[INFP] Mental Illness

Mental Illness

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This is a discussion on Mental Illness within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; What have you been either diagnosed with or believe that you have? Explain a little about what your issue entails... ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Mental Illness

    What have you been either diagnosed with or believe that you have? Explain a little about what your issue entails...

    What is life like living with your disease? What benefits or drawbacks are there?

    Are you open about your illness with others? Or do you try to cover it all up?

    Any other thoughts, feeling, or ideas you have are greatly appreciated...

    Derrick
    Stillwater and Coccinellidae thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    I have clinical depression... Well, used to. I am so happy now!

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    Diagnosed with OCD and "mood unstability".
    I'm a bit borderline, but I love each little crazy minute of it.
    Up those crazy folks.
    rainingthroughmyhead thanked this post.

  4. #4
    Unknown Personality

    According to a personality disorder test I have five personality disorders: Avoidant, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Histrionic and Narcissistic. I've researched each of these and all have niches in my personality. However I'm starting to wonder I also have Bipolar Disorder (instead of normal depression.) All day Tuesday and yesterday I suddenly fell into a deep depression where I quickly started having suicidal thoughts. All day yesterday I despaired inside, I saw the long term and could find no way to find fulfilment in my life, the only exception being death. Essentially I believed I had become a mere relic of the past, offering nothing but mediocrity to the world. My novel I'm writing? Doomed to fail. Two sides of my mind were arguing and debating over the decision to live or the decision to die (my idealism sides with the pro-suicide idea, seeing nothing but an idealised image of sadness and despair) and I was caught in the middle of the conflict. It was the worst suicide experience in recent memory, but I may just be saying that because my brain wants to forget the gory details. Today I felt melancholy (with the sharp suicide edge faded) an "intangible moment" of thoughts, a moment of euphoria, a resurgent moment of depression and now my mind is "normal" but feels a little tired and exhausted. So in the end I went full cycle from life-enjoyment, to death-desire and back to life-enjoyment in a few days, the greatest depth into suicidal hopelessness to near full recovery occuring in less than twenty four hours. What was worse though, is that nobody at work noticed anything odd (from the usual odd) whatsoever with my behaviour. I was the same distant yet warm, intriguing yet funny eccentric I've always been. I achieved my highest sales stats all month in these past few days. Has it all been a lie? A mania? Did I blow it all out of proportion in my mind?

    It isn't just that though. My "intangible moments" (for lack of a better term) occur usually as an extreme end different from depression or euphoria. In it, I usually consider my philosophical ideas, theories, abstract concepts and the like. Yet there is a lot which is intangible, I can't find words, structures to explain it. Just a whole bucket load of ineffable (this is a big problem for me here also, I can't answer many questions I probably have an opinion for.) Sometimes when I think philosophical, my mind feels like its running on pure euphoria and nothing else, that its greatly over-extended and exhausted. Sometimes I feel sickly, as if my mind is being pulled in directions it shouldn't be. It's really odd and a little unfortunate (thinking philosophically is one of my favourite hobbies!) Plus I can think about such issues to a lesser degree without problems. I hope its only a loss of energy from an introvert over-stimulation.

    That's probably the lot of it, but I'm sick of all this now, even though I can go months with little except mild depression or inertia. Would anti-depressants do the trick? It's hard to think positively when your brain seems almost engineered to perceive how you went wrong rather than what you did right.
    Last edited by Ectoplasm; 09-30-2010 at 03:31 PM.
    faeriegal713, susurration, clear moon and 3 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Ectoplasm View Post
    According to a personality disorder test I have five personality disorders: Avoidant, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Histrionic and Narcissistic. I've researched each of these and all have niches in my personality. However I'm starting to wonder I also have Bipolar Disorder (instead of normal depression.) All day Tuesday and yesterday I suddenly fell into a deep depression where I quickly started having suicidal thoughts. All day yesterday I despaired inside, I saw the long term and could find no way to find fulfilment in my life, the only exception being death. Essentially I believed I had become a mere relic of the past, offering nothing but mediocrity to the world. My novel I'm writing? Doomed to fail. Two sides of my mind were arguing and debating over the decision to live or the decision to die (my idealism sides with the pro-suicide idea, seeing nothing but an idealised image of sadness and despair) and I was caught in the middle of the conflict. It was the worst suicide experience in recent memory, but I may just be saying that because my brain wants to forget the gory details. Today I felt melancholy (with the sharp suicide edge faded) an "intangible moment" of thoughts, a moment of euphoria, a resurgent moment of depression and now my mind is "normal" but feels a little tired and exhausted. What was worse though, is that nobody at work noticed anything odd (from the usual odd) whatsoever with my behaviour. I was the same distant yet warm, intriguing yet funny eccentric I've always been. I achieved my highest sales stats all month in these past few days. Has it all been a lie? A mania? Did I blow it all out of proportion in my mind?

    It isn't just that though. My "intangible moments" (for lack of a better term) occur usually as an extreme end different from depression or euphoria. In it, I usually consider my philosophical ideas, theories, abstract concepts and the like. Yet there is a lot which is intangible, I can't find words, structures to explain it. Just a whole bucket load of ineffable (this is a big problem for me here also, I can't answer many questions I probably have an opinion for.) Sometimes when I think philosophical, my mind feels like its running on pure euphoria and nothing else, that its greatly over-extended and exhausted. Sometimes I feel sickly, as if my mind is being pulled in directions it shouldn't be. It's really odd and a little unfortunate (thinking philosophically is one of my favourite hobbies!) Plus I can think about such issues to a lesser degree without problems. I hope its only a loss of energy from an introvert over-stimulation.

    That's probably the lot of it, but I'm sick of all this now, even though I can go months with little except mild depression or inertia. Would anti-depressants do the trick? It's hard to think positively when your brain seems almost engineered to perceive how you went wrong rather than what you did right.
    I feel like you. I'm sure I'm an undiagnosed bipolar or something like that. High five! xD
    anyway...
    in that test, I always get very high Schizotypal and Borderline.
    Ectoplasm and rainingthroughmyhead thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    I've never been to the doctor about any of these things, but still they are very real.

    I have, for sure, general anxiety disorder and relatively frequent panic attacks.
    Sometimes I think I have a slight case of bipolar disorder. I go from being lazy and more or less down, to being so happy that I cry and smile and cannot see a bad thing in life.
    I worry that I am going to develop or start developing schizophrenia, because I feel "weird" a lot, and my anxiety can be so bad that I fear it will cause schizophrenia, or something. I know I don't actually have it because I'm pretty well-put together and the things I say make sense, and I'm not paranoid or anything. But one of my uncles has it and sometimes I worry.
    And the last thing pertains to the "feeling weird" that I just mentioned; feeling like things aren't real or thinking things like, "what IS that house right there and why is it there, etc etc", which I've attributed to depersonalization disorder.

    I think a lot of this is just my strange way of thinking, though, and not really any serious mental illness. Except for the anxiety.
    NinjaSwan, Goosefish and rainingthroughmyhead thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    (never mind)
    Last edited by Matchbook; 09-30-2010 at 07:08 PM.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Currently, I have a phobia about driving/social anxiety, as well as ADHD/Asperger's. Uh, I think that's it... At the moment. Previously, ha, it was a mess of things.
    rainingthroughmyhead thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type II disorder at the age of 21 but I was already about 90% sure that I suffered from it at the time I read an article about various mental illnesses at the age of 15. I did further research and found that I could check off pretty much all the symptoms. I think what surprised me the most was when I did sit down with a psychiatrist how many more checks I could make even as I was trying to avoid them. :-/

    The only reason I did go in to see someone was when the depression was bad enough that I was calling in to work, waking up late and missing the bus, not getting anything done, avoiding people more than usual, and several days/weeks where I was thinking about suicide as more than just an idle thought... I was a mess. I'd been there several times before, but I was usually picked up out of it by band or theater or friends or whatnot. I've been back there several times since. As for the hypomania side of things, I loved it. I could get so much done and wasn't tired and was so much more creative and able to do whatever I wanted or needed to. There are times I wish I could be in a constant state of hypo-mania. At the same time, it's not healthy to always be in that state and I know I would wear my body and my mind down until I forced myself into a severe depression just in order to recover. Actually, I know that's happened naturally at least twice.

    I've been on medication since I was diagnosed, though not consistently - from May '09 to Feb '10 I was off medication due to being deployed by the Army and the facility I was at not having the medication I take. I'm fairly open about it with friends and some co-workers, but I do not feel comfortable speaking with any of my patients about it, even if it could help some to know that I understand where they're coming from a bit better. I've heard too many times, "You can't work here if you're sick too. They should screen for that!" So I don't tell them that the reason I know all these different coping skills and side effects of Lamictal and Ambien and Ambien CR or whatever else I've tried is because of that - I've taken the medication. They don't know why I'm so passionate about helping them and knowing that they CAN live a full life, all they know is that I believe in them, and so that's enough.

    So... yeah... if anyone has questions or assistance finding help, don't hesitate to PM me. I truly want to help, and sometimes knowing that you're not doing something alone is what you need. *hugs*
    NinjaSwan, murderegina, Coccinellidae and 2 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    I think people over analyze and think they have all these "disorders". I remember reading that by the time of death 80% of people will be diagnosed with some sort of "disorder"...... People are all different, I don't know why all these things are considered "disorders".
    caffeine, faeriegal713, NinjaSwan and 10 others thanked this post.


     
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