[INTJ] The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ. - Page 3540

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This is a discussion on The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ. within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; god what a strange day. things are getting real (finally?) with the lawyer, and unfortunately that means i have to ...

  1. #35391

    god what a strange day. things are getting real (finally?) with the lawyer, and unfortunately that means i have to go sit in an office for an hour and a half and be grilled over the micro-realities of everything that went on in the first half of last year.

    it's hard. in the moment it feels awesome, like i'm finally getting to talk about my dad. and lawyers are incredibly incremental and detail-alert, so i get to actually talk about my real dad. not just 'he was this age and lived here and had those health conditions and then this'. the real, authentic him.

    it takes me back into the reality of what those days were like, just him and me doing things or hanging out together. or just him on his own, and the person he was. and then bam, it's over. and i'm back on the sidewalk outside, feeling business-like and accomplished and finding out that i hurt all over from it.

    i still have to deal with that affidavit.
    Napoleptic, EyesOpen, Asura and 1 others thanked this post.

  2. #35392

    There is a Carl Jung Quote I really like,

    “As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.”

    I would never share it on any form of social media though. Why? Because it implies some form of ego superiority, which is a feeling I strongly dislike.
    For many years I have tried to differentiate between egotistical thoughts and intuition that is a flash of the abstractions of reality.

    For example, I often have daydreams where people close to me give me compliments on my education or thinking and then I have to stop myself.
    It feels very off to think such thoughts, to think in a way that promotes the self in such a way. Then I have to ask though, am I egotistical for having such thoughts? Or is intuition showing me a potential truth?

    I always felt discomfort receiving compliments in life. In my household compliments were only given if you exceeded all expectations. There was no good - there was only best or worst. When receiving any form of compliment or criticism from others its almost like ... "Yeah, I know. I noticed how I did, I know where I was ok and I know where I could improve."

    It's almost like an ego check. Like a mechanism to ensure that I don't get too full of myself. In doing so though I am not often able to enjoy my successes in life. I immediately strive for the next target, the next goal point.

    I discussed a few weeks ago how when I am not striving for something my mind descends into apathy at an extreme rate, which is very true. It's why when I am focused on something I am hyper focused - its almost like nothing else exists. I focus on whatever it is until I have squeezed all use out of it, all stimulus, all challenge.

    Such a mindset allows me to do well, but I also worry about what the future will hold. It's an odd feeling to always be hyper focused on something. It can be anything. Sometimes it will be school, sometimes my life, sometimes a video game. It has to be something though. If not, issues arise very quickly.

    I wonder if these behaviors will ever balance out haha.

  3. #35393

    i am in such a strange mood, i don't know what to do about it except to keep pushing it.

    therefore. i have fallen down the lucia di lammermoor hole after all. and it was jd florez who dragged me down it, as well. i'm almost on the edge of having enough (operatic) italian now that i can follow the general gist without having to coles-notes my way through the first couple of times.

    can't speak for the love scenes and tedious backdrop-setting first couple of scenes, but man. i'm just starting from the big wedding-scene thing and it's just a huge tornado-alley onslaught from that point on down. i'm in the mood to get primal, you all.

    problem is, i suppose i had this idea 'i'll crank lucia, open those flerking documents and just let her power me through.' except what's happened so far is i've got them open and have not even looked at them yet. i'm too busy going 'yeah yeah, just let me hear this part first . . . ' then this one. and then just let me go back to the first one again.

    what i SHOULd do is settle for one of the ones that i already 'know' where the first fever is done. but like i said, i'm not feeling like that.

  4. #35394

    Laptop came. Purchased airplane tickets for under $300, but neglected to allow for travel logistics so may experience a very long travel time, but not the end of the world. Got paid for a little job and took on a medium-sized one today. Was only attendee at knit night, so had a nice one-on-one discussion with the spitfire little old lady who hosted this week. And got a tour of her garden! And a giant zucchini to take home, which will go very well with the fresh basil and heirloom tomatoes I already have.

    She handed it to me and said it was just my size. I wonder if that was a dirty joke that went over my head, I wouldn't put it past her to say something like that.
    Sela, EyesOpen, stathamspeacoat and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #35395

    Why, why, oh why do I insist on thinking it's okay for me to buy cereal? I've been great about routing processed snack foods and other things I am tempted to binge on from the kitchen, why is it that I forget and think I'll be able to exercise a measure of self-control around a box of cereal? Oh yeah, because what I'm after isn't the cereal itself, but the association with cold milk, which sounds amazing...when I'm thirsty. That's the trigger. I buy cereal because I'm thirsty when I'm at the store. It's not like I don't know this, yet I do it without thinking anyway. There's a drinking fountain there, or I could drink a bunch before I leave home so I'm not thirsty at the store. I feel so dumb. At least it's not every couple months or anything.
    stathamspeacoat and Negotiator thanked this post.

  6. #35396

    HAH. i think i just shocked my sister. this isn't a thing that happens very often, so ima bask for a while.

    we're discussing the pro's and cons of going contingency with this lawyer, versus pay-as-we-go. and i made a mental note out loud that we have to make sure we find out what our fallback will be if he ups and dies on us in mid-fight.

    she went 'you can't ask him that!!!'

    i can't tell you guys how happy i suddenly feel. it is so hard to scandalize her and i think i just honestly did.
    Napoleptic, EyesOpen and stathamspeacoat thanked this post.

  7. #35397

    @stathamspeacoat That sounds lovely! Did a quick Google but we don't have it in Europe. The alternative would be the green tea latte with coconut milk that they do at Starbucks - I love it.

    @Napoleptic Lapsang Souchong is one of those I use when I wanna set a mood. It smells like a bonfire, and with a good book and a splash of milk it's incredibly relaxing.

    I hadn't heard about some of the teas you mentioned, but they sound good. Orange blossom in particular.

    You've inspired me to think about soap. On travels, an easy way to support local entrepreneurs is buying handmade soap, so I may do my next post about this.
    Napoleptic and stathamspeacoat thanked this post.

  8. #35398

    The one thing I miss about having a partner is not having someone I can ask to kill the large, creepy spiders. Saw a medium-sized one this morning but didn't realize that's what it was because I had my glasses off. Dismissed it as the shadow from my dryer cord, which was moving about. Then I put my specs on and shrieked like a little girl. It was on my desk. Just hanging out in the open. *shudders* A shoe took care of it. It's weird that I can look at small spiders and feel nothing or mildly uncomfortable, but medium or large ones elicit a fight or flight response. Calm down, body, it wasn't even close to you. Yeesh.
    EyesOpen thanked this post.

  9. #35399

    I'm enjoying the Plant Jammer app for figuring out what I can do with combinations of what I have in the fridge. I like their gastro wheel (I may never make a crunchless meal again), and they have suggestions for balancing flavors (spicy, sweet, umami, salty, sour, bitter) if you get too much of one. Apparently their subscription includes nutritional targets. It's pretty simple, but effective—I'm surprised I haven't run across anything like this before, because I suspect it'd be great for beginning cooks or people learning to cook intuitively since it doesn't give amounts. My favorite thing is their "wild" combination suggestions, I enjoy experimenting.

  10. #35400

    Quote Originally Posted by Napoleptic View Post
    A shoe took care of it.
    i can't believe you were brave enough to shoe it.


    it's the bodily fluids. and the random left-over bits. shudder.

    i bust out the vacuum cleaner and pretend that it never happened.

    i know what my answer is to the size thing. i don't care if they want to be spiders, but i want them to stay small enough that i can't see any of the finer details. internal AND external.
    Napoleptic thanked this post.


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