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This is a discussion on Ask an INTJ a question. within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Firelily Thank you Lilyscocks, 2 days you think, yes i thought 2 or 3 days would be ...

  1. #25931

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    Thank you Lilyscocks, 2 days you think, yes i thought 2 or 3 days would be plenty of time to know if you want to be with someone or not, maybe up to a week at most if they had a lot going on and wasnt sure of their circumstances, but no more.

    This exact type of thinking would be offputting to me.

    INTJ takes relationships very seriously and for me the beginning stages are full of automatic dq. If someone approached me this way, I would probably push back e.g. there is no number, I'll be done when I'm done. I cannot stand being rushed.

    You either need to create a dialogue that doesn't sound pushy, be patient, or realize this might be a sign that this guy isn't for you. Maybe you're not getting a quicker response because the cons you're presenting are equal weight to your pros.
    lilysocks and EyesOpen thanked this post.

  2. #25932

    Quote Originally Posted by stathamspeacoat View Post
    This exact type of thinking would be offputting to me.

    INTJ takes relationships very seriously and for me the beginning stages are full of automatic dq. If someone approached me this way, I would probably push back e.g. there is no number, I'll be done when I'm done. I cannot stand being rushed.

    You either need to create a dialogue that doesn't sound pushy, be patient, or realize this might be a sign that this guy isn't for you. Maybe you're not getting a quicker response because the cons you're presenting are equal weight to your pros.
    i'm glad you would be put off someone like me, because when entering into a relationship its not just all about you and how you want things and doing things when you are ready. it about two people wanting to be together and spending time. someone who only thinks about themselves, what they want and has the attitude of " I'll be done when I'm done" isnt really fit it be with someone as thats rather unhealthy.

    Also what makes you think i am asking for myself, so far everything i have said has been in a non personal.

  3. #25933

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    i'm glad you would be put off someone like me, because when entering into a relationship its not just all about you and how you want things and doing things when you are ready. it about two people wanting to be together and spending time. someone who only thinks about themselves, what they want and has the attitude of " I'll be done when I'm done" isnt really fit it be with someone as thats rather unhealthy.

    Also what makes you think i am asking for myself, so far everything i have said has been in a non personal.
    I have literally no clue why anyone would be so heavily invested in this down to presumptive timelines if it weren't for themselves but hey, maybe someone is so extra specially lucky to have you as a pal. Good for them.

    Also, I'm unsure how this mystery person imposing a deadline on someone's personal decision is any less selfish but what do I know. I'm just a fat, bald man in a basement on the internet.
    Last edited by stathamspeacoat; 08-15-2019 at 12:38 PM. Reason: I felt imposing was a more refined word choice
    lilysocks, EyesOpen and Asmodaeus thanked this post.

  4. #25934

    Quote Originally Posted by stathamspeacoat View Post
    I have literally no clue why anyone would be so heavily invested in this down to presumptive timelines if it weren't for themselves but hey, maybe someone is so extra specially lucky to have you as a pal. Good for them.

    Also, I'm unsure how this mystery person imposing a deadline on someone's personal decision is any less selfish but what do I know. I'm just a fat, bald man in a basement on the internet.
    look i'm sorry for you that you need to act so defensively towards me, but this is in no way constructive so i am going to stop conversing

  5. #25935

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    heres a question for you.

    if you ask and INTJ if they want to be a couple, eg your bf/gf and they ask you if they can think about it.
    how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
    I would say 2 to 3 days tops. Maybe more depending on how busy they are. Sorry I can't be of more help.
    Firelily thanked this post.

  6. #25936

    Quote Originally Posted by SarcasticGinger View Post
    I would say 2 to 3 days tops. Maybe more depending on how busy they are. Sorry I can't be of more help.
    thank you ginger i appreciate it.
    SarcasticGinger thanked this post.

  7. #25937

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    heres a question for you.

    if you ask and INTJ if they want to be a couple, eg your bf/gf and they ask you if they can think about it.
    how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
    I think I'm personally the type of person who would know right away or not, I can't imagine a scenario where I would need to "think about it" because if I hadn't already, then I'm probably not interested. But maybe others are different. So, I guess like some others said..maybe a couple days.
    lilysocks and Firelily thanked this post.

  8. #25938

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    Thank you Lilyscocks, 2 days you think, yes i thought 2 or 3 days would be plenty of time to know if you want to be with someone or not, maybe up to a week at most if they had a lot going on and wasnt sure of their circumstances, but no more.

    not what i said.
    stathamspeacoat thanked this post.

  9. #25939

    Quote Originally Posted by lilysocks View Post
    not what i said.
    I'm sorry i assumed you were saying that you would wait at least 48 hours at a guess (my 2 days comment) and that you would wouldnt even be that close to someone you didnt like enough to kiss and there fore want to be with. (my if you want to be with them comment).
    maybe a little misunderstanding has happened. never mind its of no matter now. the girl has sorted it out with the guy.

    thanks anyway guys

  10. #25940

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    I'm sorry i assumed you were saying that you would wait at least 48 hours at a guess
    i said that part. but the part where you tacked on 'a week at the most' - i wanted to clarify that wasn't me.

    the girl has sorted it out with the guy.
    good enough then.


     

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