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This is a discussion on Ask an INTJ a question. within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by OdinsVardogr INTJs Do you ever find your goals far outreach what society can cater for? In a ...

  1. #25941

    Quote Originally Posted by OdinsVardogr View Post
    INTJs

    Do you ever find your goals far outreach what society can cater for? In a sense that, your dreams or visions are not yet compatible with the way society currently functions and the dream is too dear to compromise so its kept in the closet labeled 'rumination'. How - did it go / is it going?
    No. I am a future thinker - not delusional. Everything is just in reach, with (high amount of work - on a timeline) but may or may not be worth the energy. This helps with a effective reward system, and not fall into unproductive daydreaming + unnecessary stress.
    secondpassing thanked this post.

  2. #25942

    Quote Originally Posted by Firelily View Post
    heres a question for you.

    if you ask and INTJ if they want to be a couple, eg your bf/gf and they ask you if they can think about it.
    how long should you give it before you assume that the answer if no and walk away ??
    I personally would know right away because if Iím not interested I wouldnít let it get that far in the first place that the guy thinks that he might have a chance. Others might operate differently, so Iíll probably be willing to wait 2 days tops if Iím not involved in the thought process.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

  3. #25943

    Are you aromantic?

  4. #25944

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilfoyle View Post
    Are you aromantic?
    Nope.
    EyesOpen and Gilfoyle thanked this post.

  5. #25945

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilfoyle View Post
    Are you aromantic?
    To a degree. I don't actively seek relationships out; they find me. As long as I can see a good reason to "be" with someone as a partner, I'll do it, but it does have to make sense and be practical as well as rewarding. I don't know if this actually varies from person to person - it's hard to imagine wanting to be in a romantic relationship that doesn't make sense in some way.
    EyesOpen, Gilfoyle and Mzku thanked this post.

  6. #25946

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilfoyle View Post
    Are you aromantic?
    Nah, I'm just pretty content without one but if I have one it's icing on a cake I guess. I think what @brightflashes said is pretty in line for me too. I don't generally look to have a relationship to have a relationship, that has never been me. It's always the person specifically that then leads to wanting or having a relationship. Then I usually get the yearnings for that closeness or relationship with someone, but it's usually stirred up by having an interest in a specific person who has turned that switch on, so to speak.

    I used to think that was normal for everyone but I have since learned it is not and I guess some people want to be in a romantic relationship no matter what and the person they have the relationship with is kind of interchangeable in a sense or a "this will do". I don't mean that at all to disparage people who think that way, I do think they truly love and are into their romantic partner they end up with or whatever, it is just foreign to my mind on how to approach relationships: looking for someone to be in a relationship with (not me) vs. meeting someone who makes you want to be in a relationship (yes me)

    But yeah, generally no I am not aromantic if I understand the definition correctly.
    Last edited by EyesOpen; 08-22-2019 at 01:51 PM.
    brightflashes thanked this post.

  7. #25947

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilfoyle View Post
    Are you aromantic?
    Oh gosh no.

  8. #25948

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilfoyle View Post
    Are you aromantic?
    . . . . i don't know, maybe? i don't even see a common thread in what most people might be meaning when they say 'romance'. so that makes the flipside question pretty impossible to answer.

    i can sort of divide what seems to be the cultural spectrum on 'romantic' into a kind of pyramid. kind of. i think i have the bottom layers pretty taped out, but don't get very far into it before i run out of gas.

    bottom of the pile: people who say 'romance' when what they're discussing is 'sex'. i despise these people.
    next up: the cliche bucket. candles, beach walks, gestures involving some form of 'see what you're worth to me' performance counter from either side. definitely never been into this stuff.
    level 3: um?

    lol. i guess based on the pitifulness of that performance there's evidence that i'm romance-deaf if nothing else. but i'm serious when i say i don't know waht people are talking about when they use the word. i googled the concept and some sources seem to imply it's about relationships, which seems right there to be a bit of a mismatch to me. to others, it seems to be about a performative yardstick - not just that the 'romantics' these people are talking about are defining 'romance' by the gestures performed towards them, but also that there's some concept of 'romantic attraction' making the 'romantic' person want to make gestures like that to the other person. or want the other person to make gestures like that to them.

    none of that makes any sense to me. i think - but this is a mental-struggle kind of topic just figuring out what my terms of engagement with it are - i thiiink that i don't relate at all to 'romance' as a presentation concept. like, the best i can tell from a quick poll of my internal self, i can't see the difference at all between the gestures you make because you love someone and the gestures you make that get given the 'romantic' tag. i don't get why one gets the markup or special flavour to it, and another doesn't. it's just affection to me. the rest is individual detail about how emotionally precise and true to the affection the gesture might be.

    tl;dr i am damned if i know.
    Last edited by lilysocks; 08-22-2019 at 08:58 PM.
    brightflashes thanked this post.

  9. #25949

    Quote Originally Posted by lilysocks View Post
    . . . . i don't know, maybe? i don't even see a common thread in what most people might be meaning when they say 'romance'. so that makes the flipside question pretty impossible to answer.

    i can sort of divide what seems to be the cultural spectrum on 'romantic' into a kind of pyramid. kind of. i think i have the bottom layers pretty taped out, but don't get very far into it before i run out of gas.

    bottom of the pile: people who say 'romance' when what they're discussing is 'sex'. i despise these people.
    next up: the cliche bucket. candles, beach walks, gestures involving some form of 'see what you're worth to me' performance counter from either side. definitely never been into this stuff.
    level 3: um?

    lol. i guess based on the pitifulness of that performance there's evidence that i'm romance-deaf if nothing else. but i'm serious when i say i don't know waht people are talking about when they use the word. i googled the concept and some sources seem to imply it's about relationships, which seems right there to be a bit of a mismatch to me. to others, it seems to be about a performative yardstick - not just that the 'romantics' these people are talking about are defining 'romance' by the gestures performed towards them, but also that there's some concept of 'romantic attraction' making the 'romantic' person want to make gestures like that to the other person. or want the other person to make gestures like that to them.

    none of that makes any sense to me. i think - but this is a mental-struggle kind of topic just figuring out what my terms of engagement with it are - i thiiink that i don't relate at all to 'romance' as a presentation concept. like, the best i can tell from a quick poll of my internal self, i can't see the difference at all between the gestures you make because you love someone and the gestures you make that get given the 'romantic' tag. i don't get why one gets the markup or special flavour to it, and another doesn't. it's just affection to me. the rest is individual detail about how emotionally precise and true to the affection the gesture might be.

    tl;dr i am damned if i know.

    From what I understand in use in culture currently, aromantic = not interested in romantic relationships, as opposed to friendships, with others (i.e. being in a relationship like boyfriend/girlfriend, having a special person, coupling up, whatever), not referring to ďromanceĒ as a concept.

    I think it may have come about in the whole asexuality realm in that asexual people are not necessarily aromantic and making a distinction as they tend to be conflated with asexuality, thatís my suspicion anyway.
    lilysocks thanked this post.

  10. #25950

    Quote Originally Posted by EyesOpen View Post
    From what I understand in use in culture currently,
    yeah, but . . . the way you dereference it (can see why you do) makes it, what? another word for monogamy? a precondition to [either of] monogamy OR polygamy? but then, what, the best i can tell we never even mention mono or poly unless there's a context that's sexual too. or maybe not. maybe it's about the romantic-emo alone. and honestly i'ts not hard for me to imagine people who are or would like to be in love with more than one person at once.

    aaghhh. to me all of htis really gets nebulous when you start analyzing.



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