Hello everyone here.
I came on here mainly because I'd very much like to try and find out just where things went rather spectacularly wrong, right from the start, between me and a friend/contact/pseudoacquaintance, who, after much fussing and doubting, seems to have identified as an INFP.
- For one thing I have no idea if her habits and mannerisms even match this type, for various reasons (such as incredibly pervasive black-and-white thinking).
- And then on the other hand, I'd like to ask if perhaps I could use this place to bounce a few ideas in and get some feedback on why in the world we get along like oil and water.
I'm not going to explain things in detail just yet, because it'll be hard to not sound like I'm completely hating on her. I do not mean her any harm, never have, but many times she's brought out the absolute worst in me, and every now and then I have been disgusted by her more than by anyone I've ever dealt with, short from that one teacher in elementary school who was out to prove to me children have no business being critical.
I know I am biased against her, I can't see things straight anymore, and while I try to ask my own peers if I'm that out of line with my reactions to her, most seem to agree I could be 'nicer' but I'm hardly being unreasonable.
This is where the T-F comes in, that I have never experienced to be this fascinatingly POLAR OPPOSITES ever before. |: And it's not fun in any way.
We'd known each other for little over a year, during which she's spent 60% of the time crying over things I said (apparently). It's come from arguments to blocking to more arguing to attempts to fix things, to agreeing to call time-outs more often and just leave each other be when pointless disagreements arise etc.
That last one worked out for a bit, right until she started using me as an emotional-issues dump for the umptenth time, and after warning her I'd start meddling with the situation because I didn't agree for a shred with the way she was handling it, I did. I meddled.
The situation we eventually broke under:
An older fellow was interested in her and was regularly flirting with her, asking her out, she felt awkward about that and noticed she had no feelings back.
I tell her that by all means, if she liked this fella she could go ahead and talk to him about this, you know, ASK him just how serious this was for him, work it out, but now, she felt that'd be out of line, ill-mannered, rude, no, she'd rather give him vague cold-shoulder hints for as long as it took for him to notice. Because she was afraid to break his heart incase he was really head over heels for her.
Now, I personally find you just do not treat people who are trying to get to know you in a friendly manner that way. She hides her true face from everyone because she's convinced people will hate her if they find out 'what she is really like' and I've been telling her over and over that this is completely unwarranted, and that if on top of that she complains and despairs over never ever finding 'true love', she should look at what she's doing and perhaps notice that playing the façade-game without ever yielding and being honest IS a surefire way to only attract people who are into the pretending, unless someone comes along who'll magically read her mind.
Either way, past is past, my advice was to just talk it out. I warned her that I was getting fed up with her simpering and that, just to satisfy my own curiosity and make sure she wasn't indeed treating a serious situation like an ice queen, I'd ask this fella on facebook just what was going on.
So I did. I PM'd him in a manner of 'Feel free to ignore this, I know she wouldn't like me to, but between you and me I'd like to ask just how serious this is for you because from her I hear you've been playing rather close to her skin and all and my impression is this, you may know her well enough by now' blah blah blah.
His response was a pretty sensible 'Oh, np, I have noticed I seem to have been making her uncomfortable but when I asked she wouldn't answer.'
Feeling I couldn't just pretend I had never had contact with him (maybe this'd all be so much better if I wasn't an INTP who can't hold secrets, instead hold my trap shut and play pretend), I told her of this exchange, and directly showed her what I'd posted to him, and what his reply was.
SHE BLEW UP IN MY FACE claiming I totally exaggerated (she couldn't point out what exactly, save for 'Everything!') and I was putting words in her mouth (I only stated what *I* thought) and I'd ruined everything and now she could never ever talk to this guy normally again (EXCUSE ME?!)
This rant went on for an hour or so with me trying to give her my stance on this, namely that what I did was perhaps not entirely considerate, but
- not a sin worthy of being condemened to the inner circles of hell, not even by normal social conventions, only perhaps by HER standards
- not aimed to only do her harm (who the hell does she even think she is, or who I am)
- backed up by several of my mostly neutral friends who don't know her telling me it was meddling but not too out of line
Her response was basically 'you're a horrible horrible person I hate you, and everyone who ever agrees with your take on things are at the very least sociopathic sadists who'd [sic] smear shit in random strangers' faces for no reason at all.'
That last type of argument had me give up on her entirely and I removed her from all my lists, unfriended her. That she routinedly calls me a complete asshole whose only joy in life is to cause her anguish I can live with. But you do NOT. diss my friends like that.
For someone so intent on blaming me for every move I make, she sure is good at not making any sense and pretty much condemning people she doesn't even know just because they're my friends.
Somewhere in the back of my head my small bit of F wants her to just go on and be an unhappy person forever, I don't care anymore.