[INFP] Understanding why you hide when you are hurt - Page 3

Understanding why you hide when you are hurt

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This is a discussion on Understanding why you hide when you are hurt within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion: INFP ...

  1. #21
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

    INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

    So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

    Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
    It has a tendency to be a mixed bag for me. If I feel that they are inflicting harm on me purposefully then I get rather indignant and try to muster a frown or disapproving word. If it is particularly stinging, then I hide mostly to not leave myself vulnerable to further harm and to not appear to be too sensitive. The feelings of the person causing the problem don't concern me all that much unless they have a change of heart and try to apologize.

    The bold section applies to me though when the situation is with someone I respect or love.
    JenovaProject thanked this post.

  2. #22
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Do you lose respect when someone apologizes, or gain? Does it depend on what the relationship to you was before the incident, and how they apologize?

  3. #23
    INFP - The Idealists

    Do you lose respect when someone apologizes, or gain?
    Oh, it most certainly endears them to me. I understand that somethings said are in haste or thoughtlessly, so a quick, sincere apology makes points with me! The only situation I can think of where it wouldn't is if this person was cruel very often ( to anyone).

    Does it depend on what the relationship to you was before the incident, and how they apologize?
    Not really, I *try* to give lots of chances to all folks ( but the people I love get a few more, i think) .

  4. #24
    Unknown Personality

    I actually think this stems across all types. It's not an uncommon human reaction to hide from negative feelings. I think it's just particular for infps to feel guilty about it wheras other types might act out more in anger.

  5. #25
    INFP - The Idealists

    When I'm down, people get mad at me when I express anything else than something positive. But generally the world seems to be like a reverse prison; it won't let me in. I hide when I'm hurt, because the things and people I'm hiding from are the ones that hurt me. That includes friends and family..
    OpRise, chasingdreams, Dustdevil and 2 others thanked this post.

  6. #26
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    Do you lose respect when someone apologizes, or gain? Does it depend on what the relationship to you was before the incident, and how they apologize?
    I gain respect for people when they apologize. It's a strong value of mine to admit when I'm wrong, and apologize when I feel bad about something I've done to someone. ('the sad thing is the how often this happens, unfortunately). There are times I think it may be best to just let little things go, but generally I prefer "clearing the air" if I've got something bothering me in the back of my mind.
    chasingdreams and Belovodia thanked this post.

  7. #27
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    I don't think it's pathetic at all. Why is it your fault that all you INFP feel more deeply than anyone else? If anything INFP have to be the strongest of all the types, with primary Fe, and I have alot of respect for you.
    That is so very nice of you to say! It may not be our fault that we feel deeply, but we can choose to act on it better.... ;)
    I wish more people would respect each others weaknesses and talents. I thank your for your choice to respect our deep feelings, it takes a vary rare person to do that. :D
    chasingdreams thanked this post.

  8. #28
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

    INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

    So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

    Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
    It hadn't occurred to me that being needed would hurt someone. It doesn't make sense. I assumed that most people who withdrew instead of seeking out others when hurt tended to do it because someone had, at some point, abused them with invalidation for seeking comfort from their painful feelings, in some kind of horrible victim-blaming scenario that made them afraid of ever being emotionally open again. People with anti-sensitive parents seem to have the most trouble expressing their feelings to others when they are hurt, and seem to be the ones who isolate themselves instead of reaching out.

    I suppose some people withdraw because they are empaths who worry about others, but I would think that when one is suffering, getting help is generally more urgent than the possibility that the helper might feel a little bit of the pain that is overwhelming the person. It only makes sense that one would want to seek relief from the burden if one hasn't become cynical about other people, and if one is in a non-hostile environment that is emotionally nurturing.




  9. #29
    Unknown Personality


    Quote Originally Posted by JenovaProject View Post
    If I hide those feelings, I would hide them from myself as well, the best I could. I dont want to be seen as weak, and I dont want to acknowledge my weakness. Also, I view showing those sort of feelings to another like this...a bullet for your gun, for every tear you see me cry.

    This is soooo true. Could not have said it better myself.
    chasingdreams and JenovaProject thanked this post.

  10. #30
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I hide from everyone when I need to figure out my feelings. When I'm around many people I can't sort out my emotions, and I don't know how to solve the problem I'm in. Also, I hurt when someone else is hurting so I flee. So that I can relax, and think straight in order to solve their problem(s) in a more calm and practical way. My emotions always seem to get in my way, and I need some time alone to figure things out.
    OpRise and JenovaProject thanked this post.


     
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