[INFP] Do you often feel that you need to modify your conduct to please others?

Do you often feel that you need to modify your conduct to please others?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23
Thank Tree52Thanks

This is a discussion on Do you often feel that you need to modify your conduct to please others? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I feel that I constantly need to modify my conduct to survive at work. Me being an introverted person I ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Do you often feel that you need to modify your conduct to please others?

    I feel that I constantly need to modify my conduct to survive at work. Me being an introverted person I need to extrovert at work so that I can get along with my co-workers. I like my co-workers in spite that they are not perfect people but it wears me out when I have to constantly act a certain way that is not natural for me to make them happy. I try very much to be liked while other people ask like assholes and get away with it and last a lifetime in their jobs. All of my co-workers are in their 50's and I am in my 20's so there is a huge age difference, so sometimes is very difficult to relate to them, and since I am the youngest one plus I am a new employee I try very hard to be seen as an efficient worker, and in the end of the day I am exhausted. I know that my co-workers are watching every move I make, how I dress, how I act, and how efficient I am at work, and I worry about messing up. As an introvert I sometimes need time alone which is difficult because my co-workers need to talk all the time, and sometimes about mundane things. Since I don't go out that much and have many friends, I ran out of topics to talk about and I am afraid to seem boring. There are many things I enjoy to do but they don't like or understand. I have a TJ boss who wants you to work exaggeratedly fast, and she is not aware that she is pressuring her employees to much, so I have to modify my conduct to make her happy. I have another co-worker that when she is around she makes the environment a lot better and easier, she is very nice and helpful, but she talks a lot about everyday things and sometimes I get lost in though, so I have to try very hard to listen. My other co-workers likes to party and drink during the weekends, and since I don't do that then I don't talk much about those topics, I just listen which makes me feel out of place.


    Sorry for my ramblings but do you feel the same way? That you are very different from your co-workers and you have to act a certain way so that you are not perceived different while other people don't give a crap and get away with their bad behavior?



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    I can definitely relate to this. I work completely alone at my current job (and I love it!), but in the past I've had a lot of problems with being the "different" person. I loved working with others at a restaurant and met some great friends there, But I hated working in retail. There was so much gossip and drama. I think my biggest difficulties arose from being very introverted and having much different interests than my co-workers. I tried being more outgoing, but I had a pretty hard time with it.

    I understand what you mean about others sometimes getting away with their "bad" behavior. I always attributed it to playing favorites in a sense. People like other people like themselves, and they'll probably overlook the mistakes of their "friends". I had a boss who would continually overlook the mistakes of some her more boisterous workers (probably b/c they would often go out for drinks together), but was very critical of my mistakes-- and I consider myself to be a very hard worker.

    Heh to be honest, I can't say I have any good advice, as I just changed jobs to deal with the situation. But I will say that having a good friend at work can make it more tolerable. You guys don't even have to have a lot in common-- just someone you can easily chat with. Sometimes they can introduce you to some of your other co-workers too. Overall, I didn't enjoy my brief stint in retail, but I enjoyed it much more when I was working with a friend.

    Ah, another random thing that worked for me. I find it much easier to talk to people on a one-on-one basis. I get to know and can relate to others much more easily like that. You might try talking to some of your co-workers individually and maybe try and foster some friendships there.

    Sorry I don't have very good advice. I understand where you're coming from though. :)

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    I get along very well with my immediate supervisor. I think she has an "F" in her personality type because she cares a lot about others. In spite of our age difference I feel comfortable talking with her, because she is easygoing, and has a good sense of humor, but sometimes she can be too chatty in moments when I don't feel like talking and I just want to work, but when she is around she brings a positive vibe at work, everything is easier and I come home happy with no stress and worries about work because she is not the kind of person who bitches about everything, disrespect you and make you feel like an idiot if you make a mistake. With my boss things are different since she is very TJ I can feel uncomfortable being around her because I feel she is being too pushy. I don't want to seem to be a distant person, so I occasionally join their conversations but then I withdraw and leave to be on my own again.


    I constantly feel that I need to please people so that they get a positive impression on me, while other people don't give a crap about what other things of them in spite of them having a very toxic personality.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nicoshan View Post
    I can definitely relate to this. I work completely alone at my current job (and I love it!), but in the past I've had a lot of problems with being the "different" person. I loved working with others at a restaurant and met some great friends there, But I hated working in retail. There was so much gossip and drama. I think my biggest difficulties arose from being very introverted and having much different interests than my co-workers. I tried being more outgoing, but I had a pretty hard time with it.

    I understand what you mean about others sometimes getting away with their "bad" behavior. I always attributed it to playing favorites in a sense. People like other people like themselves, and they'll probably overlook the mistakes of their "friends". I had a boss who would continually overlook the mistakes of some her more boisterous workers (probably b/c they would often go out for drinks together), but was very critical of my mistakes-- and I consider myself to be a very hard worker.

    Heh to be honest, I can't say I have any good advice, as I just changed jobs to deal with the situation. But I will say that having a good friend at work can make it more tolerable. You guys don't even have to have a lot in common-- just someone you can easily chat with. Sometimes they can introduce you to some of your other co-workers too. Overall, I didn't enjoy my brief stint in retail, but I enjoyed it much more when I was working with a friend.

    Ah, another random thing that worked for me. I find it much easier to talk to people on a one-on-one basis. I get to know and can relate to others much more easily like that. You might try talking to some of your co-workers individually and maybe try and foster some friendships there.

    Sorry I don't have very good advice. I understand where you're coming from though. :)
    Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    I must confess that I prefer to be with 2 people instead of 1 and this has happened to me always. If I am with 2 people then I just can sit and listen to the conversation and if I have something to talk about then I say it and the flow of the conversation keeps going, but if I am with one person and we have nothing in common then I struggle to find something to talk about with that person and if the conversation is going no where I get up and pretend that I have something important to do, as an excuse to be by myself.

    I think that human interactions take a lot of energy from me and are difficult than the job itself. People can drain a lot of energy from me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicoshan View Post
    I can definitely relate to this. I work completely alone at my current job (and I love it!), but in the past I've had a lot of problems with being the "different" person. I loved working with others at a restaurant and met some great friends there, But I hated working in retail. There was so much gossip and drama. I think my biggest difficulties arose from being very introverted and having much different interests than my co-workers. I tried being more outgoing, but I had a pretty hard time with it.

    I understand what you mean about others sometimes getting away with their "bad" behavior. I always attributed it to playing favorites in a sense. People like other people like themselves, and they'll probably overlook the mistakes of their "friends". I had a boss who would continually overlook the mistakes of some her more boisterous workers (probably b/c they would often go out for drinks together), but was very critical of my mistakes-- and I consider myself to be a very hard worker.

    Heh to be honest, I can't say I have any good advice, as I just changed jobs to deal with the situation. But I will say that having a good friend at work can make it more tolerable. You guys don't even have to have a lot in common-- just someone you can easily chat with. Sometimes they can introduce you to some of your other co-workers too. Overall, I didn't enjoy my brief stint in retail, but I enjoyed it much more when I was working with a friend.

    Ah, another random thing that worked for me. I find it much easier to talk to people on a one-on-one basis. I get to know and can relate to others much more easily like that. You might try talking to some of your co-workers individually and maybe try and foster some friendships there.

    Sorry I don't have very good advice. I understand where you're coming from though. :)
    Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Sorry, I don't have my email set up right, so I wasn't aware that you replied!

    Yeah, I can definitely relate to Feelers a lot better. I have a lot of problems with more direct, blunt people (like the TJ boss you mentioned). I think a lot of that is related to my perception of the person's motives though. My fiance is blunt, but his "bluntness" (is this a word??) has never bothered me. I think it's because I know his motives. He's telling me something to help me. (I can also be pretty blunt with those I know well). When it's someone I don't know as well, I can't tell if they're just being direct or mean.

    I have been using self talk to work on my difficulties with relating to other types. If someone is being very direct (not mean), and it makes me uncomfortable, I'll tell myself the positives about the situation. Ex: They aren't irritated with me., It's good that they were direct, b/c now I know exactly what they want, and I can do a better job., etc. It sounds kind of funny, but it's been working well for me.

    Now the "bitchy" person you mentioned earlier is a whole different matter. . . I've worked with people like that and it is not fun. . . I'm sorry. :(
    Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    I have never truly given up on my own position, but I have felt differently about it at different points in time. Sometimes I find it hard to retain a sense of my own individuality when I am delving into the heads of so many other people on a regular basis. But recently I have come to something of a revelation. If my nature and behaviour have not changed, then it is simply a problem of perception. I definitely relate to feeling 'out of place' among others, even peer groups, or feeling as though I am 'hiding in plain sight'. It used to make me terribly insecure, but my principles would not let me act out of accordance with my internal sense of identity and integrity, so instead I used to just blend into the background, paralysed. I realise this was not always thus. When I was very young, I used to have no such problems. I was always tentative, I guess, and a little worried about how I came across to others. But this was not an all-consuming train of thought. Why? I believe because in youthful ignorance, I was unaware of exactly how differently I was perceived by others, and I was less aware of how others were different to myself, so it didn't bother me. Why now, when I am more perceptive, is it a problem?

    I think it all boils down to confidence. I've recently made a promise to myself that just because I am always seeking to understand other people and their points of view, and try to be respectful in disagreement, does not mean I should have to lose even an inkling of my own beliefs or convictions in the process. I can simply state the truth about myself to another, and perhaps make good use of self-deprecating humour. If they want to interpret me as being a weirdo, that's their prerogative. I'm happy with who I am, and in fact, little makes me happier than the feeling I am able to be genuine, without arbitrary restraint. I shouldn't be made to apologise for being myself if my actions do not overtly hurt others. It wouldn't do to all be the same, after all. And sometimes I find being able to be upfront and completely au fait with your eccentricities can make other people more accepting of them, as strange as that concept seems to me.

    That said, I do feel more comfortable when I am around people I can relate to. I suppose I've been quite fortunate because with the work experience I have had, most of the people there have been quite interesting. However there were a couple of people who seemed quite pressuring by nature, as if they didn't have time for you unless you were the most risk-embracing, fearless extraverted type. Another one was quite insensitive, trying to be empathetic and supportive of the volunteers she was overseeing on the phone, but then whining about their whining to the rest of the office. Most people are okay though. I'm also a one-on-one person. I suppose because I seek to communicate directly to the core of others, and I feel this is most possible in an intimate setting. The more people there are, the more crowded out I feel, the less deep everything becomes. And while a good laugh is refreshing and even necessary from time to time, it isn't my bread and butter.
    ethylester, amethyst_butterfly and Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  7. #7

    These posts seem to apply to the work environment, yet I still see some of similarities. So far I haven't had to change much of my introverted behaviors to make it through the school day, but outside of school, especially in conversation, I have to keep my filter up. I sometimes like to discuss the philosophical and moral issues of good and evil in humanity, and I can delve into really dark territory that would disturb most people if they're not in some related field where they see, deal, and discuss such things. Hell, what I say disturbs me sometimes and makes me wonder if I need therapy. As far as changing behaviors for other situations, I really don't unless I feel accepted by everyone there. So I stay pretty introverted for the majority of my activities.
    amethyst_butterfly and Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    I understand what you mean, some people can be so direct that they sound so harsh and you don't know if that person has a personal issue with you. Since my knowledge of personality theories I have tried to not take things so personally, like at work for example. If my boss is rushing me to do things quick or if all of the sudden she has a bad temper then I said to myself, this person is a TJ and that is their natural temperament.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicoshan View Post
    Sorry, I don't have my email set up right, so I wasn't aware that you replied!

    Yeah, I can definitely relate to Feelers a lot better. I have a lot of problems with more direct, blunt people (like the TJ boss you mentioned). I think a lot of that is related to my perception of the person's motives though. My fiance is blunt, but his "bluntness" (is this a word??) has never bothered me. I think it's because I know his motives. He's telling me something to help me. (I can also be pretty blunt with those I know well). When it's someone I don't know as well, I can't tell if they're just being direct or mean.

    I have been using self talk to work on my difficulties with relating to other types. If someone is being very direct (not mean), and it makes me uncomfortable, I'll tell myself the positives about the situation. Ex: They aren't irritated with me., It's good that they were direct, b/c now I know exactly what they want, and I can do a better job., etc. It sounds kind of funny, but it's been working well for me.

    Now the "bitchy" person you mentioned earlier is a whole different matter. . . I've worked with people like that and it is not fun. . . I'm sorry. :(
    Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Yes, and content! ;)
    Fairy Dust thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    Hmm I dont have a lot of experience in this, but I have worked at the same part time job for over two years.

    Try to be sociable but still true to yourself. I have a bad habbit of laughing at peoples jokes, even ones that are possibly hurtful to others, im not even really laughing its fake, but its still bad to be like that.

    I often try to avoid people at work and they think im stuck up sometimes, the way I feel is the less I interact with them the less likely i'll make a bad impression or something.
    Fairy Dust thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 92
    Last Post: 12-22-2015, 06:20 PM
  2. [INTJ] How do Thinkers Manage to Feel What They Feel?
    By purplepokadots in forum INTJ Forum - The Scientists
    Replies: 92
    Last Post: 05-11-2012, 07:26 AM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-20-2011, 02:36 PM
  4. [ENFP] how do you conduct your romantic life?
    By Letral in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 05-31-2010, 12:13 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:49 PM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0