Hey all! I just found this place and I think it's amazing. Feel way less lonely now that I've come to realize that it's not just me being the weirdest person in the world, but that there's actually a personality type I've got.
Although, there's one thing I can't understand.
As the rest of you, I'm very aware of other peoples feelings and I tend to always feel bad about things I do, being paranoid that I always hurt someone somehow. But sometimes this just doesn't apply at all.
I've been in three relationships. First relationship was when I was fourteen and my partner was extremely depressed. I felt as if I couldn't leave him, feeling so sorry for him and not wanting to make the situation worse. So I stayed with him, trying to support him until finally he broke up with me, leaving me as depressed as him. But I moved on and had my next relationship about half a year after that. We were together for two years. It was to really intense years, shaping me as a person and building up both mine and his confidence.
Although, after about a year, being drunk, I was unfaithful. I couldn't stand lying to him so I told him. He forgave me. A year later, it happened again, but this time, I was in love with the person. I told him and we cried and cried and finally broke up. But thing is, I actually didn't feel THAT bad about it. I mean, being a INFP and all, I did think a lot about how he felt and what was going on inside him and blah blah, but I just managed to live with it. I didn't get overwhelmed by bad emotions, I was mostly sad because of me being in love with this other person, who didn't love me back. So basically I was just feeling sorry for myself, even though I was awful leaving my ex like that.
The story doesn't end. About a year after, I get into a new relationship. I'm quite sure this person was an INFJ, because she almost seemed telepathic and I just got these empath-vibes from her. Anyway, our relationship was CRAZY. I've never felt so much, both good and bad feelings. I couldn't stop thinking about her and I just felt so incredibly high on love all the time...
...until I was unfaithful AGAIN, at a festival when she was THERE. How is this even possible??? And I didn't tell her at all, but of course she got a feeling that something was wrong, so she asked me and I just lied. Lied and lied and lied. I didn't even feel that bad about it. Finally she packed her bags and just left. I ran after her and tried to make her stay but she left, since she couldn't stand me, because she knew that something was wrong. Anyway, she tried to contact me like a million times after this but I've just been completely cold. A couple of times I've felt this extreme desire to call her and see her and I've said it to her, but she's just told me to fuck off.
But after a couple of months, she started mailing me. Calling me. Texting me. Saying that it doesn't matter what I did, that I'm wonderful and what we had was unique and so on. But I just feel like "whatever". I miss her, but I don't regret what I did.
WHY? Am I heartless?
Oh, and by the way, all of these three exes are all still trying to contact me. First relationship was 6 years ago, the second 3 years ago and the third 2 years ago. I've been such a bitch to all of them. Why do they want me back? And why is it that I really don't like any of them? Hmm, might be a typical INFP-thing to get bored with people, but not hurting them?
(Oh, and sorry for the wall of text. You all know how hard it is to keep to a short text, don't you? Heh.)