Are we ( the idealists ) hard to understand ?

Are we ( the idealists ) hard to understand ?

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This is a discussion on Are we ( the idealists ) hard to understand ? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; this question was haunting my mind for a long while, so I wanted to know your opinions about it, because ...

  1. #1
    INFP - The Idealists

    Are we ( the idealists ) hard to understand ?

    this question was haunting my mind for a long while, so I wanted to know your opinions about it, because simply I found difficulties to express myself sometimes, I seem to be a quite calm ,even-tempered and reasonable person, I only talk when the topic seems interesting to me, I'm frank and I say what I think with a total honesty, I loathe fake masks and attitudes, therefore many people around me think that they can undrestand me, however, in fact none of them can, I think a lot , I talk a lot to myself because I can't find someone who can undrestand my ideas and my thoughts, there are many topics that I wish if I can talk about it with someone else but my ideas, my interests and point of views seem to be unacceptable to others or rather " unsual " and " strange " so I keep those questions and thoughts to myself , I have never met someone who can really undrestand me, actually I have never met an INFP in my whole lifetime, no one shares the same interests , no one think the same way, no one have the same opinions, it's really frustrating sometimes .
    Sometimes I feel weird, I start to doubt myself, I begin to wonder if I'm the reason of the whole problem not them or maybe they're just so narrow minded to accept me ? Everytime I promise myself that I will stop thinking about it, I start thinking about it all over again, and again and again till I feel like my mind is going to explode.
    Therefore, I tend to bury myself in my own world, I'm not an antisocial still I don't like being in crowded places or with talkative people because they get on my nervers and I feel uncomfortable around them,
    I wish if I can meet an INFP , so maybe we can understand each other better, would it really be helpful if I meet people who have the same personality type ? because it's really hard to find INFPs around, I can see that because I'm an INFP too so I spend my whole day, listening to Music, reading books, writing and watching Movies.. it will be very hard to meet one...
    Spooky, Irisheyes, Blue Butterfly and 4 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Well... we certainly give off mixed signals, and I think that that's our biggest problem. We have a constant internal struggle between how we feel, and how much we want other people to know about it. One the one had, we care about so many things and would love to talk with people we know, but on the other, most of the time people don't understand us and just make us angry or sad. We want to protect ourselves from those who don't understand us, so we just don't give anything away at all.

    Similarly, because we don't seem to be interested in having acquaintances (We only want close relationships), getting close to people is damned near impossible. We give of one impression to people who don't know us well, and a completely different person comes out when we're with people who we're close to. So potential close friends get scared off by our somewhat aloof exterior.

    We sabotage ourselves, in so many ways.

    Once I was talking to my mum about how I feel about something, and she said "But you hate people". I got very angry at her because that's so untrue. I used to think that I hated people, but then I realised that I loved them all and was just disappointed that we all waste our lives.

    What I now realise is that if it took me my whole life up until now to realise that, then other people have no hope! Somehow, we give the impression that we are unfeeling, unsympathetic, unloving, disinterested hermits when the truth is the exact opposite.


    I just thought of another example....

    I don't wish people happy birthday, or merry christmas because I think people should celebrate their achievements and such, not just silly dates that they're told are meaningful. I hate how people's actual achievements go unnoticed, yet getting to a certain age is something to congratulate them for. The only thing to celebrate on someone's birthday is that they're not dead, although some people may as well be *ahem* bitterness creeping in....

    I don't like people acknowledging my birthday for the same reason. I especially hate it how facebook reminds you of when your friends birthdays are. It means you don't have to think of them, you just send them a stupid sentence. No effort or caring involved. Grrr!

    Ok that was off topic. But it does illustrate the point that we seem to be completely alien to most people, with our weird ways and beliefs.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    You guys summed up all that I feel too. I want that all powerful close relationship with people. But there are few to any INFP's in real life that I can relate to. And I hate so very much being alone in this world. but is there to associate with in real life? I wish there was a way that INFP's could have a whole country just to ourselves so we could just live in peace. then we could love each other the way we were created to love, naturally and openly and deeply. that is all I want is deep and unconditional love and I can't find that anywhere because people do not see the very things you mentioned above. I get so angry sometimes just because I want that love and this world will not allow me to be the person I want to be.
    SLeigh and Eclipsed thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists


    I don't think any of my acquaintances/friends that I hang out with really understand me. Partly because of the mask I have to wear around them so things don't get awkward. I love conversations that are interesting to me, but nobody ever wants to talk about them. Sometimes, the mask comes off and I think they don't know how to perceive me. I just need more friends who are likeminded, but it's hard to find them IRL.
    Blue Butterfly, Eowyn and Eclipsed thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    If people don't understand me then I limit my association with them. I don't mess with them. I have limited alone time and refuse to waste me time on those kind of people.

  6. #6

    Another part of the sabotage - The trust issues. Sure, we want someone to open up to, who may understand... there may be someone right there. But. Do you trust them? Do you trust to let them see into your real thoughts? And, what if they end up not understanding? Oh, with such knowledge they gain of you if you open up, they could destroy you, surely, or manipulate, if they're a bad person... But that is always the risk of opening up. There's only about two people I can open up to, and even then, there's still a distance, and when other people try to get close they get pushed away pretty much. Hm. It truly boggles my mind how some people can be so open and trusting of others.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality


    I whole heartedly agree with the points already raised, particularly DanseMacabre

    I keep bringing this quote up, but it is so poignent;

    One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever come to sit by it. Passersby see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on the way"

    I can live without understanding, empathy, kindness... but the notion of walking this whole highway on my own is my greatest sadness. That I will never show anybody who I truly am. That they will even believe there could be more under the surface- that they actually want to know who I truly am.
    I think I have found close to that on personality cafe, but I need these people here, in my real life.

    I'm not so scared of never finding that as I used to be. If that's how it has to be, then that's ok.
    Psilo, Danse Macabre and SLeigh thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by Hurting View Post
    You guys summed up all that I feel too. I want that all powerful close relationship with people. But there are few to any INFP's in real life that I can relate to. And I hate so very much being alone in this world. but is there to associate with in real life? I wish there was a way that INFP's could have a whole country just to ourselves so we could just live in peace. then we could love each other the way we were created to love, naturally and openly and deeply. that is all I want is deep and unconditional love and I can't find that anywhere because people do not see the very things you mentioned above. I get so angry sometimes just because I want that love and this world will not allow me to be the person I want to be.
    I think a lot of us wish that, but it's taboo to talk about it, even here. I was the first one here to make a thread about wishing there were an island where the HSPs could get away from the toxic environment that was causing me to feel overwhelmed at the time. Immediately, I was criticized harshly for the idea, labeled an elitist, accused of type-ism, and told all of the reasons it would be impossible even if it weren't evil to want it. This, of course, only caused me to feel more overwhelmed. It was the exact opposite of what I needed, as though I had asked for a glass of cold water while dying of thirst and had been given a cup of salt instead. It isn't really about type. I just want to live somewhere where people care about each other, where it isn't so painful to be sensitive. It would be a blessing under the proper conditions.
    Posted via Mobile Device



    Psilo, Blue Butterfly, SLeigh and 1 others thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFP - The Idealists

    We're a contradictory bunch

    Well, I am anyway. Inconsistency is the only consistent thing about me.
    songofcalamity and matilda thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFP - The Idealists

    Hmm, I try to avoid 'woe is me, I'm misunderstood' lines of thinking. But, fuck it... I agree something hardcore with this topic.

    I guess I do it to myself. I try so hard to maintain autonomy by maintaining privacy, that my life becomes compartmentalized. I don't want to share myself to barely anyone, so people only get the slightest views from their interaction with me, be it work life, family life, friend life etc. Even that doesn't bother me too much. It's when I do reach out for help, for connection, for what have you, and I can't find what I'm looking for, which I'm not sure what it is.

    I can feel very stuck in my own head at times. If I'm given the chance to speak, words fail me, if they come at all they just fall flat. Writing helps, but it takes an active listener to hear what I'm trying to say, and they are so hard to find. Then to find one who cares enough to listen... I know I can use dramatic language sometimes, but it's just my attempt at being very clear on not only what I think, but how strongly I feel about it. I think there's quite a bit, if not most, of what I say being lost in translation. It's not like one or two people who miss the point, it's really more people than not who just don't get what I try to tell them. At least, they act like it. I think, thanks to preconceptions that I can't say I don't fall in to nor are they unwarranted, that my sincerity comes out very false sounding. I will never apologize when I don't mean it, but the number of times I do and the reasons I do I'm sure make it sound fake. The same with thank you. My gratitude can be paralyzing, and a thanks just sounds empty. I don't do insincerity, though.

    I just want to know if this is a problem many people find themselves in. I know I'm in it almost constantly.

    Even just superficially, I'm misunderstood quite a bit. I don't watch much TV, I don't listen to the radio, I'm very out of touch with a great deal of the mainstream life. I don't talk about things people have opinions on, so I get left out quite a bit. I'm sure it's annoying for the other side too, who tend to think I over blow things. They're probably right. He just said school is stressing him out, did I really need to go into a full blown rant of every flaw I see with the education system? No. I could have just said "That sucks."

    I know this is just another example of me setting out traps and stepping in them myself. I build walls and then cry of loneliness.

    Oh well. All is good, and I suppose that it makes those that do understand, or try very hard to, all the more special.
    Well... we certainly give off mixed signals, and I think that that's our biggest problem. We have a constant internal struggle between how we feel, and how much we want other people to know about it. One the one had, we care about so many things and would love to talk with people we know, but on the other, most of the time people don't understand us and just make us angry or sad. We want to protect ourselves from those who don't understand us, so we just don't give anything away at all.

    Similarly, because we don't seem to be interested in having acquaintances (We only want close relationships), getting close to people is damned near impossible. We give of one impression to people who don't know us well, and a completely different person comes out when we're with people who we're close to. So potential close friends get scared off by our somewhat aloof exterior.

    We sabotage ourselves, in so many ways.
    This
    susurration and Mandarin thanked this post.


     
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