[INTJ] What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed???????

What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed???????

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This is a discussion on What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed??????? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed? Betrayed in a relationship, at work, with a "friend", with anyone, by life? ...

  1. #1

    What Happens When An INTJ Is Betrayed???????

    What HappensWhen An INTJ Is Betrayed?

    Betrayed in a relationship, at work, with a "friend", with anyone, by life?

    Do you walk away?

    Do you go nuclear?

    Do you get even?

    What do you do?



  2. #2

    Very, very dependent on the situation. In most cases, I think I break contact and walk away or get out of the situation.

    With much anger.

    But get out.

  3. #3

    Unless I was physically, emotionally or materially harmed by the betrayal, I probably wouldn't care much. Someone saying they didn't like the movie I was raving about 5 minutes earlier would be a bit of an insult but not count as a betrayal. While to someone like my wife that would be a casus belli to a declaration of war. For something more serious, that would really depend on the situation and context like Eyes Open was saying.
    grandpa2390 and Squirt thanked this post.

  4. #4

    In my younger days, I have gone absolutely nuclear because someone deserved it, put myself or my family in physical danger, or bullied my children (an adult), or backstabbed me at work (politics).
    But, there's something strange about it because there's zero emotion. And, a very conscious decision each step of the way. Instantly planned and orchestrated. Outwardly, it may look spontaneous but it's not. Controlled rage? No. Not at all.
    More like a technical fighter or boxer or soldier just disassembles the opponent and the situation with no expression. Watching myself and controlling everything, from somewhere, the real self. Detached. Cold.
    Not physical, though capable, but a psychological contest of will and spirit.

    To utterly defeat and destroy someone psychologically, to neutralize their will, is far more permanent than physically, or with violence.

    Isn't this strange?

    But, now, I am much much older and find that the INTJ strengths see betrayal coming long before anyone realizes they are even thinking about it. So, at this point, the only reason for seeing it through and actually going through the betrayal is because I wanted to cut ties blamelessly (it will be their fault and guilt, totally, for all to see) and let things flow a natural path without doing anything at all.
    It's a different level of maturity and sophistication.

    Does this make sense?

    And, in all of the above, I have never lost in the long run.
    I have a feeling that INTJ's plan to never lose, at anything.

    The best path amongst all these things is absence.
    Very strange creatures, these INTJ's.
    Last edited by Kamuela; 06-16-2019 at 07:29 PM.

  5. #5

    I got maliciously betrayed bad today. [100%] pissed. There was long angry ranting, curse words and other gibberish. I have cut them off completely. Never talking to them again. Period.

    Also,

    I am much much older and find that the INTJ strengths see betrayal coming long before anyone realizes they are even thinking about it.
    This is true. I did see it coming. I am just angry it came true. It was money/loan related and not so simple to avoid in this case.
    Squirt thanked this post.

  6. #6

    When I was much younger (as in, adolescence) 'betrayal' was met with vengeance. However, as an adult I tend not to waste my time/energy with it, mostly because becoming 'The Crow' had consequences that I couldn't abide. I'd think of how every action I took would affect not only the person who 'needed atonement,' but everyone (including myself). Additionally, I'd tally up all the unknown variables I would need to take into account in order to be certain of the correct course, of my right to 'mark' or 'control' an outcome, and after all that, found I was unable to justify any course of 'vicious' retaliatory action by those terms.

    To be honest, I don't remember the last time I actually felt 'betrayed'... wronged, maybe, but not betrayed. Mostly because, like @Kamuela said, I (generally) can see it coming and step right out of the way (to me that requires much less of an investment than indulging in the drama of it).
    EyesOpen thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Scoobyscoob View Post
    Unless I was physically, emotionally or materially harmed by the betrayal, I probably wouldn't care much. Someone saying they didn't like the movie I was raving about 5 minutes earlier would be a bit of an insult but not count as a betrayal. While to someone like my wife that would be a casus belli to a declaration of war. For something more serious, that would really depend on the situation and context like Eyes Open was saying.
    It is a pertinent question... what counts as betrayal to one person might not for another.

  8. #8

    hmm.

    For me this really isn't a case-by-case basis. I don't really have a lot of friends (I don't say that in a complaining way). And one of the reasons for that is this very thing. When I see someone has inconsistent character, is prone to lying, isn't reliable or whatever thing that is important in my "must be this long list of things to earn brightflashes inner-circle status", I just keep them at arm's length.

    People who know me well know that I won't hesitate to walk away from a relationship that is toxic and I don't tend to look back when I do. Sometimes I freak myself out by how not-caring I am about the end to a relationship. My ex husband, K, who is an ISTP (I type him that way that is), I still feel a bit "guilty" about how little I cared that we got divorced.

    The people I love, I love completely and without conditions. These are my my brother and sister, hornpipe2 (my partner) and Turi, as many of you know him ("my loving boyfriend"). These people have proven to me over and over again that they would NEVER betray me and if there was a point in which I felt that they did, I would spare them the benefit of the doubt until I knew for sure and then it would be a very very difficult decision about whether or not I would let go of that relationship over it. But these people are so instrumental in my life that we're talking about asking me to remove a piece of my soul, essentially, to walk away from someone.

    Of course I include my children in this, too, but they're too young to understand betrayal and so I have to make allowances for that.

    Anyone I didn't list, I could cut off in a heart beat if there was a need to. And if there was, I probably wouldn't give much thought to it. Relating to that person would simply no longer make sense.

    I'm not one for revenge. When I was younger I did a few stupid things, but that was real young and I learned from them, too. Now, no way - it's not worth it to waste energy on someone who isn't a positive force in your life.

    Hope this answers the question.
    Last edited by brightflashes; 06-17-2019 at 04:14 AM.
    Gr8ful and Kamuela thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Anything is possible.

    If I can write something off as "plain stupidity" it isn't a betrayal so I won't do anything. If my silence infuriates them that would be a bonus.

    If someone intentionally hurt me, there are lots of ways to go nuclear. Luckily, I've never been in this position.

    If I want to get even it's probably because someone was being selfish at my expense, and there are so many ways to hurt someone back.
    Scoobyscoob thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by brightflashes View Post
    hmm.

    For me this really isn't a case-by-case basis. I don't really have a lot of friends (I don't say that in a complaining way). And one of the reasons for that is this very thing. When I see someone has inconsistent character, is prone to lying, isn't reliable or whatever thing that is important in my "must be this long list of things to earn brightflashes inner-circle status", I just keep them at arm's length.

    People who know me well know that I won't hesitate to walk away from a relationship that is toxic and I don't tend to look back when I do. Sometimes I freak myself out by how not-caring I am about the end to a relationship. My ex husband, K, who is an ISTP (I type him that way that is), I still feel a bit "guilty" about how little I cared that we got divorced.

    The people I love, I love completely and without conditions. These are my my brother and sister, hornpipe2 (my partner) and Turi, as many of you know him ("my loving boyfriend"). These people have proven to me over and over again that they would NEVER betray me and if there was a point in which I felt that they did, I would spare them the benefit of the doubt until I knew for sure and then it would be a very very difficult decision about whether or not I would let go of that relationship over it. But these people are so instrumental in my life that we're talking about asking me to remove a piece of my soul, essentially, to walk away from someone.

    Of course I include my children in this, too, but they're too young to understand betrayal and so I have to make allowances for that.

    Anyone I didn't list, I could cut off in a heart beat if there was a need to. And if there was, I probably wouldn't give much thought to it. Relating to that person would simply no longer make sense.

    I'm not one for revenge. When I was younger I did a few stupid things, but that was real young and I learned from them, too. Now, no way - it's not worth it to waste energy on someone who isn't a positive force in your life.

    Hope this answers the question.
    So true.
    Well said.
    And. . . . anyone, regardless of family, son, daughter, sister, brother, etc, can betray you. It's human nature for some.
    j
    brightflashes thanked this post.


     
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