Stereotypes About Touch and Physical Affection

Stereotypes About Touch and Physical Affection

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This is a discussion on Stereotypes About Touch and Physical Affection within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Many of the varied INTJ descriptions and commentaries talk about a dislike or avoidance of touch and physical affection. How ...

  1. #1

    Stereotypes About Touch and Physical Affection

    Many of the varied INTJ descriptions and commentaries talk about a dislike or avoidance of touch and physical affection. How much of that is really truth? How do you feel about touch and affection? Who do you touch and who do you allow to touch you? And if you don’t like it, what is it about physical touch that you don’t like?
    Judson Joist and Froody Blue Gem thanked this post.

  2. #2

    I don't mind touch.
    Friends, even strangers can touch me; other then in the "private" areas. I don't care.
    I'm usually not that touchy on others though; except the occasional flirt and friend.

    Only people I genuinely do not like aren't allowed to touch me.

  3. #3

    I'm not a touchy person but I don't run screaming when someone touches me. It's fine by me.
    I let strangers hug me(for goodbye) and I don't mind it.
    If I feel really uncomfortable it's when the other person is (too much) into touch and crosses my boundaries or does any unnecessary touching.
    If you're not my SO, I will NOT want or do anything I consider to be intimate or prolonged- I assume that's what you're asking about.
    I'm demisexual though and it probably steams from it rather than my INTJ nature.
    Last edited by ukulele; 08-28-2018 at 05:30 AM.
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  4. #4

    I don't care for touch. I don't mind greeting someone or saying goodbye to someone with a hug, but nothing too prolonged. I'll hug family members and friends, sometimes the occasional stranger, but I'm still adverse to touch. I've noticed when with a SO I'll become a bit touchy and more open to physical touch, but again, nothing too prolonged.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    And if you don’t like it, what is it about physical touch that you don’t like?
    On the love language test, I have zero preference whatsoever for physical touch. I'm not really sure how to answer this question, though.
    Froody Blue Gem and Dissentient thanked this post.

  5. #5

    For me personally, the stereotype is somewhat accurate. I don't mind brief hugs or shaking hands. Romantically I like hugging, kissing, and handholding but am not much of a cuddler and need my personal space.

    I'm dating an ENFJ who is huge on cuddling so I compromise and cuddle briefly, which can be nice for me too. I don't like lengthy cuddle sessions though, too much physical affection when I'm trying to focus on something else (e.g. reading, studying) and hate when strangers stand uncomfortably close.
    Froody Blue Gem thanked this post.

  6. #6

    In general I'm not a touchy-feely type of person. However in my area friends & family greet you with a hug, so I've gotten used to that.

    My friends make fun of me because I do like my personal space, so when they get too close, I say "you're touching me", & they know to move away. However I have walked arm in arm with some of my female friends as we strolled down the street.

    As far as family goes it feels awkward when they touch or hug me because my parents were never affectionate growing up. I especially don't like it when my mother touches me because it's a control thing, like she's telling me to be quiet, or directing me.

    There are certain people I feel comfortable getting or giving affection to. I hug & hold, all my nieces & nephews (blood related or kids of friends), because I think children need to be shown love. I give a kiss on the check to my elderly relatives.
    There was a friend of the family, who used to give me these huge bear hugs, & a kiss on the forehead, I remember feeling the scratchy hairs from his mustache, when he did that. I used to stand still, & wait for this loud character to squeeze me, & I didn't even realize how much I loved him until he died.

    As far as romantic affection I do welcome that. When I like someone, I want to show affection by touching, or hugging them. It's a strange sensation when a new love interest touches my hand for instance, because that touch is almost seared into my skin. My sensitivity is heightened, & I can recall the feel of that touch, even years later.
    Last edited by Mmmm; 08-29-2018 at 09:24 AM.
    elight, Froody Blue Gem and HBMe thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Just don’t surprise me and I’m fine.

    Someone said it very well once before when they said their preferred way of receiving a hug involved having the other person approach them arms splayed like Jesus on the cross. Nonverbal way of saying “hey gimme a hug.”
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  8. #8

    I'm receptive and tend to be non-reactive with strangers.
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  9. #9

    I think it may stem from [childhood] for myself. It is not like an autistic fear-o-touch sensory-overload. It is more generally like a natural lack of proclivity towards it. I do not want to pet that dog. I do not want to feel your "soft skin" after you tried that new cream, I can see. There is no high-functioning neurological communication that says initiate a "touch". On the playgrounds, children were very touchy. They would touch your clothes. They would touch your hair. They were grabby. Almost all "games" involved some form of touching. They touched your toys. They took things. They evaded your space. They sat in your assigned seats. Without permission. Nothing pissed me off more. I was a very stingy - self-sufficient. I never had a desire to impose on another specimens space; and did not want anyone imposing on my own. I never had a desire to "touch" something or someone without permission. I did not like touching people; I was very object-oriented, so certain levels of intimacy (i.e., touching), I considered "imposing" on another. With other children/people, there was a very low fixation for myself. I liked to touch things and objects. I liked to play and touch with all things non-people. If I had a choice back then between legos alone and sitting a circle talking, I would select legos.

    This does not include the "excessive"-non-permission-y familial touching, either. I just remember hating this stuff from early childhood abnormally more than others. At "sleepovers" the girls play in each other's hair for fun. I just always remember being uncomfortable; no matter how at ease I looked, and had no 'natural' desire to do it. I am not talking about 'accidentally' brushing someone, handshakes or casual touching (knocking elbows at a store). I do not care about that stuff.

    On another cue, I was also raised by two (NT). Not affectionate-feely/huggy-kissy parents whatsoever.
    Last edited by Catwalk; 08-28-2018 at 09:55 PM.
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  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    The stereotype somewhat applies to me, but my primary language is physical touch, so go figure. There are several categories of people:
    - family: I can't stand them touching me, I can stand the briefest of hugs but nothing else
    - close friends: I like physical touch, long hugs, holding hands... I just don't initiate it that much
    - friends/acquaintances: I don't mind hugs when we greet, but other contact would probably be uncomfortable for me
    - strangers: hand shaking at work etc is fine, but things like stranger tapping on my shoulder in public transport makes my skin crawl
    - SO: depends. With my current SO I love cuddling for hours, long make out sessions, I fall asleep spooning, we hold hands all the time etc. With my ex I needed a lot of personal space, I needed to be as far away as possible from him when I was falling asleep, I didn't like making out... so I can't make any general statements about SOs
    NeonMidget and Froody Blue Gem thanked this post.

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