[INFP] What does it mean to "love yourself"?

What does it mean to "love yourself"?

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This is a discussion on What does it mean to "love yourself"? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; A lot of self-help out there identifies a lack of real self-love as a core problem for relationship issues and ...

  1. #1

    What does it mean to "love yourself"?

    A lot of self-help out there identifies a lack of real self-love as a core problem for relationship issues and general unhappiness in life.

    This is not to be confused with narcissism or other appearances of "confidence" that may actually be masking a damaged core.

    What do you think "loving yourself" actually means, looks like, and feels like in practice?

    Self-talk may be one thing - how we speak to ourselves, the inner voice. But what else?

    I hear more about what indicates lack of self-love and what it feels like, what someone looks like in general when they do feel it (ie more magnetic, compassionate, confident, etc), but not much about what is actually going on internally for them or how they cultivate it.

    What are your thoughts?
    cardinalfire, refugee, Zeta Neprok and 9 others thanked this post.

  2. #2

    You should only accept yourself and realize that you are merely a human. This self-esteem and love is just jumping two steps away from reality. You are a human no matter what anyone's opinion is and you therefore have flaws like anyone else. The rating system, the value, it doesn't belong there.

  3. #3

    I am inclined to agree with @Grandmaster Yoda

    Self-acceptance is the key to self-love, specifically the acceptance of your flaws. When you love yourself, you realize that you are of worth because of your abilities and in spite of your downfalls.

    Furthermore, it is not until you love yourself that you are able to accept and appreciate love from others. When you accept both the positive and negative aspects of your being, you are then able to properly understand how others can accept your entire self.
    OrangeAppled, cardinalfire, Aelthwyn and 5 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    I really don't mind too much about self-help books, but as a "love yourself" person myself, it just means unconditional self-appreciation, not yielding your persona for the sakes of society, a group, or even an individual, and standing up for your great beauty as a human being (you may not be "perfect"-especially for our usually unattainable standards-but are most certainly beautiful and worthy). That you are not going to let others use or abuse you for being "you", and that you are going to treat yourself with the utmost respect and utter, loving care (health, looks that satisfy you and make you feel good, pursuing and having things that make you happy and improve your quality of life, etc.)

    For me, it's more about loving yourSELF-giving your person the best self-treatment possible, and having the freedom to express said self, rather than just a "feelgood" statement. Indeed, since 2008 I made it a point of no return life statement that I was going to love my precious self, regardless what others thought.

    It brought about weight loss, more confidence (though I am not that confident-or trusting-about others, sadly), a developing, healthy self-image ("artistically" re-constructing myself "from the ashes", so to speak) and many of my strongest "life tennets", which I still hold to this day.

    "Be who you are, not who you are supposed to be" is a strong expression of self-love, in my strong opinion. Since I suffered a lot in my younger years for being all-too-loving towards others and always putting myself and my needs down for the sakes of an ill-perceived sense of "loving self-sacrifice" (either for causes or individuals), for me "love yourself" holds more power than a mere marketing phrase-it's a way of life.

    Note that, however (and this is why many individuals often have qualms about loving themselves), I don't relate this self-love to extreme vanity (healthy is good), selfishness, being utterly uncaring towards others, etc. For me, loving myself teaches me better how to also appreciate others. Self-sacrifice can be good, but often sacrificing ourselves isn't worth it. Frankly, in the case of some INFPs that fear appearing vain, selfish, or arrogant by deigning to love themselves, I highly doubt tńchoosing that path will make them become self-absorbed jerks, and that on the contrary, it will improve their lives a big deal.

    (Many words, didn't say much, but at least I hope a little of it came through somewhat.)

  5. #5

    I think it's more to do with accepting yourself and all your flaws. It's terribly hard to "self-love" when you're a perfectionist and you're expected to be "perfect" too.

    I honestly find 'self help' books pointless and depressing. It's too cheesy or maybe I'm just too jaded now? Anyways, I think accepting the idea that you can't "self-love" is also one way to love yourself. Tome, it's realistic and more healthy than trying to attain rainbows and sunshine when being someone you're not is literally bogging you down (in order to try and find some way of "self-love" nirvana).

    I think the best thing is to be content. Whether you're content being depressed or content with loving yourself, etc.
    OrangeAppled and refugee thanked this post.

  6. #6
    Unknown Personality

    To be honest, the concept of self-love never made much sense to me, mainly because I think that love implies a choice and you don’t get to choose yourself, you’re stuck with it and can’t even walk away when you’re tired.
    I owe myself the same respect and acceptance I reserve to other people, but aside from that I don’t really like myself or feel like I should for the sake of my own wellbeing, since after all it’s the dissatisfaction with my current self that drives me to move forward.

    Allowing yourself to accept love from others is a whole different matter, though; an healthy person should at least feel worthy of love.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    I look at it in a very practical way, like do you need some sleep and a wash? then do it, don't miss out on getting things done for yourself because a friend wants you to look after their cat. Tell them no and put yourself first. That's loving yourself, taking care of yourself, doing what you need to do for you.
    OrangeAppled, Aelthwyn, IcarusDreams and 2 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    I agree with all of them. Basically, I can tell that you love yourself when you are as capable of looking after others as much as you are towards yourself. And don't berate yourself too often for things that you have no control of. As simple as that.
    OrangeAppled, Aelthwyn and IcarusDreams thanked this post.

  9. #9

    I think it's more about general self-care and tranquility. People who hate themselves can easily focus excessively on their personal problems and compensating for them, and in turn damage relationships.
    OrangeAppled, Aelthwyn and IcarusDreams thanked this post.

  10. #10

    To me, it's about confronting your flaws, your ego, your darkness, your pain, and being okay with it. It's not so much about accepting it, as accepting the fact that everyone has issues that are going on internally. Not beating yourself up when you get angry over nothing, or feel vulnerable, or ugly, or shameful, or sad. That's the internal stuff about being okay with yourself with.

    On an external level, it's more about being okay with your appearance. Everyone's got something they're a little self conscious over, but it's more about being alright with it. Probably gives you character, whatever it is.

    Now, those two things combined will translate into someone who appears confident, magnetic, compassionate ect. whether or not they are.

    You bring up an interesting point about compassion though. I think being able to recognize the flaws and dark parts of yourself allows you to empathize with others' own flawed selves.
    OrangeAppled, Aelthwyn, IcarusDreams and 3 others thanked this post.

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