[INFP] External Validation vs Internal/Self Validation

External Validation vs Internal/Self Validation

View Poll Results: Which of these have you received the most external validation on?

Voters
29. You may not vote on this poll
  • Career Achievements

    0 0%
  • Character/Values

    7 24.14%
  • Academic Achievements/Intelligence

    8 27.59%
  • Appearance

    5 17.24%
  • Personality

    6 20.69%
  • Talents/Skills (Non-career, at least as yet)

    3 10.34%
Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21
Thank Tree52Thanks

This is a discussion on External Validation vs Internal/Self Validation within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I thought it would be interesting to see how the world reacts to us versus what we actually value in ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists


    External Validation vs Internal/Self Validation

    I thought it would be interesting to see how the world reacts to us versus what we actually value in ourselves. And dear meek, modest INFPs, please don't be self conscious in the polling - external validation is just that (i.e. not your personal opinion of yourself)...

    What have you noticed you receive the most external validation (i.e. praise/positive comments, appreciation, attention) on ?

    vs


    What, in all honesty, do you value most/like best in yourself?


    I'll start -

    While I do not presently have a wall full of diplomas, I have since childhood been praised most for my academic performance/intelligence (these are by no means equal but where I went to school, sadly, that's the broad opinion). I have done/do all right with paper qualifications but I suspect this impression has largely been the effect of a generally bookish appearance :P..

    vs


    As for what I like best in myself : it would fall under 'character' possibly...I've pretty much paid the price for not living the way most of my peers do - materially, socially etc.. - but for all the things I will probably not accumulate by the time I die, I hope to have retained quite a bit of self-worth in having lived my life with as much integrity as I could.
    Last edited by sensei.of.slow; 11-17-2014 at 04:41 AM.
    Sangoire, Im FiNe, Thay and 2 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Even though it wouldn't be the most anyway, I couldn't group academic performance with intelligence lol. Intelligence is probably the one thing I'm least modest about. I'm well above average and I have no shame in saying that. School, however, is pretty much the bane of my adolescent and young adult existence. I'm too depressed and unmotivated. I get high As on all my tests and will still fail the class/get Bs and Cs. In middle school I was better on the academic performance front. Advanced classes, academic bowl, those silly "academic excellence" awards they did in assembly every semester.

    I would say it's generally personality, then talents and skills. I know the latter is the big one as far as my family's praise, but the former is the case in a wider range of people. I get the creative, kind, smart, good listener, whatever type comments from friends.

    Me personally, it's my character/values.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    I've been praised mostly for my intelligence (academic achievements when I was younger, but people I run into tell me how smart I am all the time), but I've received a good amount of praise for my personality and character/values.

    EDIT: I know I'm a smart person, and I take a small measure of pride in that. I also like my character and integrity.
    Last edited by TheNewThirteen; 11-17-2014 at 07:03 AM. Reason: forgot the self-validation part in my post
    sensei.of.slow and Thay thanked this post.

  4. #4
    Unknown Personality


    All of it, and then some, obviously Not that I've ever done anything to "deserve" validation, any more than anyone else. Just blind, random luck.
    sensei.of.slow thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Difficult question, I ended up voting academic acheivement/intelligence for external validation, if looking back over the years that is probably the one, but I didn't do well the last years in school, and that is long ago now. Once in a while people will say I am smart or things to that effect. Perhaps it is a draw on that and personality if looking just to the last few years though, in work they sometimes said I was calm and helpfull and meticulous.

    Myself... I don't know. I value my values obviously, otherwise I would have other values. But I don't think much of my character presently. Had I been able to say I was pleased with my character, that would probably be the one I'd choose though I think, perhaps. Or personality, though I find myself pretty damn annoying at times, and despise myself for my laziness, and think my petty bursts of anger are despicable, I do appreciate my taste and find my interests interesting, and my humour funny :) strange would it be otherwise. Or career acheivements, haha. I have never held a really proper employment, just temporary stuff and traineepositions. But the bits when I did do some work I am pretty satisfied with what I have done.
    sensei.of.slow, Im FiNe and Thay thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    Here's what I get validated on the most:

    1. Character/Values- (Specifically within my family, church, and school setting)
    2. Talents/Skills (Non-career, at least as yet)- (A lot, as pertaining to relations with people and my artistic abilities)
    3. Academic Achievements/Intelligence- (Quite a bit)

    EDIT:

    I think I value my talents, personality, and appearance the most.

    I of course do value all of the other things, but even though people say compared to some I'm a saint in the realm of values, personally I don't think I deserve that because I'm just as faulty as other.

    I take pride in the skills that I have. I often feel like I don't measure up to people in other ways so when I am good at something (Like my art) I like to perfect it and while I don't want anyone else congratulating me on my projects or looking at what I've done, I enjoy knowing and keeping to myself that I'm pretty talented. :)

    Of course I'm quite vain as well. While I do struggle with my image often, I value my appearance highly. When I have a good hair day, I'll let myself know. When I'm looking amazing, it's one of the best feelings in the world. I could have a great hair, face, and body day, I could have some really crappy things happen to me but for some reason the day is still just amazing.
    Last edited by Sargon; 11-18-2014 at 10:30 AM.
    sensei.of.slow, attic and Thay thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    External: Appearance and talent. If we're talking about people outside of family, appearance is a big one, I dress strange, but it works for me, so I always get the "Oooh I like your eyes/clothing, where did you get it/ how did you do it??" It's basically the only way I can get through to people I don't know without actually speaking to them...ya know? As for talent, it's from both family and peers. I would rather my peers mind their business and not look at my random doodles. People are oh so nosey... it really irritates me... and then they ask if I can draw them something... -.- no I don't know you and I'm not wasting pencil lead on you. Sigh...I'm not sure where I was going with this...anywho...

    vs.

    My talent/ skill is the only thing I honestly feel somewhat adequate at. It makes me feel better about myself. Even if I truly am crap at art, I refuse to see it since it kinda makes me feel like I have some sort of purpose. All the other crap doesn't really matter. I don't really care if people like my strange drawings or clothing b/c they're for me. I feel selfish saying this, but I don't really care about people's praises since I don't find it genuine...if that makes sense... I am rambling, so yeah, that's all.
    sensei.of.slow, attic and Thay thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    External: Appearance and talent. If we're talking about people outside of family, appearance is a big one, I dress strange, but it works for me, so I always get the "Oooh I like your eyes/clothing, where did you get it/ how did you do it??" It's basically the only way I can get through to people I don't know without actually speaking to them...ya know? As for talent, it's from both family and peers. I would rather my peers mind their business and not look at my random doodles. People are oh so nosey... it really irritates me... and then they ask if I can draw them something... -.- no I don't know you and I'm not wasting pencil lead on you. Sigh...I'm not sure where I was going with this...anywho...


    My talent/ skill and values are the only things I honestly feel make me feel better about myself. Even if I truly am crap at art, even if my beliefs are irrational to others, I refuse to give them up for the sake of others feelings/ opinions of either topic.
    sensei.of.slow and Thay thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists


    :) It's interesting that many of us temper external validation with a more rigorous analysis of ourselves that fits demanding personal standards. Almost as if we check against the internal guide if the external validation is credible. Probably from a realisation that it's nice to get a pat on the back or meet the system's measures of achievement but these measures remain somewhat arbitrarily defined and there is an ever present disjuncture between what others are able to perceive and who you are.
    ...
    Then, there’s definitely a gap between what we can perceive of ourselves and who we may be… Seems both sources of validation are meant to work in concert…



    Interesting to note from @Syvelocin and @Sargon that we get different kinds of external validation depending on who we interact with.. How and where you spend your day really matters then..

    Quote Originally Posted by attic View Post
    Myself... I don't know. I value my values obviously, otherwise I would have other values. But I don't think much of my character presently. Had I been able to say I was pleased with my character, that would probably be the one I'd choose though I think, perhaps. Or personality, though I find myself pretty damn annoying at times, and despise myself for my laziness, and think my petty bursts of anger are despicable, I do appreciate my taste and find my interests interesting, and my humour funny :) strange would it be otherwise. Or career acheivements, haha. I have never held a really proper employment, just temporary stuff and traineepositions. But the bits when I did do some work I am pretty satisfied with what I have done.
    This was truly awesome! Self-validation is a pretty intricate patchwork of wonderful things...and I find it very illuminating to see that it can come this way - while reflecting on things that meet your high expectations of yourself and noting bits that are still in 'work-in-progress' mode.. Incidentally, @attic you have a lot of character! It's often more straightforward to take a stable, pays-the-bills job where you phone it in every day than to only allow yourself to do work that satisfies you. Seriously, awesome :)

    @TheNewThirteen and @Thay
    I wonder if being validated in many areas creates a very robust sense of self indirectly. You don’t take direction from the outside because it doesn’t steer you in any one way on where your strengths lie...Self validation ( maybe even a healthy dose of self 'invalidation'/effacement like @Thay ) then becomes the main way you critically evaluate yourself.
    Last edited by sensei.of.slow; 11-17-2014 at 09:00 PM.
    attic, Im FiNe and Thay thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    I receive the most validation with my personality(Character/values included). Friend's always tell me they like the way I think and enjoy kind of my overall humorous way of doing things.

    I generally take pride in my personality, ability to feel emotion deeply(although it's a double edged sword), and like previously stated my intelligence. That being said I do tend to be hard on myself(perfectionist standards and all) in those very areas and on me as a whole. Working on lighting up though ;), my E friends help me with that.
    sensei.of.slow, attic and Thay thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [ENTJ] Internal v External validation, finding a balance?
    By Mr Canis in forum ENTJ Forum - The Executives
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 10-06-2017, 06:05 PM
  2. [ENFJ] Independence from external validation and human contact
    By radu in forum ENFJ Forum - The Givers
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 10-19-2013, 04:43 PM
  3. [Enneagram Type 3] The need for external validation.
    By Scruffy in forum Type 3 Forum - The Achiever
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-10-2011, 08:26 PM
  4. [INFJ] Validation
    By CarmelinaGunn in forum INFJ Forum - The Protectors
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-12-2011, 01:36 PM
  5. [INFP] validation
    By unicornparty in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 11-30-2010, 07:14 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:03 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0