[INTJ] INTJ females relating to other females

INTJ females relating to other females

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This is a discussion on INTJ females relating to other females within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I tend to be very uncomfortable around other females. I don't know how to relate to them, what they expect ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    INTJ females relating to other females

    I tend to be very uncomfortable around other females. I don't know how to relate to them, what they expect from me, and I don't, typically, enjoy their company. I don't know if this is more related to the fact I grew up with only my brothers, or if it is more related to being INTJ. Any other INTJ girls out there who can relate? What issues have you experienced?
    I've gotten to the point where I just shut down if another girl is around. I have no trouble making guy friends, but when it comes to girls I can't fathom being friends with one. Any suggestions on how I can maintain who I am, but still be able to relate to other females? Any advice is extremely welcomed!!!
    anonimouze123, chanteuse, chanteuse and 13 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Lots of threads on this and yes, fairly common experience for INTJ women. Maybe in a group of 10 ladies I'll find 1 I enjoy being around and hanging out with. I do have several female friends but I do enjoy my male friends more - usually they have more of my sense of humor (usually..) and/or I find more of them who are intellectual. As I get older I am more accepting of a wider variety of female personalities but still not really any deep friendship type except for a couple of them.

    tips? Ehhhhh I dunno. I just decided to be less critical of these women at some point but there are still definitely a majority that I feel very little common ground with. But I haw found ways to appreciate some qualities and find out where we can connect.

  3. #3

    i'm 49, which is probably significant. i'm also single and have been for most of my adult life, which is probably also significant. for the most obvious thing, the people i might socialize or interact with are in their 40's or 50's too. so a fair bit of growing and living's been done.

    i never quite know the answer to that question though. there's a sense in which i get along way better with women than men. and there's a different sense where the opposite is true. i've tended to find individual women very easy to look straight in the eye and find a wavelength with. and in fact all of my close friends are women, and pretty much always have been. i've known one or two men in my life that i've been 'real' friends with, but most of the time there's a thread of unease and (bleh) 'romantic potential' with them. making a friend of a man in the same way and 'flavour' as i would with a woman . . . well, it does lead you into turf that they're used to having only happen in 'romantic' senses. so it gets to be pretty tricky, and i'm fairly guarded around men no matter how much i like them or get along with them.

    but configurations and groupings of women . . . yeah, i'm sort of uneasy there too. there's a sort of flavour to the solidarity even at my age that i feel like i'm just missing the right enzyme for or something. i'm actually very feminist and very sisterhood-y, whereas with men it's much more on an individual case-based basis. so theoretically, i'm very 'open' towards women just as a sort of nation i'm a citizen of, and whose rights and interests i'm pretty vocal about. but somehow it's also sometimes like a nation i don't much want to visit or live in full-time.
    Wellsy, Moya, EyesOpen and 16 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    Unknown Personality

    Yep. No man's land is the norm for me. Can't make girl friends because there's nothing substantial to them, can't make guy friends because all they want is their cake and eat it. After all this time I've just learned to enjoy my own company more than anything else.
    Impavidus, lilysocks, EyesOpen and 2 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Huh, didn't know it was a thing among INTJs.
    I love girls. I've been best friends with ISFJ gal for 17 years. I only have 2 guy friends and they are both quite annoying. Not because they are dudes though but because well, super rigid ISTJ and overly emotional ESFP.

    Is there difference when it comes to making friends with one gender instead of other? Didn't notice. Except for the part where sometimes guys think I'm flirting and girls always think I'm adding 'no homo' at the end of a compliment. Talk about things you like, listen others do the same, find common ground, talk about common interests.

    Whatever your likes are I'm sure there's someone who shares them. And even if they don't, I have next to none common interests with some of my girl friends and I still like listening to their point of view. Looking how they keep up our friendship I assume same is true for them.
    bluhorizon and MaskedNicci thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by Terrachel View Post
    I tend to be very uncomfortable around other females. I don't know how to relate to them, what they expect from me, and I don't, typically, enjoy their company. I don't know if this is more related to the fact I grew up with only my brothers, or if it is more related to being INTJ. Any other INTJ girls out there who can relate?
    No... but as a male I can relate. I feel the same way about other males and generally prefer the company of females.
    I find females are more straightforward and more relatable. Males spend half their time proving they are superior to each other, and the other half trying to make up for it with overly touchy behaviour or alcohol.
    Wellsy, lilysocks and erialClaire thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I find it difficult to find female friends, too. I ~loathe~ the flakiness, back-biting, constant need for competition, and illogical actions of 99.9% of other females. I'm not good at small talk, and have to be in the mood to discuss female things, ie, makeup, hairstyles, etc. I tend to have "diarrhea of the mouth" at times, and come off as cold and don't talk much (substance people! SUBSTANCE!), or insensitive aka hurt their feelings. As a INTJ female we are a rare breed, and tend get along better with logical males.

    All though it is ~completely~ draining on me, I ~can~ pretend to be an extrovert for a while; acting like I'm interested in whatever they are talking about, until a subject I can delve into magically appears. Or, I will slip in a subject that I am interested in...just to see if she is even remotely compatible with me. (Truthfully, I tend to 1/2 listen and go off on multiple thoughts of what I'd rather be doing, but somehow stay with the conversation).

    Summarizing:
    Pretend, pretend, pretend to be interested..until you deduce if this female is worthy of your precious INTJ time. ;)
    Asphodelle thanked this post.

  8. #8
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Morn View Post
    No... but as a male I can relate. I feel the same way about other males and generally prefer the company of females.
    Me too. I have always felt this way--since Kindergarten.

    I find females are more straightforward and more relatable. Males spend half their time proving they are superior to each other, and the other half trying to make up for it with overly touchy behaviour or alcohol.
    Also I find we have very different talking points. And males as a whole severely lack common courtesies and manners.
    lilysocks thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Morn View Post
    No... but as a male I can relate. I feel the same way about other males and generally prefer the company of females.
    I find females are more straightforward and more relatable. Males spend half their time proving they are superior to each other, and the other half trying to make up for it with overly touchy behaviour or alcohol.
    Haha! That's funny. When I was younger I could have said the exact same thing about other females. I do have a couple of female friends now, and they're an ESTJ and an INTP. Other girls get offended really easily. These two don't and I love them for it. I can say anything to them. Incidentally, this openness was what I could always count on from my guy friends. I just feel like they accept me for who I am. Maybe gendered competition has to do with it.

    I think with different genders you can be open about different things. For example, I almost never talk about clothes or hairstyles or whatever with my male friends, and I certainly don't talk about guys and sexual matters! But with the ESTJ, she takes care of all of my "girly" needs. We spent the better part of 20 minutes, last time, talking about... sex. And it's quite liberating. Guys tend to get the wrong idea when you talk about sex with them. But I'm usually less open about my ideas with other girls (the INTP is an exception) and with guys it seems all I talk about are ideas.
    EyesOpen thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettHayden View Post
    Yep. No man's land is the norm for me. Can't make girl friends because there's nothing substantial to them, can't make guy friends because all they want is their cake and eat it. After all this time I've just learned to enjoy my own company more than anything else.
    Pretty much this ^

    I am usually not interested in the topics of conversations chosen by most women I know, and while this appears to be different with men, I have more female than male friends (and I am using the word loosely). I have noticed, however, that women tend to take divergent opinions more personally, so, whoever controls the simulation game I am stuck in, must see negative interaction signs popping on their screen way too often.
    ScarlettHayden and EyesOpen thanked this post.


     
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