[INTJ] ENFP Going On First Ever Date With An INTJ - Page 2

ENFP Going On First Ever Date With An INTJ

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This is a discussion on ENFP Going On First Ever Date With An INTJ within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Don't worry too much, if she's meeting up with you she's already fairly interested. Just interact how you would online, ...

  1. #11

    Don't worry too much, if she's meeting up with you she's already fairly interested. Just interact how you would online, just in real time.
    stathamspeacoat and Moby85 thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by lilysocks View Post
    disclosure: i've never been on a date (that's not entirely, 100%, totally true, but it's pretty close).

    my advice: don't try too hard. i can't stand nervous motor-mouthers.
    ICC as a nervous motor-mouther, NTJs don't like this ....annoys them T_T

  3. #13
    ENFP

    Well, we met at 7:30PM and ended up in such an intense conversation the waitress didn't even bother to get a dinner order from us and neither of us noticed until it was 9:30. We ended up talking until 11:00 when the place closed and left with the last staff. It was a really engaging conversation that touched on reality, quantum computers, spirituality, why reading fiction is a waste of time. She was smiling and would laugh at my jokes sometimes but she wasn't at all flirty.

    What's weird is she said she had poor social skills but the conversation was very fluid with great communication so not sure how she saw herself that way.

    To my mild surprise, since I didn't know how she felt - near impossible to read, I texted her this morning and she accepted a second date.

    P.S. For some reason PerC notifications for THIS particular thread weren't getting to me so I thought you guys ignored this thread and I went in cold haha.

    @D4P Yeah I was that guy with the INFJ. I considered people's opinions here to be resources, which though not taken verbatim, were helpful as I absorbed them. I obviously don't do this for everyone, but for rarer types such as INFJs and INTJs that have short fuses when considering a romantic partner, putting myself out there was worth it.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    What's weird is she said she had poor social skills but the conversation was very fluid with great communication so not sure how she saw herself that way.
    Trust her own self-assessment. Because....

    To my mild surprise, since I didn't know how she felt - near impossible to read, I texted her this morning and she accepted a second date.
    What she means by “poor social skills” isn’t that she’s no fun to be around, or isn’t a good conversationalist, or can’t be a good listener, or anything like that. What she means is “I really liked you on our first date and somehow utterly failed to convey that to you in a way you understood.” I mean, that isn’t what she was literally referring to when she told you, but that sort of thing is probably something she has experienced before, hence her self-assessment.
    peyandkeele, Eu_citzen and Moby85 thanked this post.

  5. #15

    Nice to know that you had fun.

  6. #16

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    Well, we met at 7:30PM and ended up in such an intense conversation the waitress didn't even bother to get a dinner order from us and neither of us noticed until it was 9:30. We ended up talking until 11:00 when the place closed and left with the last staff. It was a really engaging conversation that touched on reality, quantum computers, spirituality, why reading fiction is a waste of time. She was smiling and would laugh at my jokes sometimes but she wasn't at all flirty.

    What's weird is she said she had poor social skills but the conversation was very fluid with great communication so not sure how she saw herself that way.

    To my mild surprise, since I didn't know how she felt - near impossible to read, I texted her this morning and she accepted a second date.

    P.S. For some reason PerC notifications for THIS particular thread weren't getting to me so I thought you guys ignored this thread and I went in cold haha.

    @D4P Yeah I was that guy with the INFJ. I considered people's opinions here to be resources, which though not taken verbatim, were helpful as I absorbed them. I obviously don't do this for everyone, but for rarer types such as INFJs and INTJs that have short fuses when considering a romantic partner, putting myself out there was worth it.
    Sounds like it went really good!
    Moby85 thanked this post.

  7. #17
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucan1010 View Post
    Sounds like it went really good!
    It did! Given the fact she's willing to go out again. I don't think an INTJ would waste their time or mine on a second date if they didn't see legitimate potential. Probably as expected, my current challenge is that she's terrible at initiating things over text, which I'm trying to get my head around lol. I'm used to better communicators and as an INTJ I know she needs lots of solitary time and doesn't want endless texting anyways. It doesn't bother me but it makes it tough to balance how much or how little communication with her is best between dates, right?
    Last edited by Moby; 05-08-2019 at 08:33 AM. Reason: word use

  8. #18

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    It did! Given the fact she's willing to go out again. I don't think an INTJ would waste their time or mine on a second date if they didn't see legitimate potential. Probably as expected, my current challenge is that she's terrible at initiating things over text, which I'm trying to get my head around lol. I'm used to better communicators and as an INTJ I know she needs lots of solitary time and doesn't want endless texting anyways. It doesn't bother me but it makes it tough to balance how much or how little communication with her is best between dates, right?
    My ex was an INTJ and she never really initiated things over text, that must be an INTJ thing. We texted a lot though, I was just always the one who started conversations. For me what worked was I just asked her to let me know if she was ever busy or wanted some alone time, and that worked pretty well for us. Then again I'm also pretty introverted so we kinda' operated the same that way.

  9. #19
    ENFP

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucan1010 View Post
    My ex was an INTJ and she never really initiated things over text, that must be an INTJ thing. We texted a lot though, I was just always the one who started conversations. For me what worked was I just asked her to let me know if she was ever busy or wanted some alone time, and that worked pretty well for us. Then again I'm also pretty introverted so we kinda' operated the same that way.
    Hey @Lucan1010 my experience with her so far seems very similar to yours. What I'd ask you would be was she offended if:

    1.) You went a few days without initiating?
    2.) You texted without a "purpose", IE. just to say hi?

    This entire post betrays that I'm overthinking but I am used to women, even introverts, initiating at least 50/50 by text.

  10. #20

    Quote Originally Posted by Moby85 View Post
    Hey @Lucan1010 my experience with her so far seems very similar to yours. What I'd ask you would be was she offended if:

    1.) You went a few days without initiating?
    2.) You texted without a "purpose", IE. just to say hi?

    This entire post betrays that I'm overthinking but I am used to women, even introverts, initiating at least 50/50 by text.
    I really can't answer on the frequency aspect of your question, because everyone is different. At least when we were dating, I don't think I ever initiated by just saying "hey". I'd always open with something about a mutual interest, a meme, or seeing how something in her life was going, or something from my life. That being said, before we were in a relationship I'd occasionally open with something like "Hey, how's life been". When we were dating, we talked almost every day, even if it was just brief. While again, everyone is different, I really don't think she'll be offended unless you do something she specifically asks you not to do.
    Moby85 thanked this post.


     
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