[INFP] Have you tried Online Dating?

Have you tried Online Dating?

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This is a discussion on Have you tried Online Dating? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hey all, Since us INFP's are known to love our own company and don't meet as much people as our ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Have you tried Online Dating?

    Hey all,

    Since us INFP's are known to love our own company and don't meet as much people as our Extroverted friends I was curious to see how many of you tried ONLINE DATING.

    I know years ago it was frowned upon but it seems to be more acceptable now and I know quite a few people who found friends and love through the internet.

    I've tried it and no relationship came out of it just met some cool people and made some friends.

    What experiences have you had with ONLINE DATING? Any love stories or horror stories to share?



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    Well at one point I did sign up on a couple of sites and made a profile, but they never matched me with anyone who seemed like my type, so I didn't bother to reply or anything. I wasn't very impressed. But then I always wasn't really looking hard or anything, maybe with more effort I'd have met some cool people.

    I did meet this one guy (INTJ I'm guessing) who I think found me on one of those sites first and then tracked me down elsewhere online. He was fun to talk with, but it ended kind of bad because he was just a bit too......eager or something. He was just so certain I was perfect for him after just 2 weeks or something, and unfortunately took my williingness to chat a bunch as a sign I liked him back, whereas I was thinking just friends at that point. The more he insisted how perfect a match we were, the more my stubborn side kicked in and said 'wait a minute here maybe I don't think so!' We did meet a couple of times because he happened to live in the same city, and he was nice enough. I would have liked to be friends, but he just felt a bit too clingy and a bit too determined. He was respectfull and kind and interesting, and didn't bother me in any way, except for incessant chatting online - like where I'd say I was going to make dinner and come back to several paragraphs to catch up on because he hadn't stopped talking while I was away. I can totally understand if he was lonely, like so many of us, and I can understand if he was really eager if he hadn't met many people he could connect to, but still, it got kinda annoying. I do feel sort of bad because I didn't know how to handle it and finally just cut off all communication, I'm sure I could have dealt with him better than that, sigh.....

    However, I actually did meet my husband through the art site: deviantart.com. I have really enjoyed making friends on there, and there's one friend that a real life friend and I have tried to plan to go and visit, although we haven't been able to work it out yet. Seeing other's artwork, or photos I think helps give a good idea of what they're like. I'd really enjoy meeting more of the folks on there. It's also nice that there's a blog feature - that can really give you a better idea of who people are.

    With my husband, he had also made friends with my real life friend on that site who is more outgoing than me, so she was the one who actually got him on the phone and found out his IM and all, but once we got to talking it was really great! We already knew we had similar style and interests from seeing eachother's galleries and commenting back and forth on things. After a few months I took a vacation to visit him and that pretty much sealed the deal. We already knew we would get along well, but once we met in person it just felt so natural being together. We had to keep up the long distance relationship for a while, but it worked out pretty well. My friends and family were pretty wary about it though, which did make it hard at first. I was so afriad to tell them, that I put it off waaaaay too long, which just made it more awkward. They were all worried that he would turn out to be an axe-murderer or something, lol. But honnestly, it seems a lot less likely to be taken in by 'predators' when meeting the way we did on a site where you're not really looking for people to meet in real life. Sure there are risks, but I don't think meeting someone in real life first is much more of a garuntee that they're really a nice or honnest person. It seems to me like a lot of people may be much more open and honnest talking on the internet. *shrug* Both of us have commented how glad we are that we met online, becuase no doubt if we'd seen eachother on the street or something we would have been too shy to actually take the risk and talk to eachother, even though we would have felt certain that that was a kindred spirit, standing right over there.

    Anyways, it seems to me that a site like that is a much better way to go than a dating site - because it's a place where you both share an interest. It makes it more comfortable to talk. It seems more natural to talk with people about something that you're both interested in, like art, or a game, or personality ;) or whatever, and it leaves it a little more 'natural' as to whether you want to become closer or not, when the object of being there isn't dating. Whereas it feels like with a dating site you're both just focused on finding the right person - which to me makes it a lot more awkward, and makes you a lot more likely to misunderstand eachother in the eagerness to make a good impression. When you're just talking about something you both like a fiendship can form without as much of the underlying anxiety over 'is this the one? what does he think? is he just toying with me?' and all that.

    I think for INFPs in particular it's good to be in an environment where you can feel free to make friends since most of us seem to find friendship a very important componant of romance. And also important to not let our idealistic hopes of the perfect mate let us jump to conclusions on people to quickly and then only see what reinfforces those ideas.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    eww online dating.
    Even when you take off the online, I still won't do it
    Evgenia, hasenj, pageofadiary and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    I signed up for a dating site once. They said it was free so i figured what the hell. Then they were like "to activate all of the features, get a premium membership", which turned out to be like €50 a month... yeah i'm not paying that, that's a ridiculous sum of money. But without a premium membership i couldn't even upload a picture and had very limited contacting options.

    They've been spamming my mailbox with "amazing offers" eversince. And this is a site that advertises in magazines, i've even seen ads on TV... so clearly, they're doing very well for themselves. The idealist in me is severly disappointed that people are getting rich over the loneliness of others


    I'm sure that this post makes me look totally attractive and not at all jaded and bitter, so all you ladies in the Netherlands area can hit me up on my profile and maybe we can complain about the sad state of the world together over a nice drink
    pageofadiary, LittleHawk and Inluuk20 thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Is it bad that every relationship I've been in started off online?

    Anyway most of my online relationships have ended pretty badly, and I always seem to be the one who takes it the hardest.

    I could always try to find a boyfriend offline but I have really nothing in common with most of the guys in my area and unfortunately I go to an all girl school. Just my luck lol.
    NeedMoreKnowledge and pageofadiary thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ

    I've dated 6 girls, and two of them I met online.

    The two I met online lasted roughly 7 months long each (weak!)
    While every other relationship was between 1 1/2 -> 3 years.

    In the defense of the online girlys, I think "meeting" online forced us to focus less on nerves and looks, and more-so on communication. The end result was a deep seeded connection at first and -then- meeting. The "disadvantage" of this may be partly related to how things ended rather quickly --- we traveled at mach speed and therefore hit a road block much sooner.

    In the world of online dating though, I think it's a great opportunity to get outside your general workplace / school / local environment and see what else may be "out there." In that respect, it's great! In others... you may be incredibly disappointed by how some people behave online. I've met some crazies online ( The Adventures of Lad and Dating Online: Baby Girl - PersonalityCafe ) -- I've had girls aiming for one night stands with me, etc etc. You name it, but apparently all of this is 100x worse for GIRLS online looking for guys. I think women on those sites can be easily discouraged because you'll meet some of the trashiest dishonest guys ever.

    If you're weathered enough for the experience though, you may find a hidden gem.
    faeriegal713 and Goosefish thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Aelthwyn View Post
    Well at one point I did sign up on a couple of sites and made a profile, but they never matched me with anyone who seemed like my type, so I didn't bother to reply or anything. I wasn't very impressed. But then I always wasn't really looking hard or anything, maybe with more effort I'd have met some cool people.

    I did meet this one guy (INTJ I'm guessing) who I think found me on one of those sites first and then tracked me down elsewhere online. He was fun to talk with, but it ended kind of bad because he was just a bit too......eager or something. He was just so certain I was perfect for him after just 2 weeks or something, and unfortunately took my williingness to chat a bunch as a sign I liked him back, whereas I was thinking just friends at that point. The more he insisted how perfect a match we were, the more my stubborn side kicked in and said 'wait a minute here maybe I don't think so!' We did meet a couple of times because he happened to live in the same city, and he was nice enough. I would have liked to be friends, but he just felt a bit too clingy and a bit too determined. He was respectfull and kind and interesting, and didn't bother me in any way, except for incessant chatting online - like where I'd say I was going to make dinner and come back to several paragraphs to catch up on because he hadn't stopped talking while I was away. I can totally understand if he was lonely, like so many of us, and I can understand if he was really eager if he hadn't met many people he could connect to, but still, it got kinda annoying. I do feel sort of bad because I didn't know how to handle it and finally just cut off all communication, I'm sure I could have dealt with him better than that, sigh.....

    However, I actually did meet my husband through the art site: deviantart.com. I have really enjoyed making friends on there, and there's one friend that a real life friend and I have tried to plan to go and visit, although we haven't been able to work it out yet. Seeing other's artwork, or photos I think helps give a good idea of what they're like. I'd really enjoy meeting more of the folks on there. It's also nice that there's a blog feature - that can really give you a better idea of who people are.

    With my husband, he had also made friends with my real life friend on that site who is more outgoing than me, so she was the one who actually got him on the phone and found out his IM and all, but once we got to talking it was really great! We already knew we had similar style and interests from seeing eachother's galleries and commenting back and forth on things. After a few months I took a vacation to visit him and that pretty much sealed the deal. We already knew we would get along well, but once we met in person it just felt so natural being together. We had to keep up the long distance relationship for a while, but it worked out pretty well. My friends and family were pretty wary about it though, which did make it hard at first. I was so afriad to tell them, that I put it off waaaaay too long, which just made it more awkward. They were all worried that he would turn out to be an axe-murderer or something, lol. But honnestly, it seems a lot less likely to be taken in by 'predators' when meeting the way we did on a site where you're not really looking for people to meet in real life. Sure there are risks, but I don't think meeting someone in real life first is much more of a garuntee that they're really a nice or honnest person. It seems to me like a lot of people may be much more open and honnest talking on the internet. *shrug* Both of us have commented how glad we are that we met online, becuase no doubt if we'd seen eachother on the street or something we would have been too shy to actually take the risk and talk to eachother, even though we would have felt certain that that was a kindred spirit, standing right over there.

    Anyways, it seems to me that a site like that is a much better way to go than a dating site - because it's a place where you both share an interest. It makes it more comfortable to talk. It seems more natural to talk with people about something that you're both interested in, like art, or a game, or personality ;) or whatever, and it leaves it a little more 'natural' as to whether you want to become closer or not, when the object of being there isn't dating. Whereas it feels like with a dating site you're both just focused on finding the right person - which to me makes it a lot more awkward, and makes you a lot more likely to misunderstand eachother in the eagerness to make a good impression. When you're just talking about something you both like a fiendship can form without as much of the underlying anxiety over 'is this the one? what does he think? is he just toying with me?' and all that.

    I think for INFPs in particular it's good to be in an environment where you can feel free to make friends since most of us seem to find friendship a very important componant of romance. And also important to not let our idealistic hopes of the perfect mate let us jump to conclusions on people to quickly and then only see what reinfforces those ideas.
    Sorry for the delay. Wanted to be sure I had a thoughtful reply to your very thoughtful post :)

    Your love story is absolutely lovely i'm happy it worked out for you two. I must agree with you wholeheartedly that we INFPs do value friendship first in a relationship. I think you hit the nail on the head when you stated Online dtaing sites can be a bit awkward because in my opinion it can feel forced. I've seen it work out for some of my friends but that was mainly because they were looking to jump into a relationship right away they wasn't looking for the friendship before hand. I've also learned many people have different definitions of what the process of dating is.

    I'm happy to also hear you was able to get over the hurdle of long distance. I know from my own experience in the past and from those close to me it isn't the easiest situation. Both people have to be extremely commited and willing to use most forms of communication and with the internet it makes it all the more easier these days. I was raised in a culture where long distance relationships is the norm so when people are very negative and say it can't be done I often times disagree. It all depends on who is involved thats all.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by pretty.Odd View Post
    Is it bad that every relationship I've been in started off online?

    Anyway most of my online relationships have ended pretty badly, and I always seem to be the one who takes it the hardest.

    I could always try to find a boyfriend offline but I have really nothing in common with most of the guys in my area and unfortunately I go to an all girl school. Just my luck lol.
    I've learned it's always better to not look someone pops up when you least expect it. At least thats been my experience.
    emmajanel thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Yes! It's magical! OkCupid is hands down the best site, especially for younger people

    It's at least worth a shot-- you never have to meet up with anyone if you don't feel comfortable. Oh and one neat trick is, friend them on Facebook before you plan on meeting them. Facebook acts to kind of "legitimize" things because really, who could fake a friend network of 600 people? And you can see what others write on their walls and so forth. I met my boyfriend this way and we were both very cautious about the whole process. Meeting in a public place for coffee was an excellent first date

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Lad View Post
    In the defense of the online girlys
    haha I thought that was cute.

    Ya there are a truck load of weirdos on those dating sites haha I've had some interesting experiences but nothing too horrific like what i've heard from others. However like you said it's a great way to meet people or get to know others in different parts of the world. So that aspect was cool made some good friends.
    Last edited by pageofadiary; 02-07-2011 at 12:41 PM.


     
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