[INFP] INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with? - Page 2

INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with?

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This is a discussion on INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; In overall, a good guideline for life is not to care what anyone says about anything in the internet. And ...

  1. #11
    INFP - The Idealists

    In overall, a good guideline for life is not to care what anyone says about anything in the internet.

    And I think there are at least as many positive posts about INFPs as there are negatives. And these posts about INFPs don't really say anything about you. It's just talk about a category called INFPs, not you personally. And every type has its annoying and unlikeable sides, not just INFPs. There are a lot of people I don't like so it's okay that there are also people who don't like me regardless of type. Who cares if some INTJ/ENFP/AJDN in some forum don't like INFPs, it affects your life 0 %, unless you let it.

    I do think I'm likeable and lovable. Lucky are those who get to live with me.
    will-o'-wisp, kittypuppy, frugivore and 6 others thanked this post.

  2. #12
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by ninjahitsawall View Post
    Tbh, I think you are paying more attention to the negative posts and not as much to the positive ones. The OP of the thread you posted was expressing appreciation of INFP's. Then there was that post that came in defending INFP's when someone said they are hypocritical. There were several others that said positive things as well.

    Also, what happened to this? "We're actually very independent and often don't care what people think. Sometimes it can actually be quite difficult for me to adequately express the degree to which I don't give a shit what people think.*"

    INTJ's also have Fi and I can relate to that myself... it's the Fe that gets wrapped up in the social stuff, I thought. So my question is, why do you care about the criticisms? Or is that statement not entirely accurate?
    Of course there are a few INTJs who like us, and as I said in the OP, the thread I posted was a bad example. Regarding friendships a bunch of them don't seem to mind and even do quite like us, from middling to quite a bit. I have very rarely heard positive things from INTJs about romantic relationships with INFPs. it's not that i'm 'ignoring' the positive, it's that the negative is disproportionately more common. I think anyone who persuses these forums quite a lot and all different sites and pays attention to what is said about INFPs on all sides, would agree. and INTJ is just one example... check out INFJ threads on INFPs, for instance. Really most threads on INFPs in romantic relationships by most other types will be quite negative or mostly negative. Rarely will a person of another type come to our forum to ask about relationship questions or say 'I love you guys!' In threads where INFPs are supposed to be praised, it's mainly us praising ourselves! I've been around these forums, all kinds of MBTI forums online, reddit etc. and the trends apply.

    i can't really speak for all INFPs, but i definitely do care what people think. i wish we lived in a world where people weren't ostracized or condemned for being a bit different from the norm. to the extent that i need to express myself, i don't care because expression overrides feeling accepted i guess, but of course i'm human and it hurts when people don't like how i am. i'm not actually an alien, although it may seem like it sometimes. I'm not really trying to be negative, I'm just observing a trend that seems pretty damn clear to me after all this time. I'm not even drawing too many conclusions about it, it just seems to be how it is. I'm not saying that EVERYONE dislikes INFPs or has problems with our type particularly in romance, it's just that there's a noticeably larger amount of negativity about us compared to nearly everyone else. there is certainly a bunch of sensor hate but sensing types don't frequent the boards as much + are generally more accepted by society at large anyway. I just find it a bit sad that INFPs are so consistently criticized by other intuitives online + also not accepted in the world. When you break it down to the functions it's not surprising, I just thought it was worth mentioning.

  3. #13
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by ponyjoyride View Post
    In overall, a good guideline for life is not to care what anyone says about anything in the internet.

    And I think there are at least as many positive posts about INFPs as there are negatives. And these posts about INFPs don't really say anything about you. It's just talk about a category called INFPs, not you personally. And every type has its annoying and unlikeable sides, not just INFPs. There are a lot of people I don't like so it's okay that there are also people who don't like me regardless of type. Who cares if some INTJ/ENFP/AJDN in some forum don't like INFPs, it affects your life 0 %, unless you let it.

    I do think I'm likeable and lovable. Lucky are those who get to live with me.
    I'm not even trying to be negative but realistically, do you actually think there are more positive posts about INFPs than negatives by other types? especially when it comes to romantic relationships? I've been around awhile (not just posting but lurking) and I do find that hard to believe, especially when perusing other feeler forums. I myself think INFPs are wonderful and valuable, I just don't see that same value perceived about us by other types online. We don't usually get raves, ya know? And you know, with a dom judging function + being super introverted and feely in this world, I do get it. We aren't super accessible and our best parts are often not fully shown. I just thought it was enough of a trend to point out.

    IDK I don't think something being written online precludes it from grabbing my attention... people are people and I like listening to what they have to say. Sure, I'm not every INFP but I'm not enough of a special snowflake to think I'm that entirely different... some of the criticisms people have about our type I certainly share in one way or another.

    Whatever. I just thought it was woth mentioning as I've had conversations about this with other types in the past on a different forum (namely one INTP) who observed the same thing. I didn't at all intend for my post to put down our type, I just thought it was interesting that I hadn't really seen this kind of thing mentioned + it's been clear to me for a long time.

  4. #14
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Focus on the few, not the many.

    Honestly, yes, I think most people do not like INFPs. I'd say the same for INTJs. If you focus on your alienation, you won't see the love, understanding, and unconditional acceptance that may be right under your nose.

    *full disclosure* I love INFPs, so incorporate that biased error into your models.
    ninjahitsawall, NIHM, Turlowe and 19 others thanked this post.

  5. #15
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Pyogenes View Post
    Focus on the few, not the many.

    Honestly, yes, I think most people do not like INFPs. I'd say the same for INTJs. If you focus on your alienation, you won't see the love, understanding, and unconditional acceptance that may be right under your nose.

    *full disclosure* I love INFPs, so incorporate that biased error into your models.
    Yea we're 'The Big Picture' people, so seeing things that are under our nose is kind of hard ;) :p
    ninjahitsawall and Pyogenes thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INFP - The Idealists

    *shrug* i agree with you op, and identify with your feelings of alienation 100% but honestly why is it so important to feel desired in the first place? I have found that being in the "worst" positions socially as individuals often gives one the best view of reality and the strongest ability to invoke change. Even feeling "unhappy" and "alienated" yes these feelings are on a sensory level not pleasurable but they also give you a certain emotional/internal strength and understanding of yourself and others that people who never experience this just will never understand. i feel that at a certain point if you are able to find a cause to fight for in our miserable society you just break through being unhappy with yourself/how most people superficially perceive you and fucking decide to make your existence and heightened awareness of reality actually WORTH SOMETHING outside of your individual, tiny ego-controlled body...

    You don't have to be the most popular person in order to be able to work meaningfully with other people in the world. Beings unpopular sure is not the most desirable position ---when you are siding with the position of people with power, but to be able to look past popularity/past bodily desire itself is probably the true struggle/most significant struggle for the infp. Transcend your own fucking individual limitations/ego desire and look at all that you can effect in the world from your unique perspective and whose impact will be far greater than whether or not you ever have a boyfriend/whether you have 100 friends or whatever the hell. Honestly I think the fact that our society has brainwashed us to value all of the most meaningless of pleasure-based, materialistic desires is probably why infps usually feel so lost and confused in this world. Fight for what you know is important outside of what will only benefit you materially and all insecurities will fade away.

    Not sure if this makes sense or sounds really hostile, sorry not my intention i just wish infps realized how important a place in society we hold and that it always seems to be the menial emotional bullshit details that always hold us back.
    refugee, mushr00m, attic and 7 others thanked this post.

  7. #17
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by harpseal View Post
    Fight for what you know is important outside of what will only benefit you materially and all insecurities will fade away.
    :standing ovation:

    I know that if I had not had to endure false criticism of my gender, if I had enough privilege to protect me from the parts of patriarchy I don't like, then I would still be going around telling people how much easier their lives would be if they would just submit more to authority. I think the same goes for other forms of unfair criticism. If my personality were widely attractive, I might never have looked outside myself to see who else needed to be included.

    It's still unfair, don't get me wrong. But it does make the appreciation, when it happens, seem all the more significant. :group hug:
    harpseal, Chronicles and Fizzyade thanked this post.

  8. #18
    INFP - The Idealists

    To begin with I am not sure there is such a trend as infps being less liked than other types. I have not experienced that, and I am pretty vigligant about negative criticism. And as @yippy said, comments tend to be negative, especially on the internet I think. That I think is a trend.

    About intj's in particular, aren't they generally pretty focused on effectivising and improving? Fixing? Perhaps they feel positive things about infps, but vocalise what they think needs improvement? For a romantic relationship, it might not be the most common, but I have seen infps write about relationships with intjs on this forum, that seemed happy, so it must be possible :) . Generally I think most people want a minimum level of similarity in a romantic relationship, especially if sharing a home, both for communication and habits matching each other decently. So it is only natural some types will be a more common fit I think, though all is possible (And taste is like the butt -divided. As the old saying goes).

    In the linked thread about why intj's might hate infps there almost seemed to be a consensus that they didn't, as far as I read. One person said working together would perhaps not be great. I could see that perhaps, having pretty different approaches, but also complementing each other on the other hand, if the differences could be overcome. From my experience they have a more structured and clear thinking process than me, and more knowledge often, but more easily get stuck when something new arises, and I can come up with new solutions and ideas quicker, though often using their knowledge in the process "what about doing like that, could it work? is it possible to...?", thinking a bit broader.

    I think @harpseal have a very valid point as well. It is not perhaps the most desirable thing to be liked by most (to me it is very important to be liked by a few, but as long as my closest(could do with a few more close ones though) like me, who cares about the rest?). It depends on why they dislike you I think. It is a valid question to ask why people don't like infps, if it is true, I think, perhaps there are things that need improvement. But perhaps there is a purpose to it, being uncomfortable. I have a book... Dangerous thoughts? think that was the title, which argues similar to harpseal I think, that you need to be uncomfortable to make significant change. It argues that people don't like the new, unfamiliar, new habits, new concepts... that our brains reward small new changes, but significant ones produce stresshormones. To be someone who dare be uncomfortable will bring on negative judgement from others. But it also serve an important role.

  9. #19

    I think it's quite hard for INFPs. They are naturally sensitive and their self awareness coupled with their sensitivity can make them feel sorry for themselves if they're not on top of things. That's not a criticism, just an observation.

    I think that INFPs are lovely, and they have so much going for them, just as much as any other type. Other types all have their horrible sides too, and anyone who isn't mentally healthy, no matter what their type, can be a massive pain in the ass. I know I have been.
    refugee, ElliCat, Chronicles and 4 others thanked this post.

  10. #20
    INTJ - The Scientists

    The other day, a INFP mentioned how it is the worst personality type, and nobody likes them, and, honestly, I don't see it. I was actually quite puzzled by this affirmation. I'd say it is easier to see other personality types as having a bigger quantity of positive traits, however, when it is your own, you can easily see how limitating they are. Depending on how you look at it, mostly any trait can be a talent or a curse.

    Quote Originally Posted by attic View Post
    [...]
    About intj's in particular, aren't they generally pretty focused on effectivising and improving? Fixing? Perhaps they feel positive things about infps, but vocalise what they think needs improvement?
    [...]
    This is often the case, at least for me.

    The most interesting conversations I've had were with INFPs, quite a number of them were actually life changing. Obviously, I've never mentioned that to them.
    What I have mentioned, however, is the defeatism and tendency to self-loathing that I've seen in the ones I know. I tried to show them how to change a situation that they were not happy about, even taking action if it was something I could do. It seems a bit offensive now, even though I didn't mean to offend.

    I've never been in a romantic relationship with an INFP, even though I find them quite attractive. There is some random hate thrown towards stereotypical features around the online community, but this alone does not disqualify a person and I'm sure some people can make things work, despite of the differences. This is also not something to be offended about, the same way some people think they would have trouble dealing with you, you may have trouble dealing with them. It is not an offense, just a tendency.
    Mattylad, MeltedSorbet, lilysocks and 7 others thanked this post.


     
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