I'm an INTJ male here (although I have sometimes been typed as ISTJ).
The TLDR is that I met a fellow INTJ - I think he is interested, but I'm not really sure. As an INTJ myself, I can understand his need to take things slow, but I wonder if I'm misreading him and that he's actually telling me he just wishes to be friends.
A few months ago, I met another INTJ male on a dating app. He initiated the first message (simple 'Hey'), but then didn't respond after I replied with an equally pathetic 'Hey'. A month went by, and I reached out again. This time he was more responsive and asked that we move the conversation off the dating app into a social media app.
He initially paid me some very direct flattering comments, such as "gotta be totally honest here, just based on your pictures alone, I'd love to grab dinner". He also asked for selfies and would compliment me.
I could tell he was a bit awkward on our first date, but at the end of the date, as he was getting out of my car, he announced, "I'm gonna give you a hug" and proceeded to give me a warm hug as he left.
I felt there was mutual interest after our first date. I attempted to ask him what he was looking for, and he replied "friends/dating" (which I took to be a lukewarm response). He turned the question on me and I explained that I was ideally looking for a long term relationship but understand those are hard to come by, so I'm ok with whatever happens. He replied "I agree with all of that".
After the initial date, a month went by and we didn't see each other. I tried to ask him out, but he was busy switching jobs, and so he told me to wait until after his interviewing was done. Then, he left for a 2 month trip to Asia.
However, in the time between our first date and when he finally arrived back from Asia, he would be very responsive to my social media posts. He would frequently like my posts and even send private messages sometimes saying how he was jealous of my travel and wanted me to take him to wherever it was that I was posting from. He would also compliment my photos and say I was very cute or attractive or what not.
After he came back from Asia, I thought it would be game on.
One afternoon, he was lounging in bed and said he was feeling lazy. He casually mentioned that I should just go over to his place and nap. I didn't say anything because I felt it was out of character for him to say. Ten minutes later, he said his friends wanted to go out and grab drinks, and he said "You missed your opportunity". Only then did I clarify if he was asking me over, to which he said yes, and that he only cuddles in the afternoons, and at night he's likes to sleep alone.
When he revealed this to me, it was very clear he was interested in something, as I don't think anyone would suggest a friend come over to cuddle.
I also finally mustered up the courage and I invited him to get dinner to celebrate his new job. He seemed enthusiastic to meet up. The dinner went very well. We chatted all throughout the dinner, and bonded over our mutual love of food. He would tease me gently at times and he opened up about any and all topics.
After the dinner, he gave me a hug and thanked me for coming out. He also made me promise to tell him I got home safely. That evening, I tried to flirt and sent him a text on social media saying that I thought he was very handsome. He replied with a blushing face and said "stooppp".
The next day I sent him a text of a random gif and while he instantly replied to it, he didn't answer my follow up texts. It's been a week since he has reached out, although I know that this is his last week before he starts a new job and he is out of town visiting some friends.
Some of my non-INTJ friends warn me that I should try to keep momentum going and ask why I haven't scheduled a second date. However, I understand, as an INTJ myself, the need for space sometimes, but I just wonder, maybe he's just looking for friends and is just an overall nice guy.
I understand everyone is different and boiling people down to 16 personality traits overlooks individual variation but some guidance would be greatly appreciated.