[INFP] INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with?

INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with?

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This is a discussion on INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Does anyone find it disheartening how there are so many posts critical of INFPs online, and so very few that ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFPs are unlikeable/unlovable/unable to be lived with?

    Does anyone find it disheartening how there are so many posts critical of INFPs online, and so very few that are positive? I was reading some threads on other sites/forums about how INFPs interact with other types,(last of which was this, on the INTJ site: Why don't INTJs like INFPs? - INTJ Forum which really wasn't even close to the worst of it) and I'm not gonna lie, it kinda hurt me a bit... I had no idea that people who had similar personalities to me were SO unappealing to others. I mean, I knew my personality type wasn't the coolest, flashiest or most popular, but the criticism is just SO MUCH and that thread isn't the best example. It also makes me worried that I'm inherently flawed when it comes to finding love and there is so much to overcome... I know type isn't everything, but there's an overwhelming trend between INTJs and ENFPs, and everyone likes INFJs, INFJs seem to be quite vocal in their dislike of us, and ENTJs don't seem to be particularly fond of us, so on and so forth. People are either 'meh' about us + often the best thing they can say is that we're 'harmless' or something. We don't register or we really piss people off. If there is something nice to say it's always 'oh INFPs are cool I guess, BUT ...' There's none of that soulmate relations trend that our other feelers seem to have. people say ENFJ but I NEVER seen an INFP-ENFJ relationship that has lasted. this all makes me wish i was a charismatic, bright ENFP or something.

    I suppose this is a whiny post, but it's also not... it's more of an observation. In all my time perusing the forums, MBTI community on reddit, all separate personality sites, etc we are definitely the most vocally disliked while simultaneously being seemingly the most overlooked + perhaps disliked + deemed as useless in society. Additionally as a 4w5, I feel so alien. Has anyone felt this sense of alienation from the various communities, or re-affirmation of low self-esteem? It's been such a clear trend to me, and I'm surprised more people don't note it
    Last edited by sarahbelle68; 12-15-2014 at 03:15 AM.
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  2. #2

    Like sensors, INFPs seem to be popular as a category people use for dismissing everybody people disliked growing up. It has little to nothing to do with actual INFPs and a lot to do with people's need for categorization.

    That dumb jock in high school? OBVIOUSLY must have been an ESTP. That prissy conservative girl? ISFJ. Pretentious goth guy that constantly talked about how his upper-middle class life was hell? INFP. Meanwhile, the smart, approachable student president who also played on the football team gets promoted to ENTP, the mysterious girl with "strong principles" becomes INFJ, and the dark, handsome artistic guy who wrote that AMAZING love poem you got in 11th grade is labeled some sort of NFJ.

    It's all bullshit and projection. Don't sweat it. There's nothing wrong with you.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Zamyatin View Post
    Like sensors, INFPs seem to be popular as a category people use for dismissing everybody people disliked growing up. It has little to nothing to do with actual INFPs and a lot to do with people's need for categorization.

    That dumb jock in high school? OBVIOUSLY must have been an ESTP. That prissy conservative girl? ISFJ. Pretentious goth guy that constantly talked about how his upper-middle class life was hell? INFP. Meanwhile, the smart, approachable student president who also played on the football team gets promoted to ENTP, the mysterious girl with "strong principles" becomes INFJ, and the dark, handsome artistic guy who wrote that AMAZING love poem you got in 11th grade is labeled some sort of NFJ.

    It's all bullshit and projection. Don't sweat it. There's nothing wrong with you.
    I appreciate this but honestly i've seen too much of it to not believe there's some inherent truth here. It's like... these are the people who think these things but would never tell you in person. Online, people can say how they really feel. Projections or not, the expressions of dislike seem to be, overall, how things actually are. I imagine that many/most INFPs HAVE been typed correctly, it's just that our attributes and traits are cast in a negative light. And projections are going to be part of the dislike, so it's all real.

    Maybe most of those goth emos are truly INFPs... stereotypes have some truth. I am perhaps 'emo' myself in some shape or form. We are all inner emos in some way, maybe, and INFPs wear it on the inside AND outside (in some shape or form, stereotypical eyeliner or just sad eyes). Perhaps this makes some of us entirely unlikeable, I don't know. I think the idea that resonates with me most is okay, INFPs can be emos, ESTPs can be dumb jocks... things are how they are and we don't have to be throwing this sh*t around like pejoratives... I am no better than any of them. some people are wired to be more extreme and some aren't, and we all have these spheres we develop within. Personalities are fixed to a certain degree: not completely, but mostly. At least that's what most studies suggest about personality long-term.

    Anyway, in this MBTI ecosystem, some of the trends are so strong that you can account for all the possible errors and mistypings and whatnot, and you'd still get some truth. This is all just what I've observed. Some types tend to be better liked and 'click' better with others, and INFPs just aren't a part of these relationship 1+1 equations. I'm not saying we SHOULD be liked more, but it is disheartening on some level
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  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by sarahbelle68 View Post
    I appreciate this but honestly i've seen too much of it to not believe there's some truth to it. It's like... these are the people who think these things but would never tell you in person. Online, people can say how they really feel. Projections or not, the expressions of dislike seem to be, overall, how things actually are. Most of these criticisms aren't projections. I imagine that many INFPs HAVE been typed correctly, it's just that our attributes and traits are cast in a negative light. In this MBTI ecosystem, some of the trends are so strong that you can account for all the possible errors and mistypings and whatnot, and you'd still get some truth. This is all just what I've observed. Some types tend to be better liked and 'click' better with others, and INFPs just aren't a part of these relationship 1+1 equations.
    Let's put it this way. INFJs have a great reputation in the typology community. They're supposedly intelligent, mysterious, creative, passionate -- pick a positive adjective that relates to emotion somehow, and it'll have been applied to INFJs before.

    Now, realize the fact that most of the people that identify as INFJ are actually using Si in some capacity, generally as either an SJ (especially ISFJ) or an INFP. That hasn't diminished the popularity of INFJ any, however. There's a lot of power in that label, and that power doesn't actually reflect anything inherent about the people who use that label for themselves.

    Most of the stuff you see in the typology community is roleplay and bias confirmation. INTJs play up their "rationality" and downplay their emotionality, especially on forums like these, because supposedly that's what it means to be INTJ, and to do otherwise gets you cast out as a "mistype". Yet I'm an INTJ, and my emotions are a central part of my identity. Certainly moreso than pretending to be Spock or Sherlock. I'm most certainly not rational at all times. Yet because I wear those four letters, people expect certain behaviors (or lack thereof) from me, an expectation entirely divorced from who I actually am.
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  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Zamyatin View Post
    Let's put it this way. INFJs have a great reputation in the typology community. They're supposedly intelligent, mysterious, creative, passionate -- pick a positive adjective that relates to emotion somehow, and it'll have been applied to INFJs before.

    Now, realize the fact that most of the people that identify as INFJ are actually using Si in some capacity, generally as either an SJ (especially ISFJ) or an INFP. That hasn't diminished the popularity of INFJ any, however. There's a lot of power in that label, and that power doesn't actually reflect anything inherent about the people who use that label for themselves.

    Most of the stuff you see in the typology community is roleplay and bias confirmation. INTJs play up their "rationality" and downplay their emotionality, especially on forums like these, because supposedly that's what it means to be INTJ, and to do otherwise gets you cast out as a "mistype". Yet I'm an INTJ, and my emotions are a central part of my identity. Certainly moreso than pretending to be Spock or Sherlock. I'm most certainly not rational at all times. Yet because I wear those four letters, people expect certain behaviors (or lack thereof) from me, an expectation entirely divorced from who I actually am.
    Eh I have a hard time believing MOST of it is roleplay and confirmation. People are playing out their personalities on this cyber, slightly unreal, amped-up level but I do believe that there are very real trends that can be observed IRL as well. I'm pretty good at detecting which people are truly of that type and which are confused.. it isn't that difficult. I still see what I see.

    Regarding the INFJ thing: of course the people who aren't INFJs but think they are are CONSTANTLY called out for it... I've certainly read a bunch of threads myself from disgruntled INFJs who are so sick of the mistyped INFJs actual INFPs polluting their forums with their fluffy emo brainz

  6. #6

    Ok then, believe what you want. Speaking for myself, I've always preferred Fi to Fe, even back when I thought I was using Fe. It's both stronger and deeper, and because of that I admire it much more.
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  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Zamyatin View Post
    Ok then, believe what you want. Speaking for myself, I've always preferred Fi to Fe, even back when I thought I was using Fe. It's both stronger and deeper, and because of that I admire it much more.
    Yeah, I simply think that the trends can't really be shrugged off simply because people will be amping things up more. I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree. Thanks for saying that about Fi... it isn't thatoften you hear someone praise the function

  8. #8

    Tbh, I think you are paying more attention to the negative posts and not as much to the positive ones. The OP of the thread you posted was expressing appreciation of INFP's. Then there was that post that came in defending INFP's when someone said they are hypocritical. There were several others that said positive things as well.

    Also, what happened to this? "We're actually very independent and often don't care what people think. Sometimes it can actually be quite difficult for me to adequately express the degree to which I don't give a shit what people think.*"

    INTJ's also have Fi and I can relate to that myself... it's the Fe that gets wrapped up in the social stuff, I thought. So my question is, why do you care about the criticisms? Or is that statement not entirely accurate?
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  9. #9
    Unknown

    Remember that as an INFP you are an Idealist who thinks and philosophizes about how to turn this World into an Utopia (When an INFP turns to their Dark Side, their ideal World might turn into a Distopia for the masses, but when an INFP their Dark Side takes over, they often believe that this is the only way to create harmony in the World. Which is essentially the end goal of an INFP: harmony). This often clashes with the 'T'-types who look at the World from a technical point of view, who easily dismiss your ideas, but that's because they're often stuck thinking in a box. As an INFP you are one of those people who constantly thinks out of the box, and based on the themes you mainly think about these thoughts are often extremely controversial, revolutionary and against conservative society. This turns you into the ENEMY of the conservative types who want to keep their boxes (labels) and their outdated society to classify and rule over people.

    Also remember that since your end goal in the World is Harmony, many of J (judgmental)-types will see you as weak, because you will try to keep peace between people, you'll avoid aggressive clashes and try to keep discussions light and peaceful, but the J-types want you to take a stand, to fight, to defend your ideals. But then when you do make a stand, because they're stomping on your most precious ideals, then you might turn into an avenging angel with a flaming sword prepared to root out all evil, and this we as F (feeling)-types do in such an emotional and powerful way, that the T (technical)-types will see our outburst of emotions as irrational and ignore it as useless, childish blabbering, because they have a hard time understanding and coping with emotions.

    On top of that there is the sad truth that most INFPs are idealists and dreamers who think and talk about the perfect World and how to bring it about, but often they're not the ones that will implement these ideas into reality, something INFJ 'will' do. (INFJs are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.) This will make most types who are action driven and not thought driven see us as inconsequential. It's like being depressed yourself, but helping others get out of their depression. What right do you have to tell people how to get out of depression and help them actually get out of it, while you don't help yourself first? This is a good example of why action based types see us as inconsequential and so as people with empty words. The best thing to counter these arguments is by actually turning your own ideas and ideals into concrete things in reality (That is why I travel around the World doing volunteering work and trying to change the World if only a little bit, because that way I can turn my ideals into concrete reality)

    Now you also have to realize that INTJ's, are 'J's, they judge the world, they judge people, they judge everything, while you as a 'P' perceive the World, and accept it as it is. This is why you often won't take action, like said before, because even if you dream and think about the perfect World, you are accepting, and loving of the World that is. This combined with your idealism of a harmonious World you don't understand why people judge you, because can't we all get along? Can't we all be friends? Those are things you often dream about, to have this World where everyone are brothers and sisters of each other and we are all friends. So then when a 'J' says things like they do on their forum, you will feel hurt (because we have a hard time dealing with criticism), because you don't understand why they can't see the benefits of this harmonious beautiful World that you dream of.

    Now why don't INTJ's see the benefits of our harmonious beautiful World? Because they play a power-game, and they get energy out of playing that game, while you as an INFP create energy through your deeper connection with this beautiful harmonious World. A big part of how you socially interact with people, is based on you giving away the energy: to feed others, to serve others, and to create happiness. This is why after social interaction you have to seclude yourself to recreate the energy you lost/gave away during social interaction. This is also why we are often perceived as being overemotional, it's because we absorb all the negative energy of the people around us, while we're feeding them with positive energy, and that sometimes totally fries our emotional circuits. Now since the INTJ knows how to play the power-game of energy acquirement, they are perfect energy vampires that can suck us dry, which results in many of the comments you might see on INTJ forums about INFP's. Now why don't they believe in our harmonious beautiful peaceful World? Because in such World there would be no more power-games, there would be no more conflict, and this means that they will lose their (easy) way of acquiring the energy, which is utterly frightening for them.

    I hope this made sense :)
    Last edited by AesSidhe; 12-15-2014 at 05:20 AM.
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  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors


    @sarahbelle68 I am friends with a few INTJ here on PerC and they genuinely appreciate INFPs. It is however easier, and perhaps for some more satisfying, to talk people down instead of praising them. Consider all communication you have during an average day. Conversations. News. Advertising. Random things you pick up on while in public. How much of it is negative and how much of it is positive? If we would research this scientifically my hypothesis would be that the majority of communication is negative. Especially from one person to another.

    Thus it also to be expected that an INTJ is more likely to criticise an INFP (or any other type for that matter) than heap praise on them. This however doesn't mean that there is nobody in that community who actually appreciates INFPs. I have both personal and anecdotal evidence to back up that statement if needed.

    Second part. I agree with @Zamyatin on roleplaying and confirming type bias within the MBTI community. Especially the less mature or less healthy people in this community are 'guilty' (I use this word because I can't think of a better one atm) of this behavior. I do believe that a portion of this group is behaving like this unintentionally. They have this urge to belong, find out about MBTI, discover their personality and read up on their personality type through profiles found on the internet which are filled with stereotypes/generalizations. They want to belong to the group, fit in (even the biggest individualist has this need) and their behavior will change to a certain degree in a manner that confirms their personality towards the other people in the group. This change happens on both conscious and subconscious levels imo.
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