[INFP] Understanding why you hide when you are hurt

Understanding why you hide when you are hurt

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This is a discussion on Understanding why you hide when you are hurt within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion: INFP hide an instance when they ...

  1. #1
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Understanding why you hide when you are hurt

    So after being in my lair for a while, I've come to this conclusion:

    INFP hide an instance when they are hurt. INFP do this because if they show they are hurt, then others will potentially be hurt by that display. INFP fear this sort of response, because they are so empathic, and if an INFP causes someone else to hurt, the INFP feels even more hurt than the other feels hurt.

    So it's like a ricochet process. Early in life, an INFP learns how this process occurs through conditioning, and as such avoids all conflict and all displays of negative feelings if possible.

    Would any of you say this is a logical way of viewing the tendency?
    NeonBomb, white-knuckle, Hinastarr and 24 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists

    INFPs also get judged for being "too sensitive."

  3. #3
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by ProtectorOfKittens View Post
    INFPs also get judged for being "too sensitive."
    Yes, and that would have the same effect - a ricochet of feelings right back, and even more negativity!
    ladyspiggott and motherofdragonslover thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    If I hide those feelings, I would hide them from myself as well, the best I could. I dont want to be seen as weak, and I dont want to acknowledge my weakness. Also, I view showing those sort of feelings to another like this...a bullet for your gun, for every tear you see me cry.
    Unnursvana, refugee, Lad and 9 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    I hide when I'm hurt because, I feel to show it is to give the person who hurt me the power of knowing they hurt me. I've met people who relish this power. If it's family or someone I live with I show my feelings very openly because if I didn't I would ruin the relationship with my hidden resentments towards them. I hide it when among people I don't know well unless they hit one of my spots like talking about my kids, then I show my hurt through anger.
    Musician6120, Lad, wisdomdreams and 8 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    What if the person was someone that you idealized, how would that change your response? Would it immediately dispel the idealization, even if it didn't violate a moral? Or would it be perceived as violating a moral - respect?

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Perfect world:
    If I hide when I'm hurt, it's because I believe it's my responsibility how I react to what other people say and do, since I can control no one but myself. Most often, people don't know how what they said affected me, so no, I wouldn't want to call them out on something that's probably my issue that I need to reflect on later - why did it hurt me? Are my expectations unreasonable? etc. I might be able to have a conversation with someone about it later, if it's worth it, discussing it rationally, but in the moment I can't talk about it without my anger or hurt showing and I haven't had time to think about it, so I may hide.

    If someone is intentionally trying to hurt me, and I "react", I'm giving them power. With people I care about and feel safe with, I don't mind this as much as if it's someone I don't know too well. That's because I don't generally bottle my emotions with a select few, but I do "out in the world".

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenetic Tranquility View Post
    What if the person was someone that you idealized, how would that change your response? Would it immediately dispel the idealization, even if it didn't violate a moral? Or would it be perceived as violating a moral - respect?
    I can only believe that hurting someone is disrespectful if it is intentional. For me, it would completely depend on the cause of the pain.
    I guess I assumed at first that we were talking intentional OR excruciating pain.

  9. #9
    INFJ

    Nothing applies to everything -- yes, an oxymoron.

    On average, I'd wager most INFPs are more-so concerned about opening themselves up & not being understood for our feelings (or having them belittled) oppose to concern over hurting someone. The truth is, most of us fear criticism as we already leave ourselves in a weakened state with how we critique ourselves.
    Hinastarr, refugee, Musician6120 and 21 others thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Ah, that is interesting... I always believed I hid myself from others when hurt because I don't want to risk losing my pride/appearing weak, haaa.

    Actually that probably is the reason, LOL.
    wisdomdreams and Eolande thanked this post.


     
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