[INTJ] INTJ friend is clinically depressed/anxious, how one can support getting healthier?

INTJ friend is clinically depressed/anxious, how one can support getting healthier?

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This is a discussion on INTJ friend is clinically depressed/anxious, how one can support getting healthier? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; My INTJ friend has clinical depression/anxiety ,he is taking Zoloft now and I forgot the second one, it's starts with ...

  1. #1

    INTJ friend is clinically depressed/anxious, how one can support getting healthier?

    My INTJ friend has clinical depression/anxiety ,he is taking Zoloft now and I forgot the second one, it's starts with the letter A...
    This question is mostly for those who have dealt with heavy depression themselves or perhaps knows someone.
    How would you like to be comforted and supported? What have you learned over the years that works for you or someone you know to help ease their depression?


    I have not asked him yet what he wants me to do, he seems so fragile now. He makes jokes about taking Zoloft but I know he's scared. He has not said this outright but anyone can tell as he's starting to talk about opioids and the addictive nature of it, how people die, etc. He told me he hoped he wouldn't be found in an alley somewhere. He's saying that the medication makes him feel nothing, care about nothing but that's better than having anxiety. I wish I could understand but I don't, he's 19 years old I don't think he needs Zoloft. My Aunt is 44 and I saw what it did to her. Obviously I have not voiced this, why elevate his fears and it's not exactly constructive...

    I did tell his mother I feared that he might be getting worse and she told me I was sweet but to trust the doctor. It's been over a month, I realize that still early but they have increased his dosage of Zoloft at least 3x (that he's told me, not sure if he's told me every time).

    I know I'm not meant to hold his hand through life but I am worried, I feel a little bit in over my head as I don't think Zoloft is the best for him. Sometimes he acts like an empty shell and he feels nothing about everything he was so passionate about. His depression seems much worse, he also told me he is deficient in vitamin D which I'm sure doesn't help his depression. I know I'm not a doctor but I know many people on medication and that's not always the best option and this was his first choice.

    *As a side not I do not want to dump him as a friend, I don't abandon friends when they are at their lowest. My mother suggested I cut him loose as I always seems to give too much of myself to a depressed friend. (I've had maybe 5 friends who have been clinically depressed, one was cutting and burning herself for years (ENTJ) without me noticing, I never want to let someone down like that again. I feel like he would just spiral like her without me noticing until late)


    So far I have been acting 'normally' maybe a tad more chipper than usual. Every time he says something negative about the world I spin a positive, the only time I don't say something positive is when it directly relates to him. I want to acknowledge he is feeling sad. I've also been giving him hugs, physical touch can illicit oxytocin and idk if it's wishful thinking but it seems to help because he keeps touching me and letting me hug him, whereas before sometimes he'd be stiff as a board...like ENFP hug...does not compute. Hahaha
    Judson Joist thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTJ


    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    Sometimes he acts like an empty shell and he feels nothing about everything he was so passionate about.
    Well, this sounds normal to me -- he's just figuring it out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    So far I have been acting 'normally' maybe a tad more chipper than usual. Every time he says something negative about the world I spin a positive, the only time I don't say something positive is when it directly relates to him.
    This is the only thing I'd probably want to be at least aware of, if I were you. If I were he, yeah, he knows, he gets how you're behaving "special" to him.

    If I were he, I'd be starting to be more cautious about what I say around you, because I wouldn't want to provoke more abnormal behavior around me.

    Again, I don't know, but that's how I've treated that in the past during a low period in life -- IMHO if you change your behavior around him, he's going to recalculate (i) reasons why and (ii) new model for behavior.

    He might seem fragile, but I think everyone is a little tender after an upset in his or her life. Normal is good, but you can't make normal like push his face into a cookie cutter, he's got to reshape it from the inside out.

    Yeah, that's sound a little hippie-ish, but that's all I know about it.

    It's tiring, especially for someone who just wants to be regular, Joe Lunchpail regular, life as normal. As we all do, I think.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by jtour View Post
    Well, this sounds normal to me -- he's just figuring it out.



    This is the only thing I'd probably want to be at least aware of, if I were you. If I were he, yeah, he knows, he gets how you're behaving "special" to him.

    If I were he, I'd be starting to be more cautious about what I say around you, because I wouldn't want to provoke more abnormal behavior around me.

    Again, I don't know, but that's how I've treated that in the past during a low period in life -- IMHO if you change your behavior around him, he's going to recalculate (i) reasons why and (ii) new model for behavior.

    He might seem fragile, but I think everyone is a little tender after an upset in his or her life. Normal is good, but you can't make normal like push his face into a cookie cutter, he's got to reshape it from the inside out.

    Yeah, that's sound a little hippie-ish, but that's all I know about it.

    It's tiring, especially for someone who just wants to be regular, Joe Lunchpail regular, life as normal. As we all do, I think.
    Thanks, I will strive to be more 'typical' I wasn't trying to rub it in by being more chipper. It's also my own personal problem that I can work on. Though he does remind me fairly often that he's on Zoloft so that's always in the background. I'm not really sure what to say to that. Yes, I know?
    And the reshaping it from the inside does make a lot of sense. I just think that's an impossibility to be normal, if there's some kind of chemical imbalance in his brain. My ENTJ friend has told me she'll never be 'normal' but life can be ok. It just sounds so stifling (or tiring as you said), I'm afraid I'll be very little help when though I've been depressed and I have anxiety it's nowhere near the level of my friend.

    I know he's not looking for me to 'fix' him nor could I, just wondering if being 'normal' is a good enough support for someone whose parents are too preoccupied with their divorce and personal problems. I will try that though, thank you.

  4. #4

    For me, the one thing I wanted most when I was severely depressed was someone to just be like ' Hey, you look like sh*t but I'll be here for you whenever ' and then actually be there.

    Just be honest and kind with him. If he wants to talk, then talk. If he doesn't, maybe suggest an activity that you can do together without talking.

    I think the biggest thing would probably be just knowing that you are going to be by his side no matter how upset or out of control he feels.

    I think of depression as kind of like a swamp. In order to live a 'normal' life, you have to wade through it to the path on the other side, but it's really murky and hard to move. He will get through it, but it may take a while, even years (worst case scenario).

    One note though, being with someone that is depressed can be draining, so make sure you do think of yourself every once in a while and take some time to recharge :)
    0bl1gatory, Short Cake Cake, Liove and 1 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ


    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    Though he does remind me fairly often that he's on Zoloft so that's always in the background. I'm not really sure what to say to that. Yes, I know?
    Heh. Yeah, it seems like ages ago, but I started an SSRI and was on it for a few years; I don't know how much was physical or what, but it was a rough few months for me, just adjusting to it. Libido, some unidentifiable changes to perception, strange dreams.

    I don't know about neurochemistry, I don't even know if I remember orgo chem enough to make sense of the literature, but it's a kind of strange thing, probably, from his

    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    I know he's not looking for me to 'fix' him nor could I, just wondering if being 'normal' is a good enough support for someone whose parents are too preoccupied with their divorce and personal problems. I will try that though, thank you.
    Yeah, I sympathize with you -- I mean, though, really (I'm just wildly guessing), he knows you, he knows how you are, and I'd guess he would appreciate you being who you are.

    I'd be suspicious if people started to change, and look for reasons why, and start to get deeper into my little rut trying to figure that out, in addition to whatever else I want to deal with.

    I mean, you can only be you, and maybe that's the best for both of you, however it has to be for your own well-being as well. I doubt he expects you to be Florence Nightingale, and maybe probably he doesn't want that.

    I would think if you need to ratchet down the frequency of heart-to-heart conversations, that could be OK as well, for both of you. Or, I don't know, go to the movies a few times a month, or whatever you guys like to do.

    Just some random thoughts.
    Short Cake Cake and Glitch_ thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Glitch_ View Post
    For me, the one thing I wanted most when I was severely depressed was someone to just be like ' Hey, you look like sh*t but I'll be here for you whenever ' and then actually be there.

    Just be honest and kind with him. If he wants to talk, then talk. If he doesn't, maybe suggest an activity that you can do together without talking.

    I think the biggest thing would probably be just knowing that you are going to be by his side no matter how upset or out of control he feels.

    I think of depression as kind of like a swamp. In order to live a 'normal' life, you have to wade through it to the path on the other side, but it's really murky and hard to move. He will get through it, but it may take a while, even years (worst case scenario).

    One note though, being with someone that is depressed can be draining, so make sure you do think of yourself every once in a while and take some time to recharge :)
    Thanks Glitch I'll do that, I'm always wanting to help and make things better...probably why I work with kids who have special needs lol. I won't force him to say anything if he doesn't want to talk, I definitely know that puts people off especially INTJs.

    I definitely will take my own time, I think that's what my mom was probably worried about when she told me I should just stop being his friend.
    Glitch_ thanked this post.

  7. #7

    I hope he's taking Zoloft under medical supervision, right?
    It's not addictive or an opioid so I'm not sure why he fears he'll be found in an alley and such. I've taken Zoloft and it helped me incredibly, we had to tweak the dosage with my doc so it wouldn't be so high that it made me numb and it worked wonders like this.

    Just be there for him and try to make him safe to be emotional.
    EyesOpen, Short Cake Cake and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by jtour View Post
    Heh. Yeah, it seems like ages ago, but I started an SSRI and was on it for a few years; I don't know how much was physical or what, but it was a rough few months for me, just adjusting to it. Libido, some unidentifiable changes to perception, strange dreams.

    I don't know about neurochemistry, I don't even know if I remember orgo chem enough to make sense of the literature, but it's a kind of strange thing, probably, from his



    Yeah, I sympathize with you -- I mean, though, really (I'm just wildly guessing), he knows you, he knows how you are, and I'd guess he would appreciate you being who you are.

    I'd be suspicious if people started to change, and look for reasons why, and start to get deeper into my little rut trying to figure that out, in addition to whatever else I want to deal with.

    I mean, you can only be you, and maybe that's the best for both of you, however it has to be for your own well-being as well. I doubt he expects you to be Florence Nightingale, and maybe probably he doesn't want that.

    I would think if you need to ratchet down the frequency of heart-to-heart conversations, that could be OK as well, for both of you. Or, I don't know, go to the movies a few times a month, or whatever you guys like to do.

    Just some random thoughts.
    Yea, exactly. My aunt had some weird side effects and I'm afraid he's going to have them too. Haha same, well I never even took organic chemistry, I'm more of a psychology/sociology girl. But I did take a neuropsyc class and a drug class and it doesn't help lessen my anxiety about opioids but apparently 11 year olds take Zoloft so maybe it'll be ok.

    Oh, I see. I think I'd do that too and I know he does that to strangers/peers (overthink). He has social anxiety but I think he'd just ask me outright if he thought I was being odd but better safe than sorry. And I also think I should mention I was being me just a bit more chipper(like me but on sugar), I was just thinking it might be overkill since I'm already pretty chipper haha.

    I guess I just want to give him as much support as possible since he starts university at the end of this month, it's only an hour away from mine but we used to be 20 minutes away from each other walking and I'm afraid if he doesn't make decent friends he's definitely going to get worse. His other best friend moved to another state so I feel like it's such a bad idea to move to an area where you know no one.

    Also thanks, I see your posts a lot and I always feel like they are so kind and helpful.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Panda View Post
    I hope he's taking Zoloft under medical supervision, right?
    It's not addictive or an opioid so I'm not sure why he fears he'll be found in an alley and such. I've taken Zoloft and it helped me incredibly, we had to tweak the dosage with my doc so it wouldn't be so high that it made me numb and it worked wonders like this.

    Just be there for him and try to make him safe to be emotional.
    Sorry this is my bad, he is taking an opioid I just can't remember the name, I just had it in my head that Zoloft was the opioid since I already had a negative impression of it.

    Hmmm he started on a low dosage, 25mg and now I believe he either takes 100mg or more. He told me it was increased because it wasn't helping as much as it should. I just fear he thinks it's going to do all the work.
    Red Panda thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Short Cake Cake View Post
    Sorry this is my bad, he is taking an opioid I just can't remember the name, I just had it in my head that Zoloft was the opioid since I already had a negative impression of it.

    Hmmm he started on a low dosage, 25mg and now I believe he either takes 100mg or more. He told me it was increased because it wasn't helping as much as it should. I just fear he thinks it's going to do all the work.
    Oh, I see. I take it the opioid is for the anxiety or to sleep? Zoloft can cause insomnia, my doc didn't want to prescribe any sleep medication so she told me to drink triple chamomille tea (3 bags in 1 cup) and it helped a lot tbh. This effect usually lasts until Zoloft's action kicks in, which usually takes a month since you start taking it. Every time you increase the dose it takes at least a couple of weeks for the effects to be visible. I personally settled at 75mg because 100mg made me numb. But that's just how it worked on me.
    All in all, I took it so it would help me deal with therapy because talking was very difficult and emotional and I couldn't do it. I hope he understands he needs to do therapy and not just rely on the drug entirely.
    Blue Flower thanked this post.


     
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