999 pages.
So, today I started reading a new book I bought on Enneagram (I bought it a while ago actually but never got around to reading it) at work. The book helped me to realize I'm definitely a 9w1, but even more significantly, explains far more about me as a person down to the deepest core than MBTI has so far. In fact, it frames all my confusion about my MBTI type perfectly - just as @
bethdeth predicted from my start here on PerC - which is really pretty astonishing. She knew I was a 9w1 all along. Damn, I even got my wing wrong - I thought I was a w8 at first, but I was still projecting. When I finally read this book today, I really identified with the 9w1 description, almost every word of it. If anyone wants, send me a PM and I'll type up the whole chapter on 9's for you.
I have to share the positive side of this realization, because it means a lot to me. I've always known that my basic needs and fears all stem from wanting to be seen as a 'good' person by others, and that this is really what threatens my inner peace the most. And that is precisely what the book describes about 9w1s. Now, being an INTJ means I have a unique and special gift - a very rare perspective combined with the 9w1 enneatype. I have the advantage of being able to take an objective (Te) 'make it make sense' approach to figuring out what is 'good' (Fi) and imagining a strategy (Ni) for achieving that goal. When I reach the top three healthy levels of type 9 (which I believe I am already in) I will have a stronger sense of knowing what that good is and how to achieve it, and the motivation to actualize that vision through 3'ish assertiveness.
The trap is fear of rejection and the anxiety that comes from it. As long as I don't take it personally when others disagree, and instead focus on trying to resolve any issues peacefully and responsibly, everything should work out for me in life. And honestly, I can say that makes a lot of sense to me personally, because that is really the biggest thing holding me back in my life at this point. I already tend to focus on the positive side of things and being encouraging to others is my primary way of interacting - to the extent that I thought I might actually rely more on Fe than Te for my extroverted judgment. I resolved this confusion by recognizing that when I try to solve a problem in life that involves the feelings of other people I use the 'golden rule' - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That is more or less the definition of subjective ethical judgement, and Fi is subjective, ethical, and judgmental. Furthermore, I am choosing it out of a sense of practicality, because I identify with it conceptually as the most logical choice.