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The (stream of conscious?) venting thread for INTJ.

[INTJ] 
2M views 41K replies 1K participants last post by  VinnieBob 
#1 ·
So I found this in the INFP section and thought it would be useful for my fellow INTJS. Courtesy of Nova.

Take issue with something going on in society?

Having a bad day?

Have something on your mind that wont go away?

Experience something so fabulous you just have to express it?


Post your vent here!



+ And a friendly reminder to please be respectful to other members and leave your baggage at the door.
 
#18,022 ·
So I concluded that to lend a listening ear and contribute a warm smile and friendly banter, took very little effort on my part, but that it made the other person happy, so why not I said.
Heh. I don't like to make strangers happy. It tends to destabilize them.
 
#18,024 ·
Try this. Stop telling yourself it makes no sense (you don't have to tell anybody you've done this), and try just letting it run for a while, inside your mind. Every single time in my life I've had a crush on someone, it turned out telling me things about what I was 'missing' without my knowing/admitting it. All my crushes have been symptoms of some deficiency in my life which I could usually address for myself once I knew what it was.
Grate advice thanks. I will follow it next time it happens.
 
#18,025 ·
Try this. Stop telling yourself it makes no sense (you don't have to tell anybody you've done this), and try just letting it run for a while, inside your mind. Every single time in my life I've had a crush on someone, it turned out telling me things about what I was 'missing' without my knowing/admitting it. All my crushes have been symptoms of some deficiency in my life which I could usually address for myself once I knew what it was.
That's a fantastic idea. Never thought about it like that. Thanks :)
 
#18,026 ·
I see what you are saying (that it can be annoying and as an introvert it interrupts your thoughts). I can relate to that, and I have felt that way before. I felt there is no point talking to a stranger (that it is a waste of time because I will never see them again).

Then I realized for me that was too much of a self-centered view point, and it was unkind. And that if I wanted to be treated with kindness and respect, that I needed to give it out first. Some people are lonely, some overstressed (who today is not under stress these days), some have no one to talk to, so are just friendly, some just extroverts who think out loud.

So I concluded that to lend a listening ear and contribute a warm smile and friendly banter, took very little effort on my part, but that it made the other person happy, so why not I said.

In fact just yesterday I was in the doctors office waiting room, and a little one year old girl was crying. So I smiled and said hi to the girl and her mom. Then her mom starts talking to me telling me that this is her foster daughter (her nephew's child) and how her nephew and baby mama are druggies and low lives.

Anyway it took little effort and energy for me to engage in this conversation even though she was a complete stranger. Why would I be rude, what would that solve? So I find it better to show kindnesses (if possible). Plus it actually helps me to relate better to the people I actually care about. I call it practicing my people skills (not my strong suit).

So I think what she got out of it was and opportunity to to vent, to express herself, and what I got out of it was an appreciation of how people live different lives but we all deep down have the same basic needs, to be heard and understood. So I have no problem being polite - but even I have my limits too. For your bus example if it was just a passing conversation it would be no problem, but if I felt like the person was crazy or too creepy, then I would disengage and avoid.
First of all, that was not what I was saying. I was saying that I don't like the fact that people feel I should respond to them if they try to start a conversation. I do not have an obligation to talk to anyone.

I have never felt that talking to anyone would be a waste of time because I would never see them again. I have felt that talking to someone would be a waste of time because they would not enrich my life in any way.

I do want to be treated with kindness and respect. To me, that means not trying to talk to someone if they clearly don't want to talk to you. I value respect of privacy and of personal thought more than anything else. It is a self-centred viewpoint, but I don't have enough energy to live by everyone else's viewpoint all the time. To keep everyone happy is far more than I am responsible for. I think it was actually kind. I saved him the trouble of talking to someone who would find him annoying, certainly would never go out with him, and would be completely incomprehensible to him. Maybe he felt awkward due to my lack of response, but I'm sure the lesson that he's really not that important and that he should think before he speaks is one that he needed to learn.

I like your story about the little girl. I probably would have talked to them too, if I was in an extroverted mode and could think of what to say. I actually like talking to strangers if they seem interesting and aren't pushy and don't ask for my info.

Yes, he came across crazy and creepy from the first sentence. I don't know if he really was, I don't care to find out, but maybe he will learn from his mistakes.

My conclusion after some thought was that if someone approached me on the bus and jumped straight into talking about ideas or something interesting then I would probably respond positively. If people try to talk to get me to talk about myself or connect with me based on what I've done and my personal, private life that they do not need to know anything about, I will probably shut them down. I resent the intrusion of privacy and I resent the fact that they think I should have an obligation to talk to them.
 
#18,027 ·
So I concluded that to lend a listening ear and contribute a warm smile and friendly banter, took very little effort on my part, but that it made the other person happy, so why not I said.
Anyway it took little effort and energy for me to engage in this conversation even though she was a complete stranger.
You are clearly not an INTJ then.
 
#18,028 ·
Try this. Stop telling yourself it makes no sense (you don't have to tell anybody you've done this), and try just letting it run for a while, inside your mind. Every single time in my life I've had a crush on someone, it turned out telling me things about what I was 'missing' without my knowing/admitting it. All my crushes have been symptoms of some deficiency in my life which I could usually address for myself once I knew what it was.
That's a pretty cool theory. When I think back about myself, I found what you said to be true. This is especially so in the teenage years. Now, as a young adult, I no longer have crushes as I am balanced inside. I seek mutual love, not one-sided love or fleeting crushes.

Reminds me of my favourite quote: "Don't chase people. Be you, do your own thing and work hard. The right people who belong in your life will come to you, and stay. - Unknown."
 
#18,029 ·
I see what you are saying (that it can be annoying and as an introvert it interrupts your thoughts). I can relate to that, and I have felt that way before. I felt there is no point talking to a stranger (that it is a waste of time because I will never see them again).

Then I realized for me that was too much of a self-centered view point, and it was unkind. And that if I wanted to be treated with kindness and respect, that I needed to give it out first. Some people are lonely, some overstressed (who today is not under stress these days), some have no one to talk to, so are just friendly, some just extroverts who think out loud.

So I concluded that to lend a listening ear and contribute a warm smile and friendly banter, took very little effort on my part, but that it made the other person happy, so why not I said.

In fact just yesterday I was in the doctors office waiting room, and a little one year old girl was crying. So I smiled and said hi to the girl and her mom. Then her mom starts talking to me telling me that this is her foster daughter (her nephew's child) and how her nephew and baby mama are druggies and low lives.

Anyway it took little effort and energy for me to engage in this conversation even though she was a complete stranger. Why would I be rude, what would that solve? So I find it better to show kindnesses (if possible). Plus it actually helps me to relate better to the people I actually care about. I call it practicing my people skills (not my strong suit).

So I think what she got out of it was and opportunity to to vent, to express herself, and what I got out of it was an appreciation of how people live different lives but we all deep down have the same basic needs, to be heard and understood. So I have no problem being polite - but even I have my limits too. For your bus example if it was just a passing conversation it would be no problem, but if I felt like the person was crazy or too creepy, then I would disengage and avoid.
You're such a sweet person. :) I hope that the world has more people like you.
 
#18,030 ·
Starting to give up on a friend ever getting back to me on something that (I think) was important - I know the friend is busy, but could they not take two seconds out of their time just to drop me a message and say so? It's not hard, and I really don't like being left hanging (it makes it feel like they consider me worthless). I'm getting into a bad mood over it and, quite frankly, if my friend doesn't care, it's not worth my time. I'm fed up with trying harder than most people I know at everything, it really gets to me sometimes. (Plus, there's still the fact I don't want to feel like this, because I care about it and really don't want to. Stupid mind.)

Edit:
While writing this, I noticed something interesting. In the past, I would have always attributed this behaviour to my own worthlessness, that because I genuinely wasn't worth their time, they weren't willing to give it to me. But now, I feel a little angry about it, like it's unfair. Hm, maybe I'm getting over my self-esteem/self-confidence rubbish finally.
 
#18,031 ·
Starting to give up on a friend ever getting back to me on something that (I think) was important - I know the friend is busy, but could they not take two seconds out of their time just to drop me a message and say so? It's not hard, and I really don't like being left hanging (it makes it feel like they consider me worthless). I'm getting into a bad mood over it and, quite frankly, if my friend doesn't care, it's not worth my time. I'm fed up with trying harder than most people I know at everything, it really gets to me sometimes. (Plus, there's still the fact I don't want to feel like this, because I care about it and really don't want to. Stupid mind.)

Edit:
While writing this, I noticed something interesting. In the past, I would have always attributed this behaviour to my own worthlessness, that because I genuinely wasn't worth their time, they weren't willing to give it to me. But now, I feel a little angry about it, like it's unfair. Hm, maybe I'm getting over my self-esteem/self-confidence rubbish finally.
:) Your 9w1 is showing through. :)
 
#18,032 ·
Recruiter called me today. There's a new contract possibility. Nine months, so to December, and a little more money (again). Crisis project, so little danger of falling down the endless existential outlet of Nothing that's happened here. . . . And here's the thing.

It's the back end. I scanned through the detailed description today while still at the Current Place, and I wouldn't see a user interface the whole time. It's some kind of data-warehouse migration thing, involving good ol' SQL plus various new-generational tools that I've only vaguely heard of. But I'd be up to my elbows in the back end, and when I wasn't up to my elbows in that I'd be up in the faces of business people, finding out what they really want. It's the two things that I do best. Extreme back end, and extreme front.

I really want at least a shot at this job. Insofar as I want any job, though. At this one I could probably at least rely on some cocktail of terror, bafflement and sheer angel-wrangling to keep me focused, even if you might not call that fun.

The trouble is . . the truth is I'm not sure how much I want any job.
 
#18,033 ·
Recruiter called me today. There's a new contract possibility. Nine months, so to December, and a little more money (again). Crisis project, so little danger of falling down the endless existential outlet of Nothing that's happened here. . . . And here's the thing.

It's the back end. I scanned through the detailed description today while still at the Current Place, and I wouldn't see a user interface the whole time. It's some kind of data-warehouse migration thing, involving good ol' SQL plus various new-generational tools that I've only vaguely heard of. But I'd be up to my elbows in the back end, and when I wasn't up to my elbows in that I'd be up in the faces of business people, finding out what they really want. It's the two things that I do best. Extreme back end, and extreme front.

I really want at least a shot at this job. Insofar as I want any job, though. At this one I could probably at least rely on some cocktail of terror, bafflement and sheer angel-wrangling to keep me focused, even if you might not call that fun.

The trouble is . . the truth is I'm not sure how much I want any job.
It's only till December, that's not very long at all.
 
#18,035 ·
@luemb

Your new sig is both awesome and terrifying at the same time.

The best kind of awesome.
:ninja:

Complaints should be directed to @TrippedOnReality who identified the picture and @bigtex1989 who started the whole thing. However, the picture stays until a better sig pic comes around.

In the meantime, spiders are awesome and deserve more recognition.
 
#18,039 ·
OMG!! WTF!!! woiytp9w8t4;qoeu4ggfp9vdtgkw3rp9t7923u50;ywh;etflgiu!!!!

Why do people insist that everything has to be all or nothing? If there aren't significant quantities of studies, then absolutely none of them exist? WHAT?!?! If even one peer reviewed study exists at all then evidence exists, period!

I try so hard to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are intelligent people, then some jerk pops this logical argument out of his rear and then has the nerve to tell me that I can't defend my position after I provide him with the evidence he asked for. Then he insists that because it isn't extensive enough for his liking, it must not really exist at all.
 
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