your input, thank you.
    lokasenna thanked this post.

  10. #32860

    @hellonearth ,

    I am so sorry you're going through such a rough time.

    You mentioned faith, and I just want to emphasize on how important it is, to keep faith.

    I don't know your views but what really changed my life (and got me out of my own personal "hell") was reaching out to God/Jesus and surrendering my life to Him. I understand the desire to go away from this life, I really do. Especially when you're in deep pain, physically and / or emotionally. But know this: you are here for a reason, you are not a mistake and this situation isn't going to last forever.
    Your pain will be gone one day, and it'll make room for peace and joy. Please just don't give up.

    If I may, I suggest reading / listening to the book of Job in the Old Testament: text

    Audio:


    It's a really great story that explains that sometimes, we go through hard times seemingly for no reason, but in the end, everything makes sense, and there is a purpose to our suffering. And God is with us even in the midst of the storm.

    I have prayed for you, friend. When you have no more strength left, lean on the One whose strength is limitless. He will sustain you.
    OdinsVardogr thanked this post.


     

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