This is a discussion on What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed??????? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Squirt When I was much younger (as in, adolescence) 'betrayal' was met with vengeance. However, as an ...
I haven't been betrayed with 7 question marks since high school!!!!!!! Back then I would have made a vicious, cutting remark, never talked to them again, and shut myself in my room to nurse my wounds.
Now, not so much. I haven't felt deeply betrayed by anyone close to me in many years. Maybe now I can read people enough to not make myself really vulnerable to someone who is unreliable. Or maybe I'm just lucky.
If it is something major I would cut them out of my life. That's the obvious thing to do. But for everyday things like standing me up for dinner, or ditching a project we are supposed to be doing together? We all screw up, including me. I just will be more careful next time.
Never sought revenge.
Walk away (avoidance) or being a passive aggressive bitch by pretending to door slam someone for a bit, and then really doing it.
Considering how I currently let very few people into my personal life, I can't say this has been a significant issue in my late 20s. However, during my school and college years? Yes. For such cases, I just go quiet/distant to the point that it makes the other person very uncomfortable. I also [might possibly] cut the person off if the internal emotions become too much. For the cutting off part, I tend to be more lenient with family members who I am very close with though. No problem with doing a 'door slam' on others though.
Last edited by NiTech; 06-17-2019 at 03:31 PM.
I see this topic come up from time to time on INxJ forums and I am often curious about it. I see the door slam/ walk away response a lot, and being a P type of course that is not my normal response to frayed relationships; the door to reconciliation is always open unless someone was, say, violent and that hasn't been something I have personally faced.
But what I am curious about isn't the response to betrayal, it is this idea of betrayal itself. Like, how often are you betrayed and how does an action get the label "betrayal?" I am well into middle age and I am searching my memory for someone who I thought betrayed me and I can't for the life of me think of anyone. It sounds just so dramatic. I've been hurt, let down, disappointed, stunned, and all sorts of other not-desired feelings from all sorts of relationships, of course. But I'm not sure I've been "betrayed."
It seems like something that happens to emperors and knights and those whose agent steals their original work and turns around and profits from it.... it doesn't seem like a feeling I would get from a personal relationship.
Yeah, I haven’t had it happen. I have faded out on people that seem untrustworthy but haven’t done anything specific to me (which is probably why this hasn’t happened). So I extrapolate that if something I would consider “betrayal” would happen, it’d just be a “see ya” deal - especially if I let them be close/trusted enough to actually end up feeling “betrayed”.
In my current work I have one or two people from the finance department (one of them is the CFO, roflol) which I do not ever want to interact ever again, at least when not being forced by professional working situation, only after my first week in the office. My judgement holds true, the more time passes the more they are simply deceitful garbage, in short: liability. Time will bring liabilities into bad debts desperately needed to be writtenoff. So i cut short (my potential losses), upfront.
In this forum too. Several interactions then slam, enter my ever growing ignore list. I simply do not have respect for people who disrespect themselves.
Edit: about past betrayals, I just moved on. It's very rare that I actually do something to avenge them, infact I couldn't really remember any.
Last edited by contradictionary; 06-17-2019 at 08:31 PM.
A supervillain is born.
I no longer close the door on people. I leave it open for them to reconcile, and I will likely be the very first to do so and clear things up. Then, I will let the door either close on its own or leave it to others to close it. They always do.
Perhaps I've become an expert at wiping my mental and life "hard drive" of all traces of someone that has passed through my life. No guilt. No remorse. Just a "delete button", because whoever it is was simply not a good human being worth remembering.
I don't know if others can do that?
I simply move on and by the time passes by I would have a renewed benefit of the doubt for the said person. Because I believe people will somewhat mature, recognize their mistakes and do their best within their capacity to improve. As I certainly did.