[INFP] Stream of Consciousness/Vent Thread

Stream of Consciousness/Vent Thread

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This is a discussion on Stream of Consciousness/Vent Thread within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I want this to be a place where we can talk about what is really going on in our minds. ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists


    Stream of Consciousness/Vent Thread

    I want this to be a place where we can talk about what is really going on in our minds. Let out your feelings, your thoughts, desires, and confusions of every kind. If you have an insight, or a depressing thought....do share. There are no boundaries here. :)



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    as a person who spent a good portion of my life doing everything in my power to stifle supress and down right destroy all emotion I have a hard time with it now. I did my absolute best to eliminate it, because for the most part the shear magnitude of negative feelings I had been gathering in my life was going to drive me insane. So I did the one thing that I could do at the time and that was suppress, bury and kill all semblance of emotion. If I wasn't being crippled by it, then I could at least go about doing something about it and work towards a solution.

    Now I'm older and life isn't as bad as it was, so I've been trying to really experience emotion again care about things. Let other emotions beside the occasional spot of mindless rage consume my being and steal my ability to reason. What I've come to realise is for the most part, I feel like my emotions don't belong to me. like their some distant thing ignored and suppressed for so long they seem awkward and clumsy and over powering. They erode at the self control, and dedication to reason I have crafted over these many years and I often feel lost.

    Unwilling to admit to people I know that I could even feel things deeply, or that anything really matters to me. No one knows me truly and for the most part no one really cares too. Which in some ways is comforting because the notion of somebody getting close enough to actually injure me again and leave that gaping black abyss. That chasm of hopelessness, frustration, and deep sadness, that suffuses my body until I have no choice left but to put most efforts into fighting the feeling. Fearing what it might do to me and what horrible pitiable creature I may become if it's left unchecked.

    I feel a bit like a coward, but I realize, that the realization will in fact allow me to confront this issue boldly and with open eyes. This is one of the first time I've really admitted my frustrations, or even having fears or weakness of any sort. I may say I'm wrong but will in general never admit to it being an issue of me as a person being incapable of being right in the situation. Here I think it is an issue of me as a person and I'm going to try and confront this screwed up world of feeling I willingly buried. It scares the living shit out of me, and I don't really know what I'm doing anymore but I'll at least try and if I fail I'll dust myself off and go at it again. After all it's only failure if you accept it.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists


    I repress most of my emotions and feelings in real life unless someone taps into the reservoir of anger which sometimes boils over.

    I laugh uncontrollably at stupid humor like The Office and the Onion News Network. Sometimes I laugh so hard that I cry. But I never show sadness beyond my normal blank demeanor. At funerals, I don't cry. I just carry a heavy weight in my heart until the sadness yields to my usual melancholic temperament.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    I get the feeling everything in life is about desire...
    Desire is what drives us. It sounds so shallow and simple but it seems to be true.
    Can someone proof me wrong?
    PeacePassion, joyrjw, sensei.of.slow and 56 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    ...It's like I have this great void in me, and then, once there was a bird, gabba gabba, I forget to brush my teeth sometimes, I need to do the laundry and I hate doing laundry, I dunno what I'm gonna eat today, why does nothing ever happen? I eat way too much snacks and junk food and I should exercise more. And the tap water in these apartments really suck, and I can't find that one brand of lactose-free milk that I can actually drink, and I've only been drinking Coke for days, and I like to take long walks and I wish something would actually happen during them, you know this xkcd comic where this guy complains that the empty city at the very earliest hours of morning isn't as good a place to meet people as it should be? I agree. I watched part of this movie called The Bird People in China, it really wasn't anywhere near as good as expected, I'm kinda disappointed but I intend to give it another chance. An ink eraser is an instrument used to remove ink from a writing surface. There are two types: a traditional metal ink eraser, in which the ink is literally scraped off the surface, and the chemically imbibed ink eradicator, in which a vinyl eraser is imbibed with a substance that chemically reacts with the ink to remove it. I spoke to a guy at school today during chemistry class, he didn't seem too friendly or too bright. Me and my roommate are conducting this experiment where we are only talking english at home, and we're swedish. I had a short conversation with a finnish girl, she was nice. Some worker houses from the 19th Century still remain in the area close to the estuary. A substantial Post War Local Authority housing estate was developed in the 1930s. Further local authority housing was developed in the 1970s and in the early 2000s more housing has been built. About 28% of the properties in the area are detached houses with about 36% of the housing stock being semi-detached. I have tinnitus sometimes for weeks in a row, then it disappears. I also have recurring migraines. The wall's moat has also left its mark on London; it forms the line of the street of Houndsditch. This was once London's main rubbish disposal site and was notorious for its appalling odour; its name, according to the 16th century historian John Stow, was derived "from that in old time, when the same lay open, much filth (conveyed forth of the City) especially dead dogges were there laid or cast." The moat was finally covered over and filled in at the end of the 16th century, becoming the present street. Is that George Lucas behind the camera? This equipment is fully digital and does not require the use of film. The cameras are activated by a loop embedded in the road surface and will take three pictures. The first and second photographs will show the movement of the vehicle and the third is a close up of the vehicle to determine the make, model, colour and registration number. The time and date will be recorded with each image. These images are down loaded direct to the viewing office for processing via a standard ASDL line. This equipment was type approved by the Secretary of State in May 2003. As is the case of fixed roadside Gatso cameras, there is a requirement to have secondary check marks painted on stretches of road covered by RedSpeed digital speed cameras. The marks are placed exactly one metre apart, so the distance travelled by the speeding vehicle between the two photographs can be calculated. This is done purely as a safeguard for the driver to ensure the speed registered by the camera is accurate. With digital cameras, the speed between the check marks is calculated automatically by the processing equipment. Where there is a discrepancy or the equipment fails to produce the secondary speed check, no action will be taken against the driver. Kyle, your word is "phylum"...



    tl:dr; So lonely, dunno what to do.
    PeacePassion, joyrjw, Citsith and 49 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ISFJ - The Nurturers

    *hugs all the INFPs*
    Aurora Fire, LadyJava, PeacePassion and 219 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers


    Ugh, the stuff that's usually on my mind seems to personal to voice.
    PeacePassion, Lunar Eclipse, joyrjw and 38 others thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Okay well... I am going to let some of it out. You don't want it all. Believe me.

    I am tired of getting hurt. I am tired of getting emotionally attached to people so easy and then have them rip that away.
    Why can't I ever make any friends? It really bugs me. My newest friend has been my friend for six years now. Every time I try...I fail. I will try to take initiative and strike up a conversation. This doesn't ever go anywhere. Is as if once the talk is over, regardless of how long or short it is, it goes back to the way it was prior to the conversation. I really don't like my social awkwardness. It's hard enough talking to another guy I don't know, but when its a girl... I am a complete idiot. I really get that thread about how guys get dumber talking to beautiful women. It really bothers me that for one reason or another the befriending challenge largely extends to even online, where I am much more social. Do people hate me? Am I invisible?

    I really dislike my intellegience. I consider myself a dumb INFP. I haven't played an instrament aside a recorder, at least thats what they called it back in 4-6th grade. I like music but I am also very picky on which I like. I can be a decent artist but I have to have a reference, and a bit of time to draw. I don't particularly get any enjoyment out of drawing either. I like working with wood, but the tools for any project I would like to do are a bit expensive. I miss karate, I want to go back into the martial arts. I don't have the time nor money to do so however. I REALLY want to take up archery: not as a sport, just for recreation.
    I hate homework. I am in college but in a Junior college. They give much more busy work than normal colleges from what I observed. It is really annoying. I have a horrible memory for specifics. I can't remember names or formula or details in literary work. While as a person I am fine with this, it is a bit bothersome. The details are what everyone expects you to remember. *sigh*

    I worry that I wont find a girlfriend again. I haven't gone out on a date in 3 years. I am 22 and have no real strategy on even going about finding one. I can't even seem make new friends so this seems like an impossible task. I really, really, REALLY, don't like my lack of hobbies. I have things I want to do, but unfortunately I can't afford them because I don't have a job. I don't like not having a job. I must have a secret label on my forehead saying "Don't hire me, I am made of nuclear waste and fail!" I have been looking, albeit not constantly for a job since my first year out of high school. I graduated in 05 if you were wondering. The town I live next too sucks freaking hairy monkey nuts. Unless you want a job in retail or fast food. Good luck finding anything. I believe this lack of choice is a big part of why I don't get hired, along with my college schedule. I would think an INFP male would be a horrible salesmen. I want to get out of my Junior college already. I am almost done but the classes I need to transfer are stacked in a way that has postponed my transfer be over a year.

    I really worry about my future career plans. I have no idea what I want to do. I thought about teacher, but lately all I hear on the news is them getting the short end of the stick.

    I feel hollow, or perhaps dead inside. I don't know how you categorize this but. I don't get "energy from either talking to "people" or being by myself. I only feel energized when I am talking or just being around people I care about: which is something in very short supply these days. I feel as if my dreams are becoming more and more distant and distorted as I try to "compromise" to get what I want. Occasionally I meet cool people online, but I often wonder where are they in real life? I usually give up because I assume they are in a similar position I am, which means I will have to either be lucky enough to get partnered up with them in a class, or go door by door asking if there is an INFP in the house.

    Since about a year and a half ago, I started to laugh quite a bit more. I laugh at just about anything, granted I am comfortable with the company. I do wonder though if I am really happy or just using humor as an emotional high to get over my gloom.
    I always feel and think like when talking to the opposite sex, that they probably think I am trying to come on to them. 99% of the time this isn't the case. I need to get over that issue, but I don't know if its just me thinking this or if it really is the case.

    Okay, while that was a bunch of negative mumbo jumbo, I figured I would talk about some more positive things, despite being in a sad mood for the past five days. I do like my personality by and large. I like being kind and good. I like having complete faith in my values and morals. I like knowing that when I give my word to someone, I go out of my way to try to fulfill it. I love love, even if I don't get as much as I would like. I look forward to having children some day. I think being a dad would be very rewarding. I like seeing things in a different light from people around me, even other INFPs. I like that I can, at least I think I can, see problems from many perspectives. I had to learn this in my previous relationship to defuse tensions, expand ideas, etc. I really like my dreams, even though some of them can be a bit dark and depressing. I also like the rain, I know, a bit random. I like how my imagination takes off when reading or watching something I really enjoy. I feel as if I am in the reality that I am experienceing.

    I would add more but, I am both pressed for time, as I have to start getting ready for class soon, and that I am still a bit depressed(?) about a multitude of things. Not to mention a bit angry at myself for a undisclosed reason. The anger part is legit and I am dealing with it properly, other overwhelming things have just slowed it up a bit i'm thinking.

    If any of you feel like saying hi or w/e please do. I come on PC not just for information, but to talk and get to know people. I have to get out of my comfort zone to get things solved, and PC is a nice first step. Almost everyone knows about the personality types, If only people in my area shared the same parallel.

    Random thought from just that last part: I should go to school one day with a INFP name tag on my shirt to see if anything happens. Not like I am worried about becoming a social outcast, I am already there! Thanks for reading my rant, thoughts, or whatever you would like to call the abomination above. ^

    Edit:

    I wrote more that I thought >.< sorry.
    Last edited by Blueguardian; 09-14-2009 at 09:41 AM. Reason: wow bigger than I thought.
    PeacePassion, Cinemama, Nym and 100 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTP - The Thinkers


    I can relate to a lot of this stuff Blueguardian. *man-hug*
    Blueguardian, joyrjw, SuperNova85 and 25 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Unknown Personality

    I feel like one in a million when it comes to accepting people for who they are. My lover even said that he's never ever seen anyone as accepting as I am, and he even has a hard time believing it.

    This sucks.. cause there's always people bashing other people and I'm always like, Why? Just let them be.

    And that's what on my mind.


     
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