This is a discussion on Are INFP guys the typical "Nice Guys"? within the INFP Forum - The Idealists forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; One more thing I'd like to add: I don't view INFP's as "nice" per say. At least not nicer than ...
One more thing I'd like to add: I don't view INFP's as "nice" per say. At least not nicer than other types. I don't think they're mean either. People think they're nice because they're usually shy and quiet, but this is a misconception. Go against an INFP's moral code and you'll see their wrath and judgement.
Originally Posted by LuneLibre
"Nice Guy" as seen using quotes, has become similar to the term "Social Justice Warrior". A different topic in itself, but it's similar to what I'm trying to get at.
It has basically become a term to mean one who feels entitled after showing basic social niceties or friendliness, and that seems to be the definition we are using in this thread.
Basically, if someone feels the need to exclaim how nice they are, then they probably aren't all that... well, not all that nice.
Yeah, that's what I mean. if the moral code of an INFP is that people have to return his favour, then he can get really ugly. This is when that INFP guy fits the "nice guy", creepy image.
What is finishing last with women?
And I don't think I've ever complained about it, though I have had frustrated thoughts in my head. At the end of the day, as much as society loves to force it's idea that you as a man has to "get girls", the idea is fucking stupid. What? Are women like Pokemon that we're supposed to catch? No. Women are people and not trophies, they are free people like us men. It is not healthy in any way to measure your self worth in accordance to whether you have a girlfriend or have sex with a lot of women or what a woman thinks of you. That is no way to live. You yourself have to define yourself worth. Nobody else's opinion on that matters.
A lot of men who complain about how men have to make the first move or get frustrated over everything are hypocrites. Why conform to what society wants to do as a man and then complain about why men have to do it? Men don't have to do it, but you let society tell you what to do and did it. Make it women's problem instead. This is why most women have men flocking towards them and men having trouble with women. Aggghhhhhh it's all so foolish.
Basically, just don't give a damn about the whole date scene stuff and do your own damn thing.
I think it's impossible to prove such conjectures.
However, as far as your original definition of "nice guy" goes, I actually do agree with the definition of it. I say this because I'm sure some will want to discuss the definitions of these terms as this thread goes on.
It's actually a sport term but then coined to social inapt guys who have difficulties getting a gf or sex.
Double post
We are at first. I'll comment more on this later :).
No, i don't think INFP guys are any more likely than any other type to be the stereotypical 'nice guy'. Although i do think there are a lot of people who think this is true.
I've been infp all my life and i certainly don't finish last but then i don't spend a long time chasing a woman. I just let her know i'm interested if she is too then great but if not i move on. I tend to take rejection harder than most people i know but i do deal with it without turning into a blubbering, whining mess. I also think that i take breakups badly but i deal with it in my own time.
I'm also more selective than most men i know, i don't do one night stands but i have had plenty of chances.
One thing i will admit though is that i have often been mistaken for a stereotypical nice guy. There are more than a few women who have rejected me for that reason but when the get to know me quite often they want a second chance. I don't allow women to dangle me on a string or keep me in reserve as some women are wont to do. I also know two other INFP men who are exactly like me.
I do think that there are certain infp traits that do affect relationships like my need to be alone at times tends to be a huge issue. My romantic nature is also a huge problem because it takes time for this to come to the fore while women tend to expect full on romance from the get go.
If you have problems with women look to yourself and your behavior around women don't blame women or your mbti type or society or whatever. Only you can make the changes necessary. Being infp is a good thing and believe me women really go for it but you have to play it well.
That doesn't sound too nice, does it? Whining and having a motive (expecting something in return) don't look like nice to me.
I'm guessing the nice-guy construct you are describing refers to the after effects of being nice, not the act of being nice in any way. In that sense I feel people cannot really qualify themselves as nice because they try to be nice hoping to gain something, and then curse the world when it all went wrong. I've also seen shy guys - whom I suspect are INFxs - who are genuinely nice but doesn't whine when things don't go their way, although I know they are hurting like hell inside.
The way I see it:
The problem with INFP guys is that our emotional/sensitive side gets in the way of the average girl, who might, say, look to more masculine guys as attractive, rather than us who are considered weaker. Nice, then, is not the same as being emotional. It's just that inherently we are also what people describes as nice, like being willing to go the extra mile and being much more gentlemanly than most. If, and that is a big if, we are nice and at the same time not showing our emotional/sensitive side, we might stand a much better chance than most guys.
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