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The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ.

[INTJ] 
2M views 41K replies 1K participants last post by  VinnieBob 
#1 ·
So I found this in the INFP section and thought it would be useful for my fellow INTJS. Courtesy of Nova.

Take issue with something going on in society?

Having a bad day?

Have something on your mind that wont go away?

Experience something so fabulous you just have to express it?


Post your vent here!



+ And a friendly reminder to please be respectful to other members and leave your baggage at the door.
 
#30,021 ·
Meh...I've experienced small amounts of sexism in the workplace over my years, but today was an entirely different experience when I was on the phone with a contractor with one of my male coworkers. The contractor's tone was completely different with my male coworker than with me whenever I've had a conversation with the contractor.

After the call, my coworker said something to the effect of "Did his tone change from yesterday?" I said "Yes, he was much less confrontational" and my coworker said, "yeah, I thought that might be the case." A third coworker seemed puzzled by this conversation and gave a questioning look to me. I said "It's because I'm female." which the first coworker confirmed. He said he's seen it a lot. It just reminds me sometimes how much of an uphill battle I have, sometimes without even knowing it because this is my reality.
 
#30,023 ·
ugh . . . so this enfp. not a person on this site, btw. i'm keeping that gang up to date on all this dad drama as well, and she KEEPS LEAVING these generic little nice-o-gram posts in my feed, that say things like 'sounds like you're dealing with a lot. want to talk about it?'

NO, i do not want to talk about it. i swear i don't get it. for one thing, i AM talking about it, damn it. if i wasn't you wouldn't even know there's a 'lot' going on. and for another . . . if i wanted to talk about it more than i am, then i would.

yeah. i don't get it at all. why do people even do this.
 
#30,024 ·
ugh . . . so this enfp. not a person on this site, btw. i'm keeping that gang up to date on all this dad drama as well, and she KEEPS LEAVING these generic little nice-o-gram posts in my feed, that say things like 'sounds like you're dealing with a lot. want to talk about it?'

NO, i do not want to talk about it. i swear i don't get it. for one thing, i AM talking about it, damn it. if i wasn't you wouldn't even know there's a 'lot' going on. and for another . . . if i wanted to talk about it more than i am, then i would.

yeah. i don't get it at all. why do people even do this.
Because they want to go the to Drama Rama Show. All the emotional goodies with no emotional cost! Coming soon to a theater near you!
 
#30,025 ·
Did the math, and for what we pay for our basement suite, we could rent a 2 to 4-bedroom 2 to 4 bathroom home in a really nice neighborhood (at least one of which is a super cute Craftsman style home which is probably my favorite house style, and many others are very similar) where I'm from and have $20 left over each month. :laughing::laughing::crying::laughing: Not that I'd ever want to get used to that level of housing, but still.

Granted, utilities and wifi are included in our rent, and even though the space is smallish and awkward, there's lots of beautiful wood trim, wooden cabinet doors, fantastic lighting, cute little niches and nooks, etc., because a previous tenant was into sailing/ships and did a lot of woodwork on the place. (This will probably be the nicest home we'll ever have by far.) Add to that the climate here, both weather and political, and it's worlds better than Kansas. Except that I miss the big city and, with few exceptions, everyone I care about lives in Kansas. :dry: One day I will learn how to make friends...but today is not that day. :frustrating: Oh, and we have...suitemates? They're not really roommates because we have a separate dwelling area and don't really see the others that often, so I'm not sure what to call them. But we have to be careful not to be too loud.

Not sure why I'm even looking at homes from where I'm from, except I've been super homesick lately. I think it's partly due to the move, but I've been thinking back and I think this time of year is particularly hard on me in terms of being homesick. My theory is that when things started to turn cool I'd start getting more active and doing more of the things that would become unpleasant once it got cold, so I think I have more fond memories associated with fall than the other seasons.

Also, we've allowed my father-in-law to adopt our remaining cat. The road here is much busier than at our old place, and we know there have been pet fatalities here recently. Throw in that our cat pretty much lived with him in the first place, he's buddies with my father-in-law's cat, is already happy where he's at, he might feel somewhat cooped up here, and we can still see him whenever we want, and it just seemed like the right thing to do for our cat.

But it just doesn't feel quite like home without a kitteh (and we miss OUR kitteh, even if he is better off somewhere else). :unsure: We'll be looking into fostering soon, with the assumption that we'll inevitably fall in love with one of our fosters and won't be able to let go. We'll just have to be careful and make sure when we do fall for one, it will be one that's road-averse (I truly prefer indoor cats because I'm a worrywart, but The Husbandit insists kitties are happier with outdoor access, and he usually wins that argument...mostly because it's true :tongue:). We've had two cats die in the last two years. Yes, both were old so it wasn't entirely unexpected, but I don't think we could take losing yet another again so soon, so street smarts is definitely toward the top of our list of requirements.
 
#30,026 ·
Ahahaahahaohhhhoohhohh report of my first day of some degree of discipline :laughing:

I had trouble falling asleep, probably fell asleep at around 00:00 or later and woke up to the alarm at 6:00. That shit really resonates through the radiator Ive got the phone on, the top grate rattles like crazy with the vibration. Anyway, I dont even remember waht I did but I probably went back to bed for some reason as next thing I know, its around 7 again. Well alright I didnt wake up at 6 but considering the circumstances, I drew an X in the table for waking up.

Next up, school. I went to school today. The first class is quite mediocre and useless but the second class is cool.

Next, the to-do list :laughing:. I probably set way too lofty goals as I got about 1/3 of the first item of 4 items finished which is absolutely incredible in all actuality, considering its electronics. Looking back, these look like simple things but theyre really about an hour each at the very least. I think Ill call the X effect table for the to-do list "do at least something" because larger goals dont work yet for me.

Tomorrow is a slower day toward the morning, we'll see how that 8:00 work thing works out :D. Think Ill keep the same to-do list and pare it down. I think I miscalculated and got the scale of it wrong - wrote down things Id want to get done in the larger scheme of things instead of just 1 day.
 
#30,027 ·
Because they want to go the to Drama Rama Show. All the emotional goodies with no emotional cost! Coming soon to a theater near you!
Oh, they are just being considerate, no? Wrong approach for you, definitely, it might even be offensive. But many want that infinite loop of expressing sadness and scream “I don’t know what to do!” And those usually start with rants. Comments hinting discomfort until someone pokes them. Those generic phrases are how people feel understood.


Not sure if I am allowed here. Sorry, but I just wanted to say something.
 
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#30,028 ·
Oh, they are just being considerate, no? Wrong approach for you, definitely, it might even be offensive. But many want that infinite loop of expressing sadness and scream “I don’t know what to do!” And those usually start with rants. Comments hinting discomfort until someone pokes them. Those generic phrases are how people feel understood.


Not sure if I am allowed here. Sorry, but I just wanted to say something.
You are allowed here. I agree that offering support is a kind and thoughtful thing to do. But when a stranger offers to listen to my problems, and I turn them down, and then they keep offering over and over again, I come to the conclusion it is because they want something. They can tell themselves it is out of the goodness of their heart, but if that was the case, they'd take no for an answer and stop pestering.

The people I have met who do this are addicted to other people's drama. They get their emotional fix from other people's turmoil. Kind of like watching a soap opera, but in real life. That's why I call it the Drama Rama Show.


Personal Vent: I seem to be stuck in argumentative mode lately. It seems like no matter what I say, it somehow turns into an argument. I'm not sure why. It must be something I am doing.
 
#30,029 ·
The people I have met who do this are addicted to other people's drama. They get their emotional fix from other people's turmoil. Kind of like watching a soap opera, but in real life. That's why I call it the Drama Rama Show.
Yes I suppose. If you declined and the continue to offer.

In my experience, adding to yours, those who do not stop tend to be:

-who wants extra information to gossip.
-who wants to be asked about their problems that is somewhat related to yours
 
#30,030 · (Edited)
Because they want to go the to Drama Rama Show. All the emotional goodies with no emotional cost! Coming soon to a theater near you!
heh. i don't think she is one of the voyeur types. it's more like, the way i got to know her was way back in the day i saw she was struggling and i made her one of those cool/neutral and-yet-sincere offers, which she jumped at. don't regret doing that, by the way. it's just that that isn't the way that i work my own self.

so what i get from this is that she does sincerely want to return the favour but just doens't seem to realise there never was any golden-rule thing going on. maybe in the spirit of it, but not in the implementation/letter.

Comments hinting discomfort until someone pokes them.
oh sure. except idk exactly how anyone would accuse me of hinting :p i mean, if anyone saw the stuff i've been getting off my chest . . . the mind fairly boggles at the dimensions of what she must be imagining in behind that.

eta: i'ts pretty interesting that i've been roughly equivalent-levels disclosing in here and not one perc member has sent me that kind of pm. people seem to realise what they see is what i feel like letting them get.
 
#30,031 ·
i will have THREE WHOLE DAYS OFF at the start of next month.

do i sound bitter and passive-aggressive there? i should not, because a gig's a gig and really the only thing breaking up my post-gig time off is a short flight to some other city where i suppose i'll be interviewed. for a job i believe i will need.

and if that doesn't go well, i could have another very loooooong stretch of time-off coming up at me here. but i feel bitter because i am so struggling with these final two weeks at this place. all i get is wrap up on tuesday, get wed thurs fri to be 'free' and try to clear my head, and then this whole frightening Business Trip thing and i've already forgotten when the fly-in-here-for-a-week-at-a-time stuff would start.

a gig is a gig is a gig. and i went to talk to my dad post-social-workers last night and got a really clear inference that he wants me to back off and butt out suddenly. so, knowing that they took the functional load of finding lawyers and notaries and getting his papers in order off me i think i'll go hard for this upcoming job, hope it works out and take it if it does.
 
#30,032 ·
Meh...I've experienced small amounts of sexism in the workplace over my years, but today was an entirely different experience when I was on the phone with a contractor with one of my male coworkers. The contractor's tone was completely different with my male coworker than with me whenever I've had a conversation with the contractor.

After the call, my coworker said something to the effect of "Did his tone change from yesterday?" I said "Yes, he was much less confrontational" and my coworker said, "yeah, I thought that might be the case." A third coworker seemed puzzled by this conversation and gave a questioning look to me. I said "It's because I'm female." which the first coworker confirmed. He said he's seen it a lot. It just reminds me sometimes how much of an uphill battle I have, sometimes without even knowing it because this is my reality.
This happens to me with older males. One of the latest experiences was when a previous owner of the company I worked for showed up, whom I had not met. I entered the room and stood by him waiting for a pause in the conversation to introduce myself (as I will never be one of those types that walks in and interrupts others with nothing urgent), but he didn't acknowledge my presence at all. Then my male coworker walked by, and this guy immediately stopped the conversation he was having to grab my coworker from walking by and introduced himself, asking if my coworker was in charge (and making him feel awkward since he was newly hired and not in a high position). My coworker said I was supervising him, and the guy still refused to make eye contact with me and his excitement dropped as he shook my hand. Then he went back to addressing my coworker, asking about what he did and how he liked the job, etc. At that point I didn't give a shit anymore and left. Glad I wasn't around when he owned the company.

My prejudice has become that any workplace dominated by (white) men usually pays better and treats employees better. If it is dominated by women or "minorities", it is a red flag that no one gets raises and employees are treated like crap.
 
#30,033 · (Edited)
oh sure. except idk exactly how anyone would accuse me of hinting :p i mean, if anyone saw the stuff i've been getting off my chest . . . the mind fairly boggles at the dimensions of what she must be imagining in behind that.
Yeah... If that's the case, it's probably an NF way of saying, "I think you is cool, let me in to your heart by sharing a secret with me and only with me." But it's true, once you get caught in that trap, you will never be able to leave. Something more, something more, hungry NF will repeat. No matter how much you tell them nothing is there. It's pretty annoying.

kind of leads into my stream of consciousness. . .

I stopped doing that after I started working, mostly because I work in social services and deal with clients all day everyday. My job is to listen to problems, empathize, and make them laugh. Who would've thunk I would run out of empathy. By end of the week, I am a zombie. It's pretty weird I started to enjoy the company of simpler people. Not stupid, but those who do not require me to read into their emotional state. Those who are just willing to talk about their issues (if there are) without making me follow some strange social cues. I use so much humor nowadays to avoid any kind of seriousness in my social life.

I used to be a post. Something stable, and a strong listening post, I suppose. I detect people's moods and read between the lines. But I am so bad being that nowadays, it's kind of funny. I don't care, let's talk funny. Or something extremely interesting, that's good too. I don't want to talk about my problems or your problems, unless you are asking for legitimate advice or a solution and can move on without throwing a temper tantrum. It actually surprised me how much of a change that was.

I need something fun to do. and a witty person.
 
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#30,035 ·
It's pretty weird I started to enjoy the company of simpler people. Not stupid, but those who do not require me to read into their emotional state. Those who are just willing to talk about their issues (if there are) without making me follow some strange social cues. I use so much humor nowadays to avoid any kind of seriousness in my social life.

I used to be a post. Something stable, and a strong listening post, I suppose. I detect people's moods and read between the lines. But I am so bad being that nowadays, it's kind of funny. I don't care, let's talk funny. Or something extremely interesting, that's good too. I don't want to talk about my problems or your problems, unless you are asking for legitimate advice or a solution and can move on without throwing a temper tantrum.
And you were worried about posting here. So silly. You fit right in!
 
#30,038 ·
crud. i had a brief lovely moment where i thought 'i could work from home yet again . . . ' this morning. and then i remembered i left the laptop downtown.

now i have to fret about car logistics instead, because #liftclubtonight.
 
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#30,039 ·
As much as I'd like to think that maybe all the shit I've gone through and done has been for a reason; I know that there isn't really any meaning and that in time everything that I know is hardly even a point in the graph.
I think you just gotta do what you can to record your little data point so maybe it'll help people on down the road map a sweet and informative trendline.
 
#30,040 ·
A good night's rest helped - enough at least.

It's just this pain. It's hard to think through so I haven't been working as much. While I have the luxury of being able to take a week or two off when I want, I have noticed that I feel my best when I am working and making a certain quota each day. I have taken the extra time to read and catch up on some TV shows, but that's nowhere near what I need to do to feel productive.

On top of that, my partner has been having to work a bit more this week because of technical difficulties at the office. So when he's having to work while the kids need things taken care of and I can't do it because I can't move, well ... it's frustrating.

My daughter went to her first dance last night. It was a costume theme and she wore last year's costume. Her maybe-boyfriend dressed up as Harry Potter and they danced "near" each other. Before the dance, I asked her if she wanted to wear some makeup or put her hair up special or anything and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "why?".

Pain isn't as bad today. Maybe sitting outside for a little while will be refreshing.
 
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