[INFP] INFP sister is telling me off for "stealing her interests", any advice?

INFP sister is telling me off for "stealing her interests", any advice?

Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15
Thank Tree21Thanks

This is a discussion on INFP sister is telling me off for "stealing her interests", any advice? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Okay so, to start, I'm an ESFP and my sister is an INFP. We're very close and have similar tastes, ...

  1. #1

    INFP sister is telling me off for "stealing her interests", any advice?

    Okay so, to start, I'm an ESFP and my sister is an INFP. We're very close and have similar tastes, and I don't mean to get into a bunch of stuff she likes, but I just do and she always tells me off for it! It makes me kinda mad because it's not like it's on purpose or anything, but she keeps getting mad at me for it and sometimes even insults my taste in stuff when I like stuff she doesn't like. It's getting kinda frustrating. Any advice from INFPs how I should go about fixing this?



  2. #2
    INFP

    Some immature people see their interests as an extension of their identity, that's why they get mad when you criticize something they like (as if it was directly about them), or feel the need to criticize something you like as a way of empowering themselves. They might place their sense of uniqueness or importance on that, ever heard of people calling themselves 'better' or 'real' fans of something just because they were into it for a longer time than you or, know the names and dates of birth of every member of the band etc. etc.?
    i'm not sure if you can 'fix' that, she just needs to grow up (and start cultivating a sense of identity independent of external factors).

  3. #3

    Alright, I guess I'll just have to tread carefully until she starts leaving me alone about it. Thanks for the advice!

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    The title of your thread caught my eye and I clicked on it in a heart beat. A few years ago, I think I used to behave in a similar way to your sister and even today, there are occasions where I might still do.

    For example, I used to be obsessed with drawing and I used to pour hours and hours and hours into sharpening my craft. Whenever I would go out, I would bring my sketchbook so I could draw from life; people on the train, buildings. Anyway, so some times I go out with my sister and we are sitting in a coffee shop when I decide to get my sketchbook out to fleetingly draw somebody ... and so does she! I cannot put my finger on why but I become irrationally angered. In my mind, my sketchbook is what makes me 'unique' and where I pour my soul. Its a 'thing' and I don't want to share it, especially in front of other people. Irrational and silly? Yes. Can I help it? No. Its just the way I am, I don't like to be copied.

    Years ago I used to be a LOT more possessive. I didn't want my family or anybody to know about my secret pleasures. In other words, I was and can be greedy as hell. Not to mention the fact that as INFP's, we can really intensely define ourselves by what we love. At least, I know I used to. (EDIT : I can't speak for other INFP's!)

    Advice? I'm sorry that I don't really have any. I think its something that your sister will just grow out of, till it doesn't have so much of an impact on either of you. At the end of the day, if something feeds you and makes you happy - then you should really, really enjoy it :-) Maybe you could talk to her about how you feel and ask her why she behaves that way? It sounds like a manifestation of insecurity to me.

    Don't forget about the existence of sibling rivalry. Does she feel threatened by the fact you share the same interests as her? Does she use her interests to define her validity or uniqueness? Her worth? I'd be interested to know about your ages and other factors.
    Last edited by jonkay92; 12-18-2015 at 02:21 PM.
    thesbian02, Windblownhair and Bluefireluv thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP

    Quote Originally Posted by jonkay92 View Post
    Years ago I used to be a LOT more possessive. I didn't want my family or anybody to know about my secret pleasures. In other words, I was and can be greedy as hell. Not to mention the fact that as INFP's, we can really intensely define ourselves by what we love. At least, I know I used to. (EDIT : I can't speak for other INFP's!)
    I can relate. But after some time I started to value the sense of belonging based on shared interests a lot more than just being unique and then bitching about feeling 'misunderstood'.
    thesbian02 thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists


    this happens to me a lot. My weaving mentor will copy my color choices or pattern designs. This bothers me but I say nothing and try to mark it up as a compliment. It doesn't help, however, that she's making money off of my choices. She does cite me as the source of the designs...but still. I designed those colors and patterns for ME and her taking them on for her clients and friends really, really bothers me.

    I would suggest that if you are copy catting your sister (just admit it, you are) then acknowledge that she's inspired you and thank her for it. I think it can be rough as an INFP when you're going against the stream and suddenly someone whose never done that in their life jumps on your back and gets a free ride and doesn't thank you or at least footnote you as the 'source.' It's pretty terrible actually, especially since most INFP's get mocked for being so weird only to have someone steal the best part of their style and get applauded.
    Last edited by sweetraglansweater; 12-18-2015 at 03:15 PM.
    ReverieInSight and thesbian02 thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by sweetraglansweater View Post
    I would suggest that if you are copy catting your sister (just admit it, you are) then acknowledge that she's inspired you and thank her for it. I think it can be rough as an INFP when you're going against the stream and suddenly someone whose never done that in their life jumps on your back and gets a free ride and doesn't thank you or at least footnote you as the 'source.' It's pretty terrible actually, especially since most INFP's get mocked for being so weird only to have someone steal the best part of their style and get applauded.
    I'm probably going to talk to her about it anyways, but the issue is, while I used to copy her on purpose (because I thought she was really cool) but now, while I don't mean to, I often get in to the same things she does. It probably doesn't help that she's only 14 months older than me, so we're both in similar "places" right now, but the reason I was so upset today was that she got mad at me for continuing to watch a show that we watched one episode of together, but afterwards moved on to watching another show, and hadn't ever really indicated to me that she had liked before, so I was really confused. I generally even try to keep away from some of her interests, too, so I'm at my wits end with her acting like I did something on purpose that I was trying to avoid doing. I really hope this doesn't come off as inconsiderate, but it's hard to not do something you don't know you're doing.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by thesbian02 View Post
    I'm probably going to talk to her about it anyways, but the issue is, while I used to copy her on purpose (because I thought she was really cool) but now, while I don't mean to, I often get in to the same things she does. It probably doesn't help that she's only 14 months older than me, so we're both in similar "places" right now, but the reason I was so upset today was that she got mad at me for continuing to watch a show that we watched one episode of together, but afterwards moved on to watching another show, and hadn't ever really indicated to me that she had liked before, so I was really confused. I generally even try to keep away from some of her interests, too, so I'm at my wits end with her acting like I did something on purpose that I was trying to avoid doing. I really hope this doesn't come off as inconsiderate, but it's hard to not do something you don't know you're doing.
    haha, the show watching thing is funny- I can relate to that.

    Sorry you're having to deal with the hissy side of our behavior, OP. That kind of behavior is uncool and much to my chagrin I've done that once, twice...well, maybe alot of times. Eek. I guess it's time to revamp my 'tude closet with a better me...
    thesbian02 and Bluefireluv thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Thanks to all of you guys! I'm probably gonna talk to her about it. Maybe we can come to some sort of agreement! Thanks guys!
    Nei, jonkay92 and Miniblini thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    She needs a can of whoop ass.
    Miniblini thanked this post.


     
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. [INFP] "Stealing" someone else's lover
    By ficsci in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 12-31-2015, 09:19 AM
  2. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-17-2015, 07:29 AM
  3. Replies: 54
    Last Post: 03-26-2015, 02:22 AM
  4. [ISTJ] Telling or giving the hint to people to "go away"
    By nightowl in forum ISTJ Forum - The Duty Fulfillers
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 08-25-2011, 04:15 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:06 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe
 

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0