[INFP] Physical Insecurities?

Physical Insecurities?

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This is a discussion on Physical Insecurities? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Sup my fellow INFP's? As INFPs, it's pretty common to find that our rep involves being perceived as sensitive and ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Physical Insecurities?

    Sup my fellow INFP's?


    As INFPs, it's pretty common to find that our rep involves being perceived as sensitive and insecure. Many of the topics on this forum coincide with insecurities becoming an issue we'd like to fix or discuss...yet I've noticed that virtually none of them (at least recently...) involve or emphasize physical insecurities. This makes sense, as it seems as a consensus we would value the character of a person much greater than their appearance, as well as the fact that this website is devoted to personality type.

    However, we live in a world driven by a very specific idea as to what beauty encompasses and no matter how subjective one's personal sense of beauty may be, it is hard to avoid. I have struggled with confidence issues based on my appearance, and still do to an extent. Nothing too bad, but it can affect my interaction with people at times. I can be idealistic about the way I want to appear vs. the way I actually appear. I find that I can be hard on myself about the way I look and in the past felt guilty for falling for the ridiculously good looking guy and not the guy with a compatible personality .


    Have any of you struggled with confidence issues relating to your appearance? Do you have (or have had) any insecurities based on your looks? What is your perception of physical beauty? Would you say it is "idealistic" in any way? What are your thoughts about how one should physically appear?
    silverlined, NeonBomb, SVALP and 5 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by fresh View Post
    I can be idealistic about the way I want to appear vs. the way I actually appear. I find that I can be hard on myself about the way I look and in the past felt guilty for falling for the ridiculously good looking guy and not the guy with a compatible personality .
    Sounds like you've conformed to the idea that your sexual partners have to be soulmates to some degree or you are guilty for some reason. I can only assume you picked that idea off everyone else spouting pseudo morals and philosophy around you.

    -

    Since the INFP is an idealist, we can develop dysmorphic disorder quite easily. We get stuck on how one aspect of our appearance should look in accordance to our ever-shifting ideals, and unless we're models of our own sexual preferences then we might eventually pass a negative judgement.

    To put it simply; we get an idea of how we want to look and then we are disappointed when we can't achieve it. This also happens in Enneagram Type 4's who may lack a strong sense of self, who can become disappointed in the process of understanding their sexual appeal.

    There's always some understanding to be reached, exercise that can be done, or make-up and styles that can be worn. Because I had dysmorphic disorder, I was convinced that I was born with a hideous face and that my weak physique was somehow attractive. Fortunately, I got over those delusional beliefs. Nothing hurts your game like a mental disorder.
    Last edited by Modesty; 10-01-2011 at 09:09 AM.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    I've been struggling with my weight since high school. I know it's not that bad, but I just feel disgusting whenever I look in the mirror. There are also certain parts of my body that I can't stand: my nose, my legs, my fucking giant boobs (I know some people would die to have 'em but I would love to be like 3 sizes smaller). I know that in order to be happy with my life I need to be confident in myself and happy with the way I am, but it's extremely difficult for me. I know that society's influenced me to think that thin=attractive but if that's so ingrained in your mind is it possible to see past it? Wow, this thread made me realize that I really need to start working on my self confidence. I just don't know where to start. >_<
    refugee, ii V I, Lad and 4 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    I don't feel like I've had a major issue centering around my appearance. Of course when I was in my teen years I didn't know how to dress up and had hated some of my body parts, but most of those worries are gone by now. But I do get rather self-conscious sometimes when it gets to the point where I want to be liked by a good-looking guy. One physical aspect that I get rather self-conscious about is body weight. I'm not fat, but I'm not slender (waist to hip ratio not a perfect 0.7). I'm Asian, and since there are so many small-framed & skinny Asian girls, I often feel too large standing beside them :S Oh yea, side note: I feel like my left eye is quite significantly asymmetrical to my right eye.

    But that's pretty much it. I think it's quite a normal amount of self-consciousness.

    Yeah, sometimes I feel bad for not considering the not-good-looking guys as potential romantic interests, but I feel pretty good-looking myself, and I heard people tend to end up with people of about the same level of good-looks (although that might not work with me since my weird personality would eliminate most of those good-looking guys from my dating pool).
    Lad, Somniorum and fresh thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by fresh View Post
    Sup my fellow INFP's?


    As INFPs, it's pretty common to find that our rep involves being perceived as sensitive and insecure. Many of the topics on this forum coincide with insecurities becoming an issue we'd like to fix or discuss...yet I've noticed that virtually none of them (at least recently...) involve or emphasize physical insecurities. This makes sense, as it seems as a consensus we would value the character of a person much greater than their appearance, as well as the fact that this website is devoted to personality type.

    However, we live in a world driven by a very specific idea as to what beauty encompasses and no matter how subjective one's personal sense of beauty may be, it is hard to avoid. I have struggled with confidence issues based on my appearance, and still do to an extent. Nothing too bad, but it can affect my interaction with people at times. I can be idealistic about the way I want to appear vs. the way I actually appear. I find that I can be hard on myself about the way I look and in the past felt guilty for falling for the ridiculously good looking guy and not the guy with a compatible personality .


    Have any of you struggled with confidence issues relating to your appearance? Do you have (or have had) any insecurities based on your looks? What is your perception of physical beauty? Would you say it is "idealistic" in any way? What are your thoughts about how one should physically appear?
    I remember as a teenager I was very insecure about how I look. This was not helped by the fact that I was often teased about it. I don't think about it too much anymore, but I do think that underneath it all the insecurity is still there and actually has big impact on how I perceive myself.
    Lad and fresh thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ

    3 main physical insecurities in my life...

    *Biggest one is race.
    I'm a halfer (Caucasian / Asian) and for the longest period of time I found it difficult to feel at ease in either of those groups. While in some cases in my life, I've felt chastised because of my background, in other cases I've been coveted because of it. This leads to my 6w (skeptic) ways and on whether people accept or reject on 'appropriate' grounds. Beyond that, the inconsistency can drive you nuts and you'll wrack your brain trying to figure out why things are different today from yesterday. Let's just say though, it leads to tons of experimentation in terms of style and behavior.

    2nd~
    I used to be paranoid about my teeth for the greater portion of my life. Most of them are fine, but I have those nice sharp primal K9's. To my surprise, I find that some girls seem to like it, but I wonder if that's because of this whole Twilight phenomenon :P.

    3rd is weight~
    I have a wicked fast metabolism (perhaps overactive thyroid) and while I'm 6' and 175 (which is decent, but I want to be higher) I find that I have to eat constantly just to maintain that. Combine that with working out and so much more food... :[... I'm getting tired of spaghetti.

    As for how others appear, I truly believe that everyone is attractive, but it's your relationship with that person that can transcend them into beautiful in your eyes. I don't think you want a sidestepping answer though, so...

    (women)
    minimal makeup -- I prefer if only your hairstyle or outfit are interchangeable.
    weight -- excessive in either direction isn't quite as flattering. I don't mind extra, or a little less as long as you wear it with a smile.
    height -- irrelevant, as long as you don't look like you could be my daughter.

    Truthfully, I'm really so flexible on appearance, but I usually work best with the girl next door kind of look instead of the blonde Barbie doll.
    refugee, ii V I, zeBunnyQueen and 5 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    - @Carbineer Kenny

    In reflection, I think I felt guilty for choosing the ridiculously good looking guy because personality wise he never cut it, so I did feel that I was giving into the philosophy of what beauty is supposed to be and the idea that beautiful is better, if one is beautiful they are also smart, good, nice, etc. I fell for my idealistic guy physically, not mentally. Luckily I have passed this. You raise an excellent point about being INFP, Enneagram 4, and possibly having body dysmorphic disorder. I strongly relate to your statement about wanting my looks to coincide with what I deem to be attractive. I wouldn't say I'm really far off as to what I think is attractive but I worry too much what others think and I let it affect my own opinion of myself. As a female, I have my good days and my bad days with this. My weight fluctuates a tiny bit, so do my hormones, so this isn't something I wake up with everyday, but it's something I have struggled with since puberty and continue to improve on. Thank you for your input, it really made me think, and I'm glad you have overcome your issues with it.

    - @Lad and @ficsci

    You both mentioned race and I can also relate to this being a factor for insecurity. I have a very unique face, attributed to being half white and half Polynesian. It's one of those faces that some people find really interesting and perhaps even beautiful while others don't find at all appealing. My features are definitely "subjective", haha. @Lad , it's interesting that you mention being both coveted and chastised for your background, I can really relate to this also. It can be pretty confusing in terms of identifying who you are, what attributes you have that are more like one race than the other.
    refugee, Lad and Sandpaper thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ISTP - The Mechanics

    I have fairly low self esteem and a lot of self-image issues. However - and this sounds really stupid, but hear me out, I'm not trying to belittle anyone or anything - I feel like I can never talk about my insecurities with anyone in my life, even my therapist, because all they say is "but you're so pretty!", as if it's impossible for someone to have self esteem issues just because others might not see the same "flaws". It's called SELF esteem for a reason, not PEER esteem! I wish I could see what other people tell me they see, but I guess that's just something I'm going to have to work on. Buh.
    Jingo, Somniorum, Luke and 4 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Lad View Post
    3 main physical insecurities in my life...

    *Biggest one is race.
    I'm a halfer (Caucasian / Asian) and for the longest period of time I found it difficult to feel at ease in either of those groups. While in some cases in my life, I've felt chastised because of my background, in other cases I've been coveted because of it. This leads to my 6w (skeptic) ways and on whether people accept or reject on 'appropriate' grounds. Beyond that, the inconsistency can drive you nuts and you'll wrack your brain trying to figure out why things are different today from yesterday. Let's just say though, it leads to tons of experimentation in terms of style and behavior.

    2nd~
    I used to be paranoid about my teeth for the greater portion of my life. Most of them are fine, but I have those nice sharp primal K9's. To my surprise, I find that some girls seem to like it, but I wonder if that's because of this whole Twilight phenomenon :P.

    3rd is weight~
    I have a wicked fast metabolism (perhaps overactive thyroid) and while I'm 6' and 175 (which is decent, but I want to be higher) I find that I have to eat constantly just to maintain that. Combine that with working out and so much more food... :[... I'm getting tired of spaghetti.

    As for how others appear, I truly believe that everyone is attractive, but it's your relationship with that person that can transcend them into beautiful in your eyes. I don't think you want a sidestepping answer though, so...

    (women)
    minimal makeup -- I prefer if only your hairstyle or outfit are interchangeable.
    weight -- excessive in either direction isn't quite as flattering. I don't mind extra, or a little less as long as you wear it with a smile.
    height -- irrelevant, as long as you don't look like you could be my daughter.

    Truthfully, I'm really so flexible on appearance, but I usually work best with the girl next door kind of look instead of the blonde Barbie doll.
    I wanted to let you know that I hope you don't mind one bit about your heritage anymore-you shouldn't! Whoever makes it an issue is actually wrong. I am way more mixed than you are (way, way more) and some people do have a strong bias against my heritage, but it is THEIR bigoted problem, not mine. Non-ignorant people realize that we are all of the same blood regardless our mixed heritage, and as you said, some people DO LIKE mixed individuals. The term mixed in itself is misleading, as we are all humans-it is not as if we are reproducing some sort of man-beasts, although of course, to racists, some ethnicities are akin to animals. Damn them all. I advocate more "mixing", and less "purity", to be honest with you. "Miscegeny" rules (I know, I hate the term myself.) I am sorry that some people have evidently given you a hard time (as they have in my life as well) due to your "impurity." Really, you are an awesome person from all I read from your posts, so you need not feel bad about that ONE BIT.

    Oh, and BTW, I am 135 at 5'8, so in perspective, YOU ARE NOT TOO SKINNY. I am, and I don't mind (focusing on building muscle at the moment.) In my case, it matters less becuase I used to be really overweight a few years back, and I am not missing it one bit (210 pounds.) Being this skinny makes me feel actually great about myself, to be honest with you. Having a fast metabolism isn't a curse, and you might end up being able to eat good protein everydya and building some muscle if that's a concern (I don't know if you are already very fit, so I am just throwing it out there.) But you shouldn't feel under weight-I certainly don't care myself, and am actually WARY of being 145, if it's not in the way of muscle.

    @ficsci , your asymmetrical eyes are more than fine-it makes you unique, you know? Also, if your personality is "weird", than you are saying I am weird as well. :P (Hah! Yeah, I am, but IDC. :{P) Be proud of that unique personality of yours, and add it to the list of things you feel great about yourself. Keep feeling this good about yourself, because there's no need to feel otherwise. :)

    About the subject at hand, yes, I used to feel bad about myself, but I also used to be a "substance over image" guy, always neglecting my looks in favor of having a "good heart." My past decision (IMHO) was folly-I NEEDED to take better care of myself, my looks, and my health. It is good to be a beautiful person inside, but why should that exclude trying to look and feel your best? Is beauty relegated to those people with horrible personalities? I think not. I feel it is NOT a sin to be attractive, as well as doing your best to look good-for us INFPs (and for most people as well), it helps a GREAT deal with self-confidence. I am not saying, though, that being overweight ( as I used to) is a sin in itself, I am just saying that working in that aspect in my life, among MANY other things, have boosted my confidence to ridiculous levels-I truly feel good about myself, no matter what people say. I feel hapier now, making my exterior image be more of a match to my nice inner-self-why shouldn't we look and our best, anyway?! We deserve to look as awesome as we are inwardly!

    (I am not arrogant, to those that don't know me. I just feel appearance, although always inferior to a beautiful heart, is an important window to our soul-it is what people see first. We should take precious care of ourselves, not only to "look" good, but also to feel good and have a healthier lifestyle-this has been all my experience, and I mean no offense to any of you beautiful people. Furthermore, I am just expressing how I see myself through my exterior, which is my own INFP thing that I am very proud about.)

    Questions answered, one by one: ^^

    1. (Two in one) Have any of you struggled with confidence issues relating to your appearance? Do you have (or have had) any insecurities based on your looks?

    Yes, I used to, althugh I ignored my appearance in the past. I thought I was meant to be chubby; I was wrong. I no longer have physical insecurities, to be honest with you, although I do work to make everything as "perfect" as it can be, and am always developing my image. Whatever I not like at a given moment, I either develop it, or change it (I can cite examples, as in my hair, which I now make straight-I have wavy hair, and although I can live with it, I rather not.) I am building muscle at the moment, but I don't feel too skinny-I like being skinny, as I used to be big.

    2. What is your perception of physical beauty?

    It is important to me that I look my best, and in an unique way (very personal thing, BTW-this is not a calling that everybody must or should have.) However, I don't require "beautiful physical perfection" (subjective, anyway) from people I like. I must be attracted, but it doesn't take that much, to be quite honest with you. But personality defects do make even the most gorgeous person rather ugly in my eyes, and I cannot be attracted to beautiful people that I feel very far away emotionally-when there is no connection, no bond, I just cannot be fully attracted to somebody, regardless "beauty." The people I have loved the most weren't "perfect goddesses", but they were perfect for me; not only because they were cute and attractive, but because they had very beautiful hearts. ^^

    3. Would you say it is "idealistic" in any way?

    As you can read above, most of what I have typed in here is quite idealistic! Without quotes! I do not, however, form an "ideal" of the type of woman I physically would like (save for very few things-we all have preferences). I don't set a height standard, etc. I gotta be attracted, but I care more for how she is-sometimes, though, her external image gives me a vibe of how she is inside.

    4. What are your thoughts about how one should physically appear?

    You should be at your personal best, that's how I feel about it. It is a work in progress, and one should not only note current "deficiencies", but rather take note of the current victories-the little things you already have that you should already be proud about. For instance, I am "normal" strong (used to be very weak, no well developed muscles, etc.) but even though I am not that strong, I don't feel shame about it, because I am still working on it. ^^ Basically, I am happy to be "normal" strong now, because I used to be very weak, and I know I'll get even better as I keep working on it (I don't like the bulky aesthetic, though-I just want to be even fitter and have a bit more muscle.) And as I said above, you should not be ashamed of trying to look beautiful and attractive-why is it wrong? ;) How can it be negative? We tend to be so hard on ourselves, that I doubt we will get too arrogant about it anyway-although I don't doubt there might be narcissist INFPs, I highly doubt there are too many of them. In others, as I already stated, I only care as far as I get attracted initially-I really care much more if I can connect emotionally with the person, as external beauty is fleeting, but a beautiful heart lasts for a lifetime. I do feel that you should look at your best, but by your own standards, not those of your peers, a TV celebrity, etc. Decide what it means for YOU and YOUR particular case to look at your "best", and work on it-do NOT compare yourself with others, but rather raise the bar for yourself everyday, by YOUR OWN STANDARDS (they will be pretty high as an INFP anyway, I am sure.) Also, I feel we should define ourselves by the way we look (honestly, I beleive in this, but it's a personal view, I admit), and forge an image akin to our inner selves. If that's a t-shirt and jeans, so be it. If that's a totally exuberant-elegant thing, be happy with it. Be happy with yourself. That's all you need to do. Strive to be yourself, internally and externally, so you can be happy with yourself, at all times.

    We need not feel insecure about our looks, no matter our "natural" level of attractiveness, which is so subjective anyway. We need not be deemed shallow just because we care for our own appearance. In my view, it is much more shallow to judge a human being too harshly because he/she is trying to look at his/her best. Some people do it out of selfish vanity, true, but some people just love themselves in a healthy way, and in all truth, there's a healthy amount of vanity that we should allow ourselves-as long as we never feel that we are superior human beings or something ridiculous like that. Let's look and feel our best-it helps with those insecurity issues; I can bear witness to all I have written above.
    Last edited by IcarusDreams; 10-01-2011 at 01:22 AM.
    refugee, Lad, lirica and 2 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Bast View Post
    I have fairly low self esteem and a lot of self-image issues. However - and this sounds really stupid, but hear me out, I'm not trying to belittle anyone or anything - I feel like I can never talk about my insecurities with anyone in my life, even my therapist, because all they say is "but you're so pretty!", as if it's impossible for someone to have self esteem issues just because others might not see the same "flaws". It's called SELF esteem for a reason, not PEER esteem! I wish I could see what other people tell me they see, but I guess that's just something I'm going to have to work on. Buh.
    You are just being a perfectionist with your own image. :) It is normal (especially for an INFP). Remember to be proud with what you already have, though. I am SURE they are not lying to you, so please, do feel proud for what you already have-although it is always wise to keep improving ourselves, and as INFPs, we just tend to always find new ways to "improve" ourselves in some way. Regardless, even if you feel you are not "still there" ragrading physical beauty, you should feel pretty awesome about yourself, even now. :)
    fresh thanked this post.


     
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