[INFP] INFP dating mysterious INFP...decryption help?

INFP dating mysterious INFP...decryption help?

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This is a discussion on INFP dating mysterious INFP...decryption help? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I got my first excuse to really talk to this girl when I guessed her personality type, last Thursday. I ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFP dating mysterious INFP...decryption help?

    I got my first excuse to really talk to this girl when I guessed her personality type, last Thursday. I was in her art studio, and I got a look at her existentialist crow paintings and said, "You're an INFP, right?", to which to she replied yes, reluctantly, as we INFPs do. We seemed to hit it off, talking for hours on end (literally 4 or 5 hours straight that day). I took this to mean that she had an interest in me. Since then, however, I've felt unclear on how to read her. On Saturday (game night, big group), she made no real efforts at signaling her interest, and yet today, when I took the plunge and asked her if she had a boyfriend and would she be interested in having one, she said "maybe", looking all coy (which is exactly the right word for it, if you look up the dictionary definition).
    All of this might seem relatively transparent, but idk how to interpret these facts: She has as many male friends as female friends - which is to say a lot (especially for an INFP); Although very pretty (prettier than me) she seems to have no preexisting dating life; and she is not discriminatory in who she gives her attention to.
    I guess I can't believe I have a real chance with her. She's a catch, so why has she remained single for so long? She agreed to date me, but does that actually mean anything?



  2. #2

    Well- I'm really upfront when I like a guy. To the point of taking my clothes off on the second encounter and asking him to be my boyfriend on the third.

    I think she sounds unsure about whether she has any attraction to you and wants to take things slow for that reason. She feels like she should like you, and that's why she half-heartedly agreed to date.

    Unless she's demisexual (she might be if she genuinely has no dating history), everything you have indicated sounds like a bad omen to me. Sad but true.

    I once dated a guy who I had great intellectual and dispositional chemistry with. We had lots in common. Wanted to do the same things. He was and ESFP. He was really into me so I ended it early instead of leading him on. The truth is, I couldn't imagine banging him because there were things about him that turned me off physically. I may have been able to warm up to those things but I couldn't risk breaking his heart if I couldn't.

    I'm amazed that anyone ends up together nowadays because both people have to connect mind/body/spirit.

  3. #3

    Just have fun with her and see what happens. You can't force love, but you can give it good soil for spiring.
    If she is not looking for a boyfriend it actually is not very helpful to think of what you are doing as dating since everything you do will be judged according to how you two would do as a couple. If you are just people getting to know each other, or friends having fun, you can let faith decide what will happen.
    CptObvious, CptObvious, CptObvious and 19 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Just don't put any labels on things or have any specific expectations already, just get to know her. If things work out you will feel that eventually. And no dubious fun or banging until then, be civilised and respectful towards her and yourself.
    UnicornRainbowLove, Val37, CptObvious and 29 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    A couple bits of insight and advice:

    Don't take her ignoring you in a group as a definite bad sign. I've done this before when I really like a guy, and although it might come off as strange, I can't help it. Say a group of friends is standing a circle, talking, and among them is a guy I like. I get really uneasy and uncomfortable being surrounded by a group of people, and I make a sincere effort not to look at him....I'm afraid a) someone in the group will pick up on it or b) the guy didn't really like me, and looking at him or giving him extra attention will weird him out completely (i.e. fear of rejection). It's a silly thing to do, and it normally complicates matters, but it seems to be a common female INFP occurrence. I have a couple female INFP friends and they all say they do the exact same thing. But at all times, we know EXACTLY where you are, what you're doing, and who you're talking to. We just watch out of the corner of our eye :p

    Also; I get uncomfortable when guys push too hard too fast, and I start to back away and create distance even if I like the person romantically. So become her friend first, and when you're with her, don't flirt. Really want to emphasize this. I feel like flirting isn't genuine, and I almost always end up cutting of ties with the guy who does. Makes me not trust him...just try to open, genuine, and warm.

    Also...a LOT of INFP are single. I think a thread was created recently on this that you can probably find a few pages back. It isn't because we lack options. It's because we're picky.

    If she responded coyly to the boyfriend question, there's a definite interest. Don't overthink this. Ask her out.
    CptObvious, CptObvious, CptObvious and 19 others thanked this post.

  6. #6

    She may be interested. I suggest you just ask her out and see how it goes. Somebody has to make a clear move, and most girls want the guy to be the first to act. All the coy, cute, flirty stuff can come after.

    I, personally, have never had a problem with guys flirting with me "too fast." I've never needed to be someone's friend first. If I'm interested, I want to get started right away. I'm impatient.

    I have been the shy girl making eyes, but I have also balls-out approached someone who was giving me no signs and asked if he wanted to hang out with me. I don't know. Girls are unpredictable. If you want something, just go for it.
    CptObvious, CptObvious, CptObvious and 4 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Thanks to all who replied, this helps a lot. I asked her out so soon precisely because she's (apparently) had no successful dates. I want her to know I'm interested in more; maybe not showing interest is where other guys went wrong, resulting in platonic friendship. I probably should have said, but didn't for fear of the tl;dr effect, that she told me she was in an abusive relationship that lasted for two months. Idk to what degree it was abusive, but maybe this explains some things. I think she said that was about four years ago. Also, there was another instance where someone spontaneously tried to set her up with a guy, but she wasn't feeling it (the suddenness of it and all) and she broke it off a couple weeks after. So she has technically dated.
    Anyway, as far as I know we're slated to go out this Saturday, though I haven't told her where. I was thinking (might sound super lame, idk) the McWane Center. It's a science education center in Birmingham, AL. There's lots of external focus there, though not so much on the long drives there and back. Any thoughts?
    Last edited by CptObvious; 01-28-2015 at 11:26 PM. Reason: Duplicate post

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    She's dated, technically, and where should we go?

    Thanks to all who replied, this helps a lot. I asked her out so soon because she's (apparently) dated no one successfully. I want her to know I'm interested in more; maybe not showing interest is where other guys went wrong, resulting in platonic friendship. I probably should have said, but didn't for fear of the tl;dr effect, that she told me she was in an abusive relationship that lasted for two months. Idk to what degree it was abusive, but maybe this explains some things. I think she said that was freshman year (she's a senior now). Also, there was another instance where someone spontaneously tried to set her up with a guy, but she wasn't feeling it (the suddenness of it and all) and she broke it off a couple weeks after. So she has dated, but, it seems, to no positive effect on her end.

    Anyway, as far as I know we're slated to go out this Saturday, though I haven't told her where. I was thinking (might sound super lame, idk) the McWane Center. It's a science education center in Birmingham, AL. There's lots of external focus there, though not so much on the long drives there and back. Any thoughts?
    Last edited by CptObvious; 01-28-2015 at 11:45 PM. Reason: Grammars

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    You sound like an honest person, I think she will pick up on that so that's not something to worry about (quite important though). What I'd like you to do is be playful/ lighthearted - fun's so important to me, I really enjoy someone who can chear me up with a bit of randomness. Also, the science education center sounds fine, but maybe keep her interests in mind. She might actually think science is boring or something like that, I guess it won't hurt to ask her what she likes (since you know she's into art, I actually suggest you do something with that - and choose something modern like comic book art or whatever that may be less serious than common art galleries)..

    So I don't know if other INFP girls agree with this, but these are my thoughts. Good luck :-)
    CptObvious, CptObvious, CptObvious and 12 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    "Science education center" makes it sound boring, but it's got a lot of fun interactive exhibits. We had some physical interaction tonight (nothing serious), so I think it's much clearer what she wants. Now I just want to keep focusing on being myself and not taking things too seriously.

    For those interested, I was extremely nervous this morning. We share the same class, and sit next to each other, and not knowing where she stood on the relationship idea was absolutely nerve wracking. Honestly I could barely speak to her after class, my HR was so high I felt faint, but I held on, and, maybe 20 minutes later I felt comfortable with her and we ended up having a great conversation. We ended up going back to her place with her roommate to play a board game. There we watched Luther from a really cozy spot on her couch

    Things are certainly less cryptic now, though I expect I'll be in need of more insight as time goes. I really appreciate everyone's help here. It gets me to calm down and realize that the important part is having fun
    Last edited by CptObvious; 01-30-2015 at 12:15 AM.


     

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