This is probably going to vary along gender/orientation lines, but I hope you find an accurate answer from any responses received.
For myself, affection is something that rarely happens - so, when it does, it can be quite nerve-wracking and awkward, and something I might even want to push down. If I am looking to pursue a relationship with someone, though, I tend to first look for their comfort level when it comes to such. Whereas I usually only share my thoughts when asked, I attempt to find places to share my thoughts without the other person asking. Comfort with my ideas is something that is very important to me, and I'm likely to back off if someone finds it odd or discourages my thoughts (the line drawn between debate and insulting, that is). The process is, essentially, revealing more of myself to the person without them asking - and if they seem to like me for me, then I'll likely be direct in the coming times and ask them.
I'm a bit young, but due to discomfort with openly admitting my feelings for something so personal, I definitely look for opportunities to just ask instead of go through the 'I like you, and this is why' thing.
Being an INTJ I'm very reserved when it comes to emotion. I tend to use logic rather than feeling, even shutting down or repressing emotions that don't seem rational. So it's rare I'll 'have feelings' for anyone unless I'm sure that 1) they're what I'm looking for in a lover and 2) I believe they have at least a small amount of interest in me. If they just meet one of those two criteria I'm only very interested in them. Like Grey said, when I'm interested in a guy I voluntarily share more information than I otherwise would. (For example, when he asks how my day was I'd give him a little more of an answer than my usual, non-descript and evasive "fine"). I also notice I become a lot more extraverted, animated, and playful whenever he's around.
1) extremely quiet around that person but very attentive
2) willingness to be in social situations because that person is there
3) will answer any question posed by that person
4) take the person to the places i would normally go to get away from people
When I was younger I would maybe insult them more (by this I mean clever teasing, but really it just boils down to insults:blushed. Use more than yes/no answers, maybe answer the phone to them, give them more a coy glance rather than the imperious semi gaze.....maybe actually go out where they might be :shockedif I didn't have anything else on)
Now mostly I treat them as I treat anyone else. Give no real clues.
For me.. I have to get to know you before I have any feelings for someone. there is only one person in this world that i care about and i am married to her. I have had a friend a few friends but lost them due to my job and me having to move around.
I guess the best/easiest sign that an INTJ likes you is that he or she is hanging out with you on a consistent basis.
im an INTJ girl...if i am interested in a guy, i talk more often haha INTJs only talk when they feel it is necessary.
also, INTJs like to be alone.. we find comfort in solitude. so if an INTJ makes plan to hang out or whatever, then they are definitely interested in u in some way shape or form. making that effort is a bigger step than what most people would think. INTJs are perfectly content with sitting in their room reading personality forums on a saturday night lol ... but if they ask to hang out, thats a sure fire clue that something is happening there
Nope. If an INTJ (at least one like me) likes you and decides to do something with it, he will make you know. You won't notice a thing until he decides you should know. And then he probably already knows if you feel the same. (he might be wrong though, this stuff isn't the INTJ's best area)
i become more profound while choosing the words to speak aloud to this person, and am very straightforward showing unusual openness. But generally the problem with INTJ's i believe is, we expect reciprocity to be shown to us in an evident way, but at the same time we expect this not to be an overwhelming emotional response. We like it simple and sincere.
Somehow I end up in the person's vicinity very frequently. I also stare at (I try to hide this) and generally focus my attention at the person. I formulate my sentences carefully and try to show my best sides.
I suppose I do not act overtly interested, though... Usually it's probably hardly noticeable.
If I already know the person quite well, I'm rather playful with innuendos etc and can show subtle signs of jealousy.
The problem is that I'm not always able to tell whether I have feelings for someone or not. Heh, I've occasionally even had clear physical signs of attraction but I just don't feel anything. There's still a lot of work to do with my feeling side.
i am kind of liking this INTJ vibe...so INTJs do you all prefer to be the initiators, or do you like to be approached by a girl? i am the approaching type.
I think you can approach an INTJ directly, but don't expect a smooth way in case there is no interest. It will just be something like: Sorry, not interested.
I don't mind being approached. I show interest by looking at a person..smiling, touching my hair and laughing a little too. Basically if I'm interested in making friends I pay attention to the person. i like private not so crowded places where one can speak freely.
Generally, because INTJs are more reserved you will probably not see any signs unless their intended, and by then the person would have already made it clear...so just give it time.
Talking about myself, I honestly try to avoid all unnecessary contact with people, because based on previous experiences it always go bad, including family members, and the reason is that I'm an uncompromising person, when it comes to my world. My world is very important to me, especially my inner world and I don't want it disturbed, so if avoiding altogether is impossible, then at least minimizing it to the absolute necessary is the way to go. In this context expressing feelings is not particularly helpful.
When a guy asked me for my number to be friends, I told him I don't need more friends.He said"So you are that type of people"
I said"Yes I am " and walked away.
When I like someone (even as a friend)I am ready to discuss different topics that we are both interested in(but more likely my interests). I also listen and don't try to ignore, share more thoughts of mine than I usually do, and keep eye contact for 90% of the time(some people don't feel comfortable with that).
If I don't like you I would stare at a stone or a wall, and give short answers.I tend to be more friendly with people I don't like if they weren't annoying, but with people I like I am myself. Sometimes act extraverted and childish around people I like.It is complicated.
To me, it's been a very long while to act this way, not that I'm a stiff person or anything of the sort, but rather it's hard to find someone you like and be uncompromisingly yourself at the same time. However to me this is better than putting on a mask and try to please everybody to the extent that I no longer know who I am. To me, that's what I fear the most.
Like many others i do become very extroverted when i like someone. Also, i do tend to open up and be much more playful. I will also tease and joke with them.
Sometimes I try to avoid people I like, cause I fear to become a source of annoyance.Sometimes I distrust people I like more than others, and still expect a lot of them, the tiniest thing(even it is just my intuition, makes me stop trusting them and be more careful around them than strangers)(that is why it most likely ends quickly, once they dissapoint me I stop having emotions towards them, or trusting them.Yet I help when I can, but try to stay away at the same time).It really is complicated.
Why do you think is that? Is it rooted in a feel of insecurity and need for constant recognition from the outside world? Or to make others feel inferior and inadequate?
I was so busy taking care of others I forgot who I was for awhile. Recently, I was blessed with a hot cup of reality. life is beautiful. At the end of the day I hope to be standing not just with my scientific ideologies- but with a friend or two. Either way, I will be wearing the right shoes!
For me to openly express feelings for someone, I have to feel VERY safe. Like the person has to have proved to me time and again that it's okay to share those feelings. And even then I don't always feel safe enough to reveal my feelings to people in person. It's easier to do that over text. I have a female friend in college whom I haven't really met in person yet. I text her all these sweet things. But I wonder how much I'm really going to continue that once our relationship becomes predominantly in-person. But she has proven to be a very, very safe outlet for expressing affection so I might be able to express emotions to her. But for 99% of people, I will never reveal the full extent of my emotion because I don't feel safe enough.
Let's see, when I like someone, I find myself going out of my way to talk to them. You must understand, time is an extremely valuable asset to the INTJ. If you know an INTJ who doesn't socialize with anyone outside of the necessary norm, such as a workplace, but he/she would randomly drop by to talk to you in particular, chances are that they have taken a liking to you.
For me, showing someone that I'm interested in them involves socializing with them more than I would others. If I were out with a group of people and the person that I am interested in tags along, I'll do my best to let them know that they have my undivided attention. I won't cling to them, but rather wait for them to feel comfortable around me. I'll be more polite, smile more often to them, lean in slightly when I speak to them. I'll take them aside and talk to them away from the group so as to let them know that I am only interested in what they have to say and no one else.
It's a matter of gently singling them out to show them how worth your time they are.
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