INTJ Views on ESFJ's

INTJ Views on ESFJ's

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This is a discussion on INTJ Views on ESFJ's within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; What are your views on them? How do you get along with them? I'm just out of a serious relationship ...

  1. #1
    ESTP - The Doers


    INTJ Views on ESFJ's

    What are your views on them? How do you get along with them?

    I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.

    Are other esfjs like this or is she just unhealthy? Do intjs and esfjs usually get along?

    Oh and btw I knew her type because we did the actual one in school with our career counselor. She got esfj, although I though she was an esfp or enfp lol. But just in case, yeah I know what her type is.
    Jack Rabid, Briggs, Grey and 5 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Your previous relationship seems to be an unhealthy one - I wouldn't say even a fair amount of ESFJs are like that. My best friend, and the two best friends I've had before that have all been ESFJs, and although I do appreciate their company, it can be hard getting along with them as an INTJ. They seem to have an off-again, on-again approach to things, coming on strong (such as either being very direct) but then receding almost instantly. It can feel as though you're riding a tide with no control. In fights, this comes out the worst; the ESFJs I've known seem to have a penchant for being both defensive and evasive, while doing sneaky back attacks that leave me distrustful of them for some time.

    On the upside, ESFJs are very caring and very loyal. One of the things I've admired in them is their ability to care for others, especially when I fall flat in that area. They also don't have as much trouble going along with what needs to be done, which I admire again as a solution that I do not get on with. Overall, I do appreciate the ESFJs in my life, but I'm very distrustful of the ESFJs I met anew.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by assbiscuits View Post
    What are your views on them? How do you get along with them?

    I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.

    Are other esfjs like this or is she just unhealthy? Do intjs and esfjs usually get along?

    Oh and btw I knew her type because we did the actual one in school with our career counselor. She got esfj, although I though she was an esfp or enfp lol. But just in case, yeah I know what her type is.
    Boy oh boy, have I been waiting for a thread like this. My ex was an unhealthy ESFJ and I went through HELL, still trying to recover from it. I wish to elaborate more and give you TONS of validation when I have more time. Maybe I'll send you a private message? Perhaps we can figure the world out together. Lol.

    The relationship that I had prior to the relationship with the ESFJ, was with an INTJ (great relationship, WAY less drama- but I blew it). Ironically, I remember thinking that my INTJ ex would have HATED everything about the ESFJ I was dating. So I really think I can help you with some incite. Talk soon.
    Jack Rabid, Briggs, Aßbiscuits and 4 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by assbiscuits View Post
    What are your views on them? How do you get along with them?

    I'm just out of a serious relationship with one. The esfj I was dating was cold, controlling, manipulative, an annoying social butterfly, needed more attention than you're average person, hid all her emotions when it came to serious things but then she'd cry over something stupid and she'd never bloody stop, she was extremely insecure, she acts and dresses and listens to the same music as everyone else, she's irrational, illogical, unfaithful, a coward (broke up over text), had no motivation or dreams, she was so arrogant and self righteous, she couldn't be wrong even if you gave her enough proof and everyone agreed with you (if everyone agreed with what I was saying or whatever the situation was they were still all wrong and just ganging up on her). She just couldn't make or take a proper argument but she'd always win because of her stubbornness, she wouldn't talk about her problems and let me help her with anything, she was so secretive, she relied on me too much. She'd ignore me in front of our friends and treat me like I was nothing, but then when we were alone I was her everything again.

    Are other esfjs like this or is she just unhealthy? Do intjs and esfjs usually get along?

    Oh and btw I knew her type because we did the actual one in school with our career counselor. She got esfj, although I though she was an esfp or enfp lol. But just in case, yeah I know what her type is.
    She sounds extremely unhealthy.. My ex wife was ESFJ.. and although she could be a nag and bit of a martyr.. she was My rock .. and basically saved me from my NF self.. and I have been a bit lost without her..
    Briggs thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    I have a VERY difficult time with ESFJ's myself....
    In small doses they can be wonderful. I have one that I thought was a friend which sees us as so much more....and has pushed it to the point I am ignoring them and email is STILL coming in. The last with photos saying: miss me yet?

    Uh........NO.

    I am sure there are some wonderful ESFJ's out there, but they are NOT for me as their boundaries are WAY over the line.

    I really hope you post your feelings/experiences......I think it would be nice to see/learn from.

    Regards..
    pinkrasputin, Jack Rabid, Aßbiscuits and 3 others thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    My wife is an ESFJ, as is my boss at work, as is a friend who I carpool with daily. Love my wife, best boss I ever had and I wouldn't continue a carpool for 2 years if I didn't enjoy the company.
    InvisibleJim, Briggs and Mendi the ISFJ thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTJ - The Scientists

    i have met more than my share of this type and I find them too gossipy and boastful - they somehow manage to be both loyal and backstabby at the same time, i have not been able to understand this accomplishment. also they breath in a way that irritates me, kind of like bull frogs
    for me back stabbing is a deal breaker. this is not acceptable behavior in a equal respectful relationship but for them it seems part of the deal
    Zero11, curious0610 and Audrey thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by McConnell View Post
    i have met more than my share of this type and I find them too gossipy and boastful - they somehow manage to be both loyal and backstabby at the same time, i have not been able to understand this accomplishment. also they breath in a way that irritates me, kind of like bull frogs
    for me back stabbing is a deal breaker. this is not acceptable behavior in a equal respectful relationship but for them it seems part of the deal

    My mother, an ESFJ, fits this category quite precisely. Once she feels she is right she disregards the extensive logic that counters her arguments, thus we do not get on very well. I have yet to see eye to eye with her on issues because of her subjective approach to decision making and her general biased perspective on the world.
    Audrey thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Visceral hatred.
    SPtheGhost and Praesepe thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Ha ha. I have never seen this thread before. My mother, as well, is an ESFJ, and seriously.... from my standpoint, she's crazy. She is very much a person who puts an extraordinary amount of effort into accomplishing small unimportant things (like looking in every store in town to find an item, and settling in the end for the one she didn't want). She filled the house with trinkets and crap, and it would constantly get broken... then she would glue it back together and put it back on display. Our relationship was one of tug/push all the time. There were all of these undocumented rules that were determined by the gossipy nature of her friends and the neighbours that I was supposed to follow. Even to this day, she tries to get information from me so she can try and brag about me to people. She tried her best to keep things peaceful between us, but then she would switch into the crazy accusations ("I had this dream that you did X, so you are up to something!"), or the need for attention that tended along the lines of smothering the life out of me. The best way I can describe her: histrionic.
    Turututu and the17chou thanked this post.


     
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