[INFP] Understanding why you hide when you are hurt - Page 6

Understanding why you hide when you are hurt

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This is a discussion on Understanding why you hide when you are hurt within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I don't know. I can only speculate. Maybe we are that adverse to conflict that if we can handle it ...

  1. #51

    I don't know. I can only speculate. Maybe we are that adverse to conflict that if we can handle it ourselves and not violating our core values then we will bottle things up and run away

    But if there's no place i can run away to or if i am being accused of something very serious then i blow up

    I remember when my cousin's wallet was lost and she accused me of stealing it from her dresser i really blew uo and became violent. So unlike me. I tore her blouse apart jn my anger. My mom was shocked. It was the firdt time i got that angry and the first time my mom saw me angry. In fact no one knew i can be that angry. They always thought i can put up with anything. I didnt talk to my cousin. We live together that time with my mom and i didn't even want to see her. Well she apologized after a few weeks when she found her wallet deeply burried in her closet. I accepted the apology.
    Last edited by Kenkao; 12-27-2016 at 06:51 AM.

  2. #52

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

    INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

    So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

    Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
    I've had to witness this act with a male INTP. So from what all I've read, observed and experienced,

    Is this the case? That they hide to avoid the ricochet of feelings, fear that they might hurt others, and that might lead to more hurt?

    I thought it was this:

    He felt very uneasy to admit that he was sensitive and that my playful remarks hurt him (at that time, I didn't know he was an INFP). The society's opinions of how a man should be didn't exactly tally with his sensitive ways and he didn't want that to come in the way and destroy the relationship.

    Right from the initial phase, every time I posted anything sarcastic or negative on social media, he'd wonder if it was he that I was targeting.

    Ricochet of negativity, yes, but in the case of a male INTP, where does this stem from?

    From fear of hurting the ones they love/the ones they have to deal with everyday?

    Or from the fear of being mocked at for being not like the stereotyped male?

    If I could understand this better, in future, I'll filter out words that can possibly hurt him.

    INFP males - could you please be honest and help me out?

  3. #53

    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLeo View Post
    I've had to witness this act with a male INTP. So from what all I've read, observed and experienced,

    Is this the case? That they hide to avoid the ricochet of feelings, fear that they might hurt others, and that might lead to more hurt?

    I thought it was this:

    He felt very uneasy to admit that he was sensitive and that my playful remarks hurt him (at that time, I didn't know he was an INFP). The society's opinions of how a man should be didn't exactly tally with his sensitive ways and he didn't want that to come in the way and destroy the relationship.

    Right from the initial phase, every time I posted anything sarcastic or negative on social media, he'd wonder if it was he that I was targeting.

    Ricochet of negativity, yes, but in the case of a male INTP, where does this stem from?

    From fear of hurting the ones they love/the ones they have to deal with everyday?

    Or from the fear of being mocked at for being not like the stereotyped male?

    If I could understand this better, in future, I'll filter out words that can possibly hurt him.

    INFP males - could you please be honest and help me out?
    When I have to hide it's like a circuit breaker that was set off. I don't trust my reactions, what I might say, what I might interpret from others. So I hide. I try not to look at social media/news when I'm feeling sensitive.

    With an ex I did have a reaction to a facebook post that seemed passive-aggressively pointed at me. I did ask her about it and when she wasn't clear about it I unfriended her. It was a weird situation anyways. We just broke up (and I was really hurt) but she wanted to be friends immediately.

    With my wife, if we have an issue where I get my feelings hurt/some kind of general misunderstanding, I hide (or take a walk). The situation becomes more clear if I remove myself from the situation.

    I wonder if this is a Fi thing, or Introvert thing, or just humans in general.

    edit: I do think it's important to distinguish this hiding (which I think is productive) and passive-aggressive shunning. Hiding in order to recover and think on things when ready is good. Shunning doesn't help anything, and only amplifies the anger from both parties.

    edit#2: on the male stereotyping aspect of things, I wouldn't date somebody who wanted a "manly man" stereotype :).
    LadyLeo thanked this post.

  4. #54

    Mine has to do with past experience. Either I need to hide because I'm scared or I need to hide so I can wallow in my pain.
    LadyLeo thanked this post.

  5. #55
    INFJ

    I hide my hurt because I am ashamed because it makes me feel weak.

    On the flip side, I desperately want someone to see my when I'm upset and try to console me.

    Maybe I'm just crazy? lol
    LadyLeo thanked this post.

  6. #56

    I understand what you guys mean. Thanks for the responses. :)

  7. #57

    I just did it today, again!! Went to that favorite room of mine and Withdrew myself there for a while.

    Why oh why im affected by little things? Grrrr

  8. #58

    Oh, spot on!
    I hide when I hurt because I don't want to face conflict at any cost. I don't want make new problem for one. I don't like people see me that I am hurt. I need to be alone to digest this feeling. I believe in this way, I won't make new conflict.
    L P thanked this post.

  9. #59

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    What if the person was someone that you idealized, how would that change your response? Would it immediately dispel the idealization, even if it didn't violate a moral? Or would it be perceived as violating a moral - respect?
    I wud get more hurted when ''my people'' criticize me rather than outsiders.

  10. #60
    ENTJ - The Executives

    It is only natural for people to hide hurts imo, INFP or not. Most animals do, and homo sapiens is an animal too. If that is disappearing down a hole where you can sob or lick your wounds in peace, or if that is responding with intimidation and aggression to back people off, either way, you're hiding it.

    An obviously injured animal tends to draw opportunistic attack from predators far more than a healthy one does. So, why would you broadcast that you're not operating at 100% right now, to what is probably the most vicious, opportunistic, and predatory species on the planet?


     
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