[INTJ] We never talk about what the INTJ wants in this respect

We never talk about what the INTJ wants in this respect

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This is a discussion on We never talk about what the INTJ wants in this respect within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; We speak here about how INTJs try to excel at everything and optimize everything, including the act of loving their ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    We never talk about what the INTJ wants in this respect

    We speak here about how INTJs try to excel at everything and optimize everything, including the act of loving their partners. What I've almost never seen discussed is, what they expect in return.

    Queasy topic to bring up/discuss. But what the hell... no one is a pure "giver"; there's got to be some "taking" as well to maintain fairness, balance and equilibrium in the long term.

    Sure, an INTJ likes to feel like 'they've done it all correct and have won the round'. :) I wonder what the partner might be able to do to help the INTJ feel good about the whole thing.

    [EDIT: Added the text below:]

    Let me clarify what I am looking for. Sorry it wasn't clear enough the first time.

    In your reply, if possible:
    1. Please answer from two distinct points of view: 'General love' and physical intimacy
    2. Please indicate whether you are a male/female
    (if you think the distinction matters and if you are OK to reveal this about yourself)

    Reg: point 1. The reason I asked to distinguish is that while giving alone-time and a lot of room might be a really nice thing for an INTJ from their partner, the same cannot be extrapolated to intimacy, since by definition, intimacy cannot be about 'leaving someone alone'. :) Therefore, to me, the two states are likely to be very different, especially for INTJs.

    Thank you forum people, for you all actually take the effort to answer sincerely (can't say that about some other fora).
    Last edited by middle_aged_enfp; 12-07-2018 at 11:55 AM. Reason: Clarification text added.
    Judson Joist thanked this post.



  2. #2

    we want what every one else wants
    honesty, truthfulness, loyalty, love, respect and most importantly the need of our weekly alone time

  3. #3
    INTJ


    I agree with @vinniebob
    We all want to feel wanted, & loved by our SO. I require honesty, respect, & for me, above all else, consideration. Sprinkle in some affection, good cooking, & a weekly massage, & I'm yours for the taking. I also need quiet in the mornings, alone time, at some point during the day, to recharge my batteries, & a listening ear.

    For me, words mean nothing, without the actions to back them up. Gifts aren't necessary, unless you request my wish list. That's all I can think of right now.

    Edit: What I stated above, would fall under the "general love" category, & what I put in bold goes under "physical intimacy". I enjoy being touched, & held by my SO. Climbing into his lap, as he wraps his arms around me, is very comforting, especially after a stressful day. As I stated above, I love massages too. I hope this is what you are looking for, if not, let me know so I can delete the following, because it will be TMI.

     
    As far as sex goes, I expect consideration. I like a more sensuous experience, fully connected, body, & mind. I enjoy the whole experience, including eye contact, hearing him, kissing, touching, etc...
    Last edited by Mmmm; 12-07-2018 at 08:36 PM.
    middle_aged_enfp and VinnieBob thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by middle_aged_enfp View Post
    My INTJ girlfriend and I were discussing this the other day, but I realize that even on this forum, this particular angle doesn't get explored much. (Or if it has been, please point me to the link; happy to read up.)

    We speak here about how INTJs try to excel at everything and optimize everything, including the act of loving their partners. What I've almost never seen discussed is, what they expect in return.

    Queasy topic to bring up/discuss. But what the hell... no one is a pure "giver"; there's got to be some "taking" as well to maintain fairness, balance and equilibrium in the long term.

    Sure, an INTJ likes to feel like 'they've done it all correct and have won the round'. :) I wonder what the partner might be able to do to help the INTJ feel good about the whole thing.
    Recognition. Not in the thing we do or "optimize" in working for the relationship, but on each our personal competence, each our personal field of expertise, and our "me time" requirements. The last part is the most expensive payment any partner have to give, especially the F people, naturally.

    And let us optimize your things -your bells and whistles- too cuz we'll be happy to do that. We are happy when you are.
    Mmmm, middle_aged_enfp and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    @vinniebob , @Mmmm @contradictionary : Thank you for your response. Would you like to add to your responses based on the Edit/clarification in the question (OP)?

  6. #6

    general love is a term INTJ cannot relate too
    we care very deeply for our S.O. but once betrayed we cut off our emotion to that individual in the blink of an eye

    pretty sure I am of X stock
    lots of people call me a fucking dick
    no ones ever called me a cunt or pussy
    contradictionary thanked this post.

  7. #7

    At risking being stereotype, mmmm already answer it for me.

    Physical intimacy is okay, good, nice, lovely, as long as its not excessive and proper and timely

    Not excessive and proper and timely being the difficulty factor.


    Sent sans PC
    Mmmm thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Mmmm View Post
    I agree with @vinniebob
    We all want to feel wanted, & loved by our SO. I require honesty, respect, & for me, above all else, consideration. Sprinkle in some affection, good cooking, & a weekly massage, & I'm yours for the taking. I also need quiet in the mornings, alone time, at some point during the day, to recharge my batteries, & a listening ear.

    For me, words mean nothing, without the actions to back them up. Gifts aren't necessary, unless you request my wish list. That's all I can think of right now.

    Edit: What I stated above, would fall under the "general love" category, & what I put in bold goes under "physical intimacy". I enjoy being touched, & held by my SO. Climbing into his lap, as he wraps his arms around me, is very comforting, especially after a stressful day. As I stated above, I love massages too. I hope this is what you are looking for, if not, let me know so I can delete the following, because it will be TMI.

     
    As far as sex goes, I expect consideration. I like a more sensuous experience, fully connected, body, & mind. I enjoy the whole experience, including eye contact, hearing him, kissing, touching, etc...

    Thank you, @Mmmm .

    It is interesting how INTJs infrequently talk about what they want from their SOs to make their lives nice. But we've still had some conversations out here about it. At least a little bit.

    But in the realm of sex, nothing. INTJs never reveal what _they_ want from their SO, to make their experience better. You are probably one of the first to mention anything at all on the matter! Thank you for starting the conversation. :)

    And totally not TMI.

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by vinniebob jolnir langbaror View Post
    we want what every one else wants
    honesty, truthfulness, loyalty, love, respect and most importantly the need of our weekly alone time
    OK, but these are broad ideas, not actions. What would loyalty look like? What actions will make you feel 'love' and 'respect'? etc.

    Let's talk about specifics of what makes an INTJ feel loved - generally and intimately.

  10. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by contradictionary View Post
    At risking being stereotype, mmmm already answer it for me.

    Physical intimacy is okay, good, nice, lovely, as long as its not excessive and proper and timely

    Not excessive and proper and timely being the difficulty factor.


    Sent sans PC
    OK. What does sufficient, proper and timely translate to, in actions? Any specific ideas?


     
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