[INFP] "dark" versus "positive" INFP - Page 3

"dark" versus "positive" INFP

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This is a discussion on "dark" versus "positive" INFP within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; It's not difficult to be dark. Just look around. I mean, really look around. But being dark doesn't make things ...

  1. #21
    INFP - The Idealists

    It's not difficult to be dark. Just look around. I mean, really look around. But being dark doesn't make things better for anyone, maybe for you (and I'm not so sure about that). And an attitude like that will piss off more and more people and you'll hate them more and more and the spiral will begin to twist and it'll never end. And then you'll die alone, no big deal.
    Positive people live longer, which is natural. But I'm not so sure if just that is enough. I agree with Lad, being positive and good while still being able to 'do what needs to be done' seems like a fine choice for an attitude.
    niki, Simplify, Eye of the Potato and 1 others thanked this post.

  2. #22
    INFP - The Idealists

    Right now I'm pretty devoted to the positive side...But in time my anger may take over.

  3. #23
    INFP - The Idealists

    I think I am neither dark nor light but somewhere in between. Though I do feel intensely either way. I can be full of life and love and joy on certain days, and other days I am brimming with loathing and disgust for the world and all that is in it. I ride my moods like the weather. When it rains, I let it rain. When it's sunny, I let it shine. Some days are easier than others. I can't say I'm more cynical or more optimistic because it changes so often. My normal state is something around neutral, restless, pensive.

    I find that when I do enter that horrid world of the hopeless cynic, my best defense is to STOP thinking about it. I think that's the only thing that has ever worked for me. It sounds so silly, but allowing myself to plunge into darkness nonstop has not proved worth a shit to me. When I find myself entering this world I will step outside of my mind for a minute and say "I don't like feeling like this. This sucks. Make it stop" and I will find a distraction which usually involves deadening my mind in some way or changing scenery.

    When I was younger, if I felt horrible like that, I would let it out through music, singing or doing something creative. For some reason I don't do this anymore. I really miss it. Maybe this is the "jaded" persona coming out.
    moonlight_echo, Eolande, Ode to Trees and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #24
    INFP - The Idealists

    I'll just say that I see both sides in myself. It fluctuates.
    niki, Simplify, mushr00m and 16 others thanked this post.

  5. #25
    INFP - The Idealists

    As a teenager, I was a little darker. I was really drawn to dark things and went through a bout of depression. I was not accepted by my family and had few friends. My peers were not accepting. However, since then I've married and moved away and I find that I'm drawn to lightness. I would not call myself bubbly by any stretch of the imagination, but I am drawn to kindness, lightness, goodness, purity, etc. I love rich and varied colors, both dark and light. I enjoy many different types of music, movies, comedy, and so on. I have become less... polar or dualistic... in my preferences. I try to "water the good seeds" (as I am prone to sadness) with happy/soothing surroundings, while still embracing darkness as a necessary counterpart to light.

    I think my relationship with my spouse has saved me in a lot of ways, and my affinity for animals and children. My husband is a pretty upbeat kind of guy, with a cynical streak. He doesn't take anything too seriously. I don't know who I would be if I didn't have his love and acceptance to help me through the tough times. I wonder if this is the distinction between myself and "dark" INFP's-- even if it's only one person, at least someone understands me and loves me unconditionally, and exacts an influence over the way I process emotions.
    niki, melancolie, OpRise and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #26
    INFP - The Idealists

    i think INFPs have a strong tendency to be extremely pessimistic.

    taken from The Personality Page

    "Its not an uncommon tendency for the INFP to look to the external world primarily for information that will support their ideas and values. However, if this tendency is given free reign, the resulting INFP personality is too self-centered to be happy or successful."

    "As a result, the INFP does not take in enough information about the external world to have a good sense of what's going on. They see nothing but their own perspective, and deal with the world only so far as they need to in order to support their perspective. These individuals usually come across as selfish and unrealistic."

    If you are a pessimist to begin with (which many of us are), this tendency to take in only external stimuli to support your ideas will only push you further from reality. A scary thought.
    niki, pretyhowtown, iinnffpp and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #27
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I lean towards the dark side, simply because I have a more reserved demeanor and when I open it up it is more intense & serious than light & bubbly. I never have been, never will be, and have no desire to be an upbeat, always positive type of person. I feel like that would be a denial of the very real side of life that is not sunshine & roses. I need to acknowledge that side & relate to it in others, because only then can I understand it enough to keep it in check.

    However, I don't feel cynical & jaded either. I don't give into the bitterness. The bouts of cyncism don't last long now because I don't allow them to. Ultimately, I am idealistic, but not to a point of being naively optimistic; I just keep hope & look for inspiration.
    This could almost describe me.

    While I do admire the more upbeat type of INFP, I know that I'll never be one. I've never been bubbly, but reserved and quietly intense. I wouldn't say I'm completely dark either though. Thoughtful is the word I would use, and often melancholy. I can be easily depressed, but no matter how dark the world seems to get, I'm never completely dark - if that makes sense. I seem to be a strange balance of lighthearted, cynical, and serious.
    niki, OrangeAppled, mushr00m and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #28
    Unknown Personality

    well i am definitely closer to dark than light as a person. a lot of it was because of my dysfunctional family life and some physical troubles i had as a child. most of my childhood was very unhappy, so it's not rocket science that for the longest time i was extremely pessimistic and despairing. i was like this even up to and a bit after i graduated college. only in the last few years have i very slowly improved, though i admit that it's still a big struggle. the thing is that even though i have a great capacity to withstand pessimism and other bullshit, i have a breaking point. i reached it and now i have to heal, and i am healing.

    it's not good to think in dichotomies, like dark vs light infp. the truth is that most of life and most of our personalities are a blend of both good and bad. we are somewhere in the middle. and likewise i try to keep my thoughts and feelings neutral, not necessarily positive and bubbly in the annoying sense. when we do fall into a funk, we should acknowledge our feelings but not get too sucked into them. i think infps especially can really benefit from buddhist teachings. they've helped me out a lot.
    niki, OpRise, Eolande and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #29
    INFP - The Idealists

    I tend to be pretty dark; but so is my sense of humour, so it helps me laugh too. I really do have to fight for every day since all good things in my life tend to crash. It probably wouldn't be so bad if they'd whittle down to sea level, but frequently things go from mountain to trench and at times when I am week or exhausted to start. I also try not to blame the world for it, since how the fuck can it know when I'm tired; but I am human, and blame I will that which had gone up and finally come crashing down. Unfortunately, it happens often enough that I'm currently licking the wounds from several of these instances, and am feeling little to be passionate about since it feels like all that I lay my hand to crumbles to dust. I am a cynic in order to laugh about it so that I may take breaks from my weeping.
    OpRise and Eolande thanked this post.

  10. #30
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by kaptainblank View Post
    As an INFP who constantly teeters on the dark side (at least I think I'm an INFP for now), I can attribute my bouts of negativity to what I see as the INFP "split personality." Because INFPs are such idealists, we tend to imagine the perfect self -- in the perfect world -- with the perfect people -- the perfect relationships -- the perfect vocation -- the perfect way of life that is truest to our natures....the perfect everything.

    And in order to be happy and fulfilled in these idealistic scenarios, we may create idealized mental personas that present us at our most perfect (influenced by the very standards and values we set for ourselves)...for what good is living in the perfect if I must be imperfect?

    However, as soon as I leave my inner world to face reality, I feel disillusioned and disheartened. The very persona that I created for myself is gone or diminished down to it's flawed and imperfect state. The very world I idealized is just a facade, and all my aspirations seem impractical and/or unreachable. I set the bar too high, and thus, I end up thoroughly disappointed.

    In order to compensate, I become cynical, apathetic, and nihilistic. I end up closing myself off from everyone and everything around me. I put myself in a state of solitary confinement, depression sets in, my nihilism grows stronger, and I become a, cynical, self-critical, miserable recluse who feels completely dead inside.

    This is me at rock bottom. I'm certainly not like this all of the time...but it just happens to be the inevitable result of spending too much time yearning for the ideal and not spending enough time actually implementing my aspirations in the real world through tangible goals-- out of fear, anxiety, insecurity, apathy, indifference, procrastination, lack of motivation, inattention, and of course, having overly-idealistic standards of what I want to achieve.

    In short, nothing is ever good enough, and things could always be better.--- And it is this perfectionist outlook on life which both drives me towards success and propels me into a dark, empty rut of bitterness and longing. The only time I assume the bright and positive side of an INFP is when my Ne is allowed to run a muck with creative potentials and possibilities that distract me from the perfectionistic grip of Fi. Thus, I am happiest when I am engaging in creative and meaningful change in the outside world in some form or another, whether it be through people, objects, etc, and not being so self-absorbed by my own negativity.

    But because I need to be inspired to action for any of this to unfold, and because inspiration is often scarce, I can end up embedding myself for too long in the confines of my mind....and while positive things can emerge from my musings, so can the vicious rut of negativity if I allow myself to become too idealistic and self-critical.

    Granted, I can tolerate the "dark side" better than most people I know, and I often tend to indulge in it for my own amusement and/or enlightenment. I'd much rather be a jaded and cynical INFP who is not afraid of the muck and the mire, than those who wear nothing but rose-colored glasses and end up deluding themselves.
    This explains me better than I can myself! Thanks for saving me from having to write it out!!!!

    I also feel I am both light and dark at the same time-I fluctuate between the two effortlessly. This makes me sound bi-polar but I'm not. I think part of the "turning" lies in the fact that I can see so much potential for things and people and myself. It's as though there is a dark chasm that lies between myself and my beautiful goals and dreams of perfection.

    I can see the dreams sparkling on the other side and life is great, I can reach out and touch the dreams and make them a reality, but uh-oh, what's that? the self-doubt monster is leaping from the void and grips onto my leg, pulling me down to a world of "what if's" and "I'm not good enoughs". I can still see the dreams glimmering and calling to me, so there is still some hope that I may reach them, but there seems to be such a huge monster to defeat first that at times it all seems too hard and I might slip away into the void forever. (Then I need to see the doctor).
    OpRise and Bago thanked this post.

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