Personality Cafe banner

The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ.

[INTJ] 
2M views 41K replies 1K participants last post by  VinnieBob 
#1 ·
So I found this in the INFP section and thought it would be useful for my fellow INTJS. Courtesy of Nova.

Take issue with something going on in society?

Having a bad day?

Have something on your mind that wont go away?

Experience something so fabulous you just have to express it?


Post your vent here!



+ And a friendly reminder to please be respectful to other members and leave your baggage at the door.
 
#40,026 ·
Move happens next week - I keep going through random emotions from relieved (especially financially), to sad/depressed (losing "my own" space, moving to an area I wouldn't personally choose, more difficult access to the mountains, etc), to excited (new things to explore, getting prepped for racing again - finally)...there's good reasons for all the things I'm feeling, but when someone asks how I feel about the move, I honestly have no idea how to answer - because I am all those things at once based on various logical reasons.

Work front things are looking up. Have a verbal on a contract gig that should last a while and actually sounds pretty exciting, so fingers crossed on that one. Between that and the main job and the move, my financial life will do a 180 by this time next year, and that's WITH racing a full season - between the two it would literally be life changing and while it will be a lot of work and some days will stress me the f out, the thought of finally getting back to and exceeding where I was before getting laid off is HUGE. Plus, this contract gig would be massive for my resume, the exact type of work I want to be doing. Contract pay will primarily be going to savings and paying off debts so I have a safety net again and so my monthly costs are lowered - one layoff in this lifetime was enough to teach me a lot of hard lessons about lifestyle creep, how long savings does NOT last, etc....goal is to get my main monthly expenses where I could take a massive pay cut and be okay with some fat trimming, with ideally at least a year's worth of expenses saved that I never have to touch.

I just looked at my task list notebook...and I'm on track to be hitting and/or exceeding almost all my goals for the next year. I started my daily task list less than a year ago - when I compare where I was then to right this minute, it's some massive movement. Days and weeks and even months it is really rough, but that stupid daily list has kept me moving in the right directions despite all that. It's been life altering.

Today's plan is more moving prep - may tear down the office as this next week will be slow anyways, get that room cleaned, stage stuff in the garage and clear out the exercise/spare room and get that cleaned.
Also going to go hiking at the local state park since it'll be the last time it won't be a long ass drive to get there....dog is enjoying the cool weather so I think we'll do the longer trail.
 
#40,028 ·
I've been networking a lot of the last week and it is making me anxious. Yet, it is the good kind of anxiety where I've created some stakes and I'm unsure whether it will work out or not.

Aside from some deliberate searching, I made some contacts on accident at an event I went to in order to support someone else's work. It was so funny (seems funny things have been happening a lot lately) because the illustrations I've finished for my portfolio perfectly matched their goals, and I had no idea those people would be at that event. I didn't expect to stumble into a bunch of leads already! I don't have anything ready yet for pitching services, either. No website or business cards or anything but was able to show some of my work from stuff I uploaded to my phone. I see so many avenues now I just want to get into high gear and go for them, but I have to finish the groundwork first... I have one last piece I want to finish for my portfolio, then I have to ready it for digital and physical presentation, get a website going, and apparently get some business cards made up (since I was asked several times).

Ack.
 
#40,029 ·
Smashed my first lot of assignments out in a week. I'm pretty happy with that. It's all at a very decent standard so I am hoping to do well for these. The maths unit is notorious for releasing marks way beyond the deadline so I'm curious to see how that goes this tri. Now I just have two more big assignments to get out of the way before new years. Technically I can take longer but I am aiming to not have any schoolwork left when we fly to NSW.

Work is interesting. I've got a good grasp on what is going on now with the tool that's supposed to integrate two systems and unless we get answers from the company who built it about what triggers there are in the system, the mess is going to keep happening. IT manager seems to be annoyed by my questions. Whatever. This is what I was hired to do so I'm going to do that. I know I have support from the operations side of things above his pay grade so I'm not worried that I'm pissing off the wrong person.

I'm tired. Kids are drama today (it's hot) and SO is feeling sorry for himself after drinking too much on top of a big week of work and I can't be bothered. There is so much stuff that needs doing and I have been walking around the house for the last hour and a bit with my headphones on to get them done. Arthrogram early in the morning tomorrow. Nervous.
 
#40,032 ·
my brother starts his new position today and I am nervous, and more nervous because Dad is worried.

it is… Not always a dangerous job, but it can be.

My brother seems to be attracted to those kinds of careers for some reason, when he was younger, it was even worse. 🤣

when we were growing up, he idolized our uncle, who was in the military, and had some very interesting experiences there that my brother grew up hearing about, and finding inspiring.

Thankfully he is the only daredevil out of us, our sister is a geek. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 in terms of her career the biggest threat is dropping a book on her face in bed doing research.

I am feeling excited/nervous about Thursday.

I cannot believe from all the incessant analyzing and staring and weird people obstacles I am actually about to spend it with C.

We are discussing the way the day will fall because my cousin is having a big do at her place and I would love for him to pop over there with me. Time with his family and time with mine.
 
#40,033 ·
I have had some relationships or situations come to an end at times, and many times I have thought to myself that my departure did not make any difference whatsoever, and that there is no way that anyone would care that I finally left when they didn’t take the time to treat me well enough to keep me in the first place.

I only just realized what I really and truly mean when I think they will not notice my absence anyway

What I really mean is I am so over this I don’t care if I never see them ever again

it is me actually projecting my switch being flipped onto them.

The truth is, I have no idea whether or not anyone has ever missed me nor do I have the capability or desire to quantify what my absence actually means to other people.

I don’t care.

I will love and care and then one day, I just stop.

If people treat me well and are respectful, I can keep the same love for decades, and increase it wide and plant it deep.

But when I stop, I cannot go back. Everything in me shuts off to the entire scenario, and forever.

I am one of those people where I mean it when I tell someone they are actually dead to me, they will have to see me in their next life, if they ever want to talk to me again.

Sometimes I wonder if that means there’s something wrong with me, but then I look at my functional relationships with healthy people and I realize there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me.

What’s wrong is people who believe that it is their right to treat people like crap just because those people love them.

This is a broken world.

This is a fallen world.

human beings have within them the multitude of course. No one person is all good or all bad. Every person who exist is I guess what could be considered the infinite in miniature.

I can love someone and respect them, and also absolutely detest parts of them and decide that those parts are not worth the access to the good qualities. And there’s just no coming back.

I really wish people wouldn’t play those kind of games with me.

every person is a law onto themselves, and if you don’t learn the rules of someone else’s game, you can definitely find yourself losing. people who actually care will pay attention to your signs that you are unhappy with how they are treating you and that you want to get away from them. if you don’t pay attention to those signs, honestly, you deserve to lose them because you’re too dumb to live.

I put something to an end recently, and the timing of it has been really intriguing.

I have been amplifying certain positive aspects of my life, and that has made me incompatible to certain other aspects of my life is what I’m realizing.

It happened fluidly, instantaneously. Without conscious forethought.

I can’t believe I actually worked through my own thought process so spontaneously, and realized the thought underneath the conscious thought.
I have never caught that in all of my years of living that what I really mean is I don’t care about this person anymore, they are dead to me, when I am thinking, they are not going to miss me, this will be fine, no one will notice, I’m gone.

What I am assuming they are going to feel is what I am actually feeling about them.

Because I never leave anyone who ever actually made my life better, or who made me better.

You can enjoy certain people the way you might enjoy potato chips, or some kind of snack that you like, it’s great while you have it and you love it and it’s fun… But nutritionally it’s meaningless.

hanging out with C has made me realize that some people are the emotional equivalent of having a really nutritionally sound and elaborate and delicious feast and other people are like going to a party and getting drunk and having a great conversation in the bathroom with some girl about how much you love her and that her boyfriend ain’t shit. 🤣 I mean those drunken conversations with strangers where are you pump each other up are certainly fun, but they are not real.
 
#40,036 ·
got the weirdest sensation as I realized I will have to do an end of the year inventory of how things went this year.

The increasing health levels and strength changed things, and many things were lost as a result, many
other things gained.

It is strange, the cost of growth at times.

My 3 year anniversary was this month.

Three. Years. Out of the woods.

This year was the one that changed me internally the most though.
 
#40,038 ·
Not looking forward to this move. Boyfriend (ENFP I think) has been dragging his feet even on the things he could have been doing (like cleaning up his mess in the garage), and his response to being overwhelmed by the mess he created is to sit there, drink beer, and stare at it "strategizing" how he's going to clean it up. This is definitely going to be a bone of contention for us - he'll get weirdly OCD about keeping something clean, but then everything else is just a fucking disaster area like someone took the box of random stuff and just threw it at a table hoping for organization.

Now, when I can get him to focus, or just keep pointing him in a direction, then he/we can actually accomplish a lot - I'm just hoping we can jive a tad more and he'll trust my direction a little better rather than needing to sit there and "analyze" so damn much.

He also WAY - like WAAAAYYYYY - over estimates what can get done in a day (assuming you're doing it remotely properly) - so he's being all lackadaisical about the move because "we have four days babe, it'll be fine..." Meanwhile I'm over here knowing that we are going to have a number of trips since I haven't rented a truck, which is ~2 hours of driving, plus loading and unloading on both ends, tetrising everything into his house (most items will have to be carried around the house and down into the back door/downstairs entrance) and once we're out of here I still need to finish cleaning the entire house in "move out" quality, which is going to take at least one full day even with everything I'm trying to get done in advance....

I'm over here stressing the f out because I feel like we are no where near ready for this, meanwhile he's going to a concert tomorrow night with a buddy (he asked if I wanted to go, I was like, no thanks...) - which probably means he'll be worthless on Thursday too :mad: I wouldn't mind him going to concert if he had been putting in decent effort to get ready prior to this, but he just keeps thinking we have all the time in the world with 4 days to get everything done...
 
#40,040 ·
Last week I put an end to a situation that was bringing me down, which I tried to correct on my own with no support.

I did everything I could on my end and was met with gaslighting, minimization, and it was crappy, because I cared. A lot.

This week I am helping a friend navigate a breakup with a guy who has a lot of lovely qualities, but unfortunately his behavior is dangerous.

These issues are not exactly the same. But the things I am learning while observing both cannot be unseen.

My friend would be best served going no contact, but is worried about closure.

I feel like closure is an inside job.

I also feel like people put too much weight on this concept of closure.

This experience is making me really aware that the people who don’t wanna lose you will never risk it in the first place.

They will live the relationship in such a way that you are welcomed and safe there from the very beginning, and if they don’t have the ability to recognize that that is an option, nor the capabilities to back up their actions in a safe and effective manner, in my opinion, you don’t owe someone like that closure

You don’t owe the person who is screaming at you and telling you that you are a crappy person any sort of closure.

You don’t owe somebody who has proven time and time again that they are unsafe not just for themselves, but also for you, some sort of closure concept.

They never cared in the first place because people who love you cannot abuse you.

I remember when X was born. That was a life changing experience.

I cared about people before, but nothing to this extent.

It made it really obvious to me that something has to go completely and totally wrong with a human being If they are going to hurt a child, especially their own child.

This perspective shift, definitely impacted at all of my other relationships as well because you should have maternal or paternal love towards your loved ones and friends as well, a type of caring that puts their well-being front and center, where you would do almost anything not to harm them.

I have not met many people who love like I do, luckily, I’ve met some.

These other people who don’t know how to love end up giving you closure throughout the relationship as they take your love inch by inch and murder it.

I feel that you don’t owe someone who has psychologically stabbed your love and emotions in the face over and over again any kind of closure. Because the relationship never started.

They were having some sort of temper tantrum that they convinced you was a romantic relationship, and you, as an individual, decided that it was actually a relationship and that’s why it didn’t work.

It is rough watching my friend go through this.

She really loves this person, but it would take an act of actual heavenly intervention to change this. And that has never happened. no asshole ever made an about face after spending a lifetime practicing being a piece of crap in any short amount of time. the cake has been baked.

It’s weird when people on social media get crazy with me when they don’t realize I have an actual friends and a real life and real actual problems that matter to me and I am not here to deal with some random stranger being a complete dumbass

I didn’t survive cancer to let some temper tantrum having child give me some bullshit on social media. 🤣

It’s really strange, knowing that my perspectives are not shared by the vast majority of people that I meet, but I am lucky that they are shared by my few in my inner circle. Otherwise, I would seriously not know what to do… The citizens of planet earth are special and I don’t mean that in a good way.

this place seems like an experiment that has gone horribly wrong where we were built with an internal, knowing that you’re supposed to be good and we are told that you’re supposed to be good but the people who are the most respected and who get the most loyalty are the ones who break other people into pieces so that they can no longer function anymore

And I think that is really strange.
 
Top