[INTJ] What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed??????? - Page 2

What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed???????

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This is a discussion on What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed??????? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Squirt When I was much younger (as in, adolescence) 'betrayal' was met with vengeance. However, as an ...

  1. #11

    Quote Originally Posted by Squirt View Post
    When I was much younger (as in, adolescence) 'betrayal' was met with vengeance. However, as an adult I tend not to waste my time/energy with it, mostly because becoming 'The Crow' had consequences that I couldn't abide. I'd think of how every action I took would affect not only the person who 'needed atonement,' but everyone (including myself). Additionally, I'd tally up all the unknown variables I would need to take into account in order to be certain of the correct course, of my right to 'mark' or 'control' an outcome, and after all that, found I was unable to justify any course of 'vicious' retaliatory action by those terms.

    To be honest, I don't remember the last time I actually felt 'betrayed'... wronged, maybe, but not betrayed. Mostly because, like @Kamuela said, I (generally) can see it coming and step right out of the way (to me that requires much less of an investment than indulging in the drama of it).
    "Indulgence in the drama of it". . . that's well said.

    yes. when younger there was that. . . now, as you say. . . . it's simply not worth the time and effort to interact with the clueless.

  2. #12
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Betrayed???????

    I haven't been betrayed with 7 question marks since high school!!!!!!! Back then I would have made a vicious, cutting remark, never talked to them again, and shut myself in my room to nurse my wounds.

    Now, not so much. I haven't felt deeply betrayed by anyone close to me in many years. Maybe now I can read people enough to not make myself really vulnerable to someone who is unreliable. Or maybe I'm just lucky.

    If it is something major I would cut them out of my life. That's the obvious thing to do. But for everyday things like standing me up for dinner, or ditching a project we are supposed to be doing together? We all screw up, including me. I just will be more careful next time.

  3. #13

    Never sought revenge.

    Walk away (avoidance) or being a passive aggressive bitch by pretending to door slam someone for a bit, and then really doing it.
    EyesOpen and Squirt thanked this post.

  4. #14

    Considering how I currently let very few people into my personal life, I can't say this has been a significant issue in my late 20s. However, during my school and college years? Yes. For such cases, I just go quiet/distant to the point that it makes the other person very uncomfortable. I also [might possibly] cut the person off if the internal emotions become too much. For the cutting off part, I tend to be more lenient with family members who I am very close with though. No problem with doing a 'door slam' on others though.
    Last edited by NiTech; 06-17-2019 at 02:31 PM.

  5. #15

    I see this topic come up from time to time on INxJ forums and I am often curious about it. I see the door slam/ walk away response a lot, and being a P type of course that is not my normal response to frayed relationships; the door to reconciliation is always open unless someone was, say, violent and that hasn't been something I have personally faced.

    But what I am curious about isn't the response to betrayal, it is this idea of betrayal itself. Like, how often are you betrayed and how does an action get the label "betrayal?" I am well into middle age and I am searching my memory for someone who I thought betrayed me and I can't for the life of me think of anyone. It sounds just so dramatic. I've been hurt, let down, disappointed, stunned, and all sorts of other not-desired feelings from all sorts of relationships, of course. But I'm not sure I've been "betrayed."

    It seems like something that happens to emperors and knights and those whose agent steals their original work and turns around and profits from it.... it doesn't seem like a feeling I would get from a personal relationship.
    Green Girl, EyesOpen and Squirt thanked this post.

  6. #16

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Flower View Post
    I see this topic come up from time to time on INxJ forums and I am often curious about it. I see the door slam/ walk away response a lot, and being a P type of course that is not my normal response to frayed relationships; the door to reconciliation is always open unless someone was, say, violent and that hasn't been something I have personally faced.

    But what I am curious about isn't the response to betrayal, it is this idea of betrayal itself. Like, how often are you betrayed and how does an action get the label "betrayal?" I am well into middle age and I am searching my memory for someone who I thought betrayed me and I can't for the life of me think of anyone. It sounds just so dramatic. I've been hurt, let down, disappointed, stunned, and all sorts of other not-desired feelings from all sorts of relationships, of course. But I'm not sure I've been "betrayed."

    It seems like something that happens to emperors and knights and those whose agent steals their original work and turns around and profits from it.... it doesn't seem like a feeling I would get from a personal relationship.

    Yeah, I haven’t had it happen. I have faded out on people that seem untrustworthy but haven’t done anything specific to me (which is probably why this hasn’t happened). So I extrapolate that if something I would consider “betrayal” would happen, it’d just be a “see ya” deal - especially if I let them be close/trusted enough to actually end up feeling “betrayed”.
    Green Girl, Squirt and Blue Flower thanked this post.

  7. #17

    Quote Originally Posted by EyesOpen View Post
    Yeah, I haven’t had it happen. I have faded out on people that seem untrustworthy but haven’t done anything specific to me (which is probably why this hasn’t happened). So I extrapolate that if something I would consider “betrayal” would happen, it’d just be a “see ya” deal - especially if I let them be close/trusted enough to actually end up feeling “betrayed”.
    I guess it's all about life time for most INTJ. The current me will give few chance of courteous interactions for the benefit of my doubt then afterwards I will simply JUDGE (by extrapolation as EyesOpen said) and doorslam the trashes I met and recognized. Because I've learned from my experiences that there are people who are simply do not worth my effort, AT ALL.

    In my current work I have one or two people from the finance department (one of them is the CFO, roflol) which I do not ever want to interact ever again, at least when not being forced by professional working situation, only after my first week in the office. My judgement holds true, the more time passes the more they are simply deceitful garbage, in short: liability. Time will bring liabilities into bad debts desperately needed to be writtenoff. So i cut short (my potential losses), upfront.

    In this forum too. Several interactions then slam, enter my ever growing ignore list. I simply do not have respect for people who disrespect themselves.

    Edit: about past betrayals, I just moved on. It's very rare that I actually do something to avenge them, infact I couldn't really remember any.
    Last edited by contradictionary; 06-17-2019 at 07:31 PM.
    EyesOpen and NiTech thanked this post.

  8. #18

    A supervillain is born.

  9. #19

    I no longer close the door on people. I leave it open for them to reconcile, and I will likely be the very first to do so and clear things up. Then, I will let the door either close on its own or leave it to others to close it. They always do.
    Perhaps I've become an expert at wiping my mental and life "hard drive" of all traces of someone that has passed through my life. No guilt. No remorse. Just a "delete button", because whoever it is was simply not a good human being worth remembering.
    I don't know if others can do that?

  10. #20

    Quote Originally Posted by Kamuela View Post
    I no longer close the door on people. I leave it open for them to reconcile, and I will likely be the very first to do so and clear things up. Then, I will let the door either close on its own or leave it to others to close it. They always do.
    Perhaps I've become an expert at wiping my mental and life "hard drive" of all traces of someone that has passed through my life. No guilt. No remorse. Just a "delete button", because whoever it is was simply not a good human being worth remembering.
    I don't know if others can do that?
    That's what I put in my edited part because actually the door slam is only applies NOW.

    I simply move on and by the time passes by I would have a renewed benefit of the doubt for the said person. Because I believe people will somewhat mature, recognize their mistakes and do their best within their capacity to improve. As I certainly did.


     
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