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The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ.

[INTJ] 
2M views 41K replies 1K participants last post by  the_cheshire_cat 
#1 ·
So I found this in the INFP section and thought it would be useful for my fellow INTJS. Courtesy of Nova.

Take issue with something going on in society?

Having a bad day?

Have something on your mind that wont go away?

Experience something so fabulous you just have to express it?


Post your vent here!



+ And a friendly reminder to please be respectful to other members and leave your baggage at the door.
 
#862 ·
He is an ISTJ and likes to know that he is needed. That is the only reason I am thinking about telling him that I need him. He needs to be needed; he needs to know that he is seen as protector and confidante. I understand this and can satisfy that need for him. Simple enough to say but damned if my heart doesn't quiver at the thought of getting hurt again.
This will read as "cold," but you will be hurt at some time in the future (as will we all).

If he needs to be seen as protector/confidante, and you see him that way, then it only makes sense for you to tell him. As such, I don't view it as a vulnerable position myself, but I'm not in your shoes or your head. To my mind you are merely confirming what is. Keyso and Lirulin have made good points as well, so peer pressure rules!
 
#863 ·
THE MORE YOU KNOW THE FURTHER YOU GO!
Bleuggh. I eat rainbows for breakfast.

It's half-term holidays. Which means all the chavs have come out to play. I was on the train to university earlier and 2 chav guys were drinking cans of beer and hitting on a group of tarty chav girls whilst I was trying to read my macroeconomics notes. Why must you pollute my space? Also, is there some EU holiday directive I don't know about? It seems the whole of Europe is also on holiday, which means London is more filled with tourists than usual. I hate people.
 
#864 ·
Just say "fuck it" loudly inside yourself, then suck it up and tell him, tell him everything you have told us.

Contemplation time over!
Fuck it! I'll tell him... something... next time I see him. Assuming he doesn't fuck up between now and then. (See? I'm still withholding.)

Or just thank him for it. Doesn't involve expressing need, though it could, but gratitude is sincere.
I have thanked him. In every way I know how. Right now, though, I *coughs* feel the need to express something deeper.

This will read as "cold," but you will be hurt at some time in the future (as will we all).
Sweetie, I'm a mature and healthy INTJ; it's damn near impossible to offend me. There is no need to qualify or soften your statements. "Cold" is a euphemism for blunt and honest, which I very much appreciate.

If he needs to be seen as protector/confidante, and you see him that way, then it only makes sense for you to tell him. As such, I don't view it as a vulnerable position myself, but I'm not in your shoes or your head. To my mind you are merely confirming what is. Keyso and Lirulin have made good points as well, so peer pressure rules!
Given my history/experience, this is a very vulnerable position for me. It involves extending my trust even more than I already have. But, as my fellow INTJs have declared it, so shall it be! :)

Thanks!
 
#865 ·
He is an ISTJ and likes to know that he is needed. That is the only reason I am thinking about telling him that I need him. He needs to be needed; he needs to know that he is seen as protector and confidante. I understand this and can satisfy that need for him. Simple enough to say but damned if my heart doesn't quiver at the thought of getting hurt again.
So just think of it as an investment in the future - if he feels he's needed, it's more likely that he'll stick around.
 
#866 ·
Why can't people see past the nose on their face and why can't they see past the day?!!! h3ll, some can't see past the hour?!!! Seriously people are so self absorbed and near sighted. I just want to throw a WAKE UP rock at them!!!!
 
#868 ·
An INFP who got angry at me last time because I politely and very nicely evaded validating her on something that I didn't believe called me again, even though the last time I told her then that I didn't believe in validating if I didn't agree, and that I was not comfortable with her getting angry at me for it. Why would she do this again after our talk? So this time it was even wilder stuff that she wanted validation for, and I just don't do agreeing that everything wrong in her life is bad luck and she had no responsibility in taking actions that couldn't possibly lead to anything else but her unhappy situation. Women don't seem to allow me to just listen, they will ask what I think. I evaded as best I could, and she still got angry at me. This is not even a friend, just an acquaintance who has women friends to go to to talk about these things. So as she started to accuse me of being mean, I just said, "Remember, I might not be the person you want to go to for these things. I don't want you to be hurt, and I feel terrible about hurting you." And at least she said okay and dropped it and called her therapist instead. I don't know if that's the best way to handle it, but it's a better ending for me than the usual horrible drawn out thing.
 
#869 ·
An INFP who got angry at me last time because I politely and very nicely evaded validating her on something that I didn't believe called me again, even though the last time I told her then that I didn't believe in validating if I didn't agree, and that I was not comfortable with her getting angry at me for it. Why would she do this again after our talk? So this time it was even wilder stuff that she wanted validation for, and I just don't do agreeing that everything wrong in her life is bad luck and she had no responsibility in taking actions that couldn't possibly lead to anything else but her unhappy situation. Women don't seem to allow me to just listen, they will ask what I think. I evaded as best I could, and she still got angry at me.
It must have been an INTJ who developed caller id, and for this purpose.
 
#871 ·
I'm so fucking lost right now. I have no place to call home. I don't want to be at home but school is getting fucked up. I run home hoping to do my work in peace and turns out that i can't...
I even had plans, of things i wanted to do now i don't even know if i can.
Honestly, i don't know what to do. I tried solving this problem but i can't. I am defeated and empty.
It's very hard to live with someone who is dominant Fe and they emotionally manipulate you, making you feel bad and throw you at a level of death spiral. It's worst when this person is very important to you..
 
#872 ·
It's very hard to live with someone who is dominant Fe and they emotionally manipulate you, making you feel bad and throw you at a level of death spiral. It's worst when this person is very important to you..
This is a very difficult situation. Emotional manipulation is far worse, imo, than outright blackmail. The only way I was able to deal with it was knowing that I made the best decision I could at the time given the information available to me and thereby relinquishing any sense of guilt or responsibility for the other person's situation.

Is your manipulator an SO or parent?
 
#873 ·
Yes, a parent... Fe dom (ESFJ if i'm not wrong), you can imagine.. -.-
I'm very exhausted, i've decided to not allow the person to hurt me emotionally but that's seriously easier said then done. Especially since i don't hold on to grudges. I tend to let go of things easily and move on from the situation but its these situations that kills me. Especially since i'm passive and i'm not really sure what to say. I know what i want to say and i try but it would come down to how wrong i am and how right they are and them not making sense. Here i am trying to comprehend things and then they just simply bring me down.. I eventually end up shutting myself up for i know whatever i say won't make a difference but that makes me go into an inward death spiral and i keep my anger/emotions boiled up. It's like they want to see my emotional reaction, worse, they want me to feel as bad as they feel for some reason i didn't cause but already blamed me - that very thing makes me upset for i know i've not done what they claim.. Then they will go on to say what a horrible person i am, etc... -.- *sighs* It would hit me eventually, i don't know why. Not really sure how to explain this whole thing but it has happened more then once... Actually, it has been happening for years. I've tried to distance myself but it hasn't work. Now i'm taking things to another level and already the treatment towards me is hostile.
Only thing i can do is escape in my work..
If i had friends, i can escape the house more and i don't have anywhere else to run to. It's fucked up to not feel at home in your own home.
I'm working towards achieving my freedom/independence but my situation (whole family is financially unstable, i'm contributing) is harder and many people won't understand if i explain so i don't bother to. Also, i'm obligated towards that person a whole lot so i do feel a sense of responsibility which i uphold (damn Fi right) strongly and i make sure their well-being is met, but i am trying not to let things go beyond that. They are demanding more and i catch myself giving in so often.
Ultimately, the only solution i can see for now is getting to where i need to. Although that is going to take longer then i would hope.
I know i'm being general, not very comfortable to talk about this in 'public' but this is killing me really. Also apologise for being vague.
Gawd, i can't believe i'm so emotional over this. Typing this out was more painful then i thought.
 
#874 ·
Yes, a parent... Fe dom (ESFJ if i'm not wrong), you can imagine.. -.-
I'm very exhausted, i've decided to not allow the person to hurt me emotionally but that's seriously easier said then done. Especially since i don't hold on to grudges. I tend to let go of things easily and move on from the situation but its these situations that kills me. Especially since i'm passive and i'm not really sure what to say. I know what i want to say and i try but it would come down to how wrong i am and how right they are and them not making sense. Here i am trying to comprehend things and then they just simply bring me down.. I eventually end up shutting myself up for i know whatever i say won't make a difference but that makes me go into an inward death spiral and i keep my anger/emotions boiled up. It's like they want to see my emotional reaction, worse, they want me to feel as bad as they feel for some reason i didn't cause but already blamed me - that very thing makes me upset for i know i've not done what they claim.. Then they will go on to say what a horrible person i am, etc... -.- *sighs* It would hit me eventually, i don't know why. Not really sure how to explain this whole thing but it has happened more then once... Actually, it has been happening for years. I've tried to distance myself but it hasn't work. Now i'm taking things to another level and already the treatment towards me is hostile.
Only thing i can do is escape in my work..
If i had friends, i can escape the house more and i don't have anywhere else to run to. It's fucked up to not feel at home in your own home.
I'm working towards achieving my freedom/independence but my situation (whole family is financially unstable, i'm contributing) is harder and many people won't understand if i explain so i don't bother to. Also, i'm obligated towards that person a whole lot so i do feel a sense of responsibility which i uphold (damn Fi right) strongly and i make sure their well-being is met, but i am trying not to let things go beyond that. They are demanding more and i catch myself giving in so often.
Ultimately, the only solution i can see for now is getting to where i need to. Although that is going to take longer then i would hope.
I know i'm being general, not very comfortable to talk about this in 'public' but this is killing me really. Also apologise for being vague.
Gawd, i can't believe i'm so emotional over this. Typing this out was more painful then i thought.
Hey, I have the same kind of thing with my dad....I really can't even stand to be around myself being around him....I am not sure if he is Fe dom...he is freak dom though. I thought he may be ESTJ after thinking he was ESFP for a while the only thing he tests more than %53 is E at %100*shudder*. He was here for an excruciatingly mind fuck of a night earlier on in the week and next week he goes into hospital for a double knee replacement....I narrowly escaped being his recovery nurse. I honestly would worry about his safety if I was to spend more than a few days looking after him....it really is that much of a clash. I would get more and more careless with each day and abandon post just so I wasn't hissing in constant retaliation at him....gah!
 
#875 ·
Yes, a parent... Fe dom (ESFJ if i'm not wrong), you can imagine.. -.-
I'm very exhausted, i've decided to not allow the person to hurt me emotionally but that's seriously easier said then done. Especially since i don't hold on to grudges. I tend to let go of things easily and move on from the situation but its these situations that kills me. Especially since i'm passive and i'm not really sure what to say. I know what i want to say and i try but it would come down to how wrong i am and how right they are and them not making sense. Here i am trying to comprehend things and then they just simply bring me down.. I eventually end up shutting myself up for i know whatever i say won't make a difference but that makes me go into an inward death spiral and i keep my anger/emotions boiled up. It's like they want to see my emotional reaction, worse, they want me to feel as bad as they feel for some reason i didn't cause but already blamed me - that very thing makes me upset for i know i've not done what they claim.. Then they will go on to say what a horrible person i am, etc... -.- *sighs* It would hit me eventually, i don't know why. Not really sure how to explain this whole thing but it has happened more then once... Actually, it has been happening for years. I've tried to distance myself but it hasn't work. Now i'm taking things to another level and already the treatment towards me is hostile.
Only thing i can do is escape in my work..
If i had friends, i can escape the house more and i don't have anywhere else to run to. It's fucked up to not feel at home in your own home.
I'm working towards achieving my freedom/independence but my situation (whole family is financially unstable, i'm contributing) is harder and many people won't understand if i explain so i don't bother to. Also, i'm obligated towards that person a whole lot so i do feel a sense of responsibility which i uphold (damn Fi right) strongly and i make sure their well-being is met, but i am trying not to let things go beyond that. They are demanding more and i catch myself giving in so often.
Ultimately, the only solution i can see for now is getting to where i need to. Although that is going to take longer then i would hope.
I know i'm being general, not very comfortable to talk about this in 'public' but this is killing me really. Also apologise for being vague.
Gawd, i can't believe i'm so emotional over this. Typing this out was more painful then i thought.
I think I do understand; you don't need to be anymore specific. I had a similar situation with my ex-husband, also ESFJ and completely unable to take responsibility for his own emotions. I stayed because of my commitment and sense of obligation. It's draining and depressing to feel so trapped in a situation not of your making but of your choosing. It sounds like you've come to the right conclusion about the solution but living through it is tough.

I suggest not trying to be understood. Unless a sensor is healthy, he/she will never really appreciate the way an intuitive sees the world. Too much dialog only causes more misunderstandings. Hang in there. I have found that journalling and/or posting is very helpful in coming to terms with the chaos of emotions.
 
#878 ·
Yes, a parent... Fe dom (ESFJ if i'm not wrong), you can imagine.. -.-
I'm very exhausted, i've decided to not allow the person to hurt me emotionally but that's seriously easier said then done. Especially since i don't hold on to grudges. I tend to let go of things easily and move on from the situation but its these situations that kills me. Especially since i'm passive and i'm not really sure what to say. I know what i want to say and i try but it would come down to how wrong i am and how right they are and them not making sense. Here i am trying to comprehend things and then they just simply bring me down.. I eventually end up shutting myself up for i know whatever i say won't make a difference but that makes me go into an inward death spiral and i keep my anger/emotions boiled up. It's like they want to see my emotional reaction, worse, they want me to feel as bad as they feel for some reason i didn't cause but already blamed me - that very thing makes me upset for i know i've not done what they claim.. Then they will go on to say what a horrible person i am, etc... -.- *sighs* It would hit me eventually, i don't know why. Not really sure how to explain this whole thing but it has happened more then once... Actually, it has been happening for years. I've tried to distance myself but it hasn't work. Now i'm taking things to another level and already the treatment towards me is hostile.
Only thing i can do is escape in my work..
If i had friends, i can escape the house more and i don't have anywhere else to run to. It's fucked up to not feel at home in your own home.
I'm working towards achieving my freedom/independence but my situation (whole family is financially unstable, i'm contributing) is harder and many people won't understand if i explain so i don't bother to. Also, i'm obligated towards that person a whole lot so i do feel a sense of responsibility which i uphold (damn Fi right) strongly and i make sure their well-being is met, but i am trying not to let things go beyond that. They are demanding more and i catch myself giving in so often.
Ultimately, the only solution i can see for now is getting to where i need to. Although that is going to take longer then i would hope.
I know i'm being general, not very comfortable to talk about this in 'public' but this is killing me really. Also apologise for being vague.
Gawd, i can't believe i'm so emotional over this. Typing this out was more painful then i thought.
I also understand. I've been through something similar, though not nearly that long. It was pure hell.

Here's a song that really hit me right after I got out:
(You'll have to click through to youtube.)

Just thinking back on it raises all kinds of emotions!
 
#880 ·
Being coerced into a debate with my best friend's like becoming involved in a crime-drama. 'They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.'
Hahaha... The butler did it!!!
 
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