[INTJ] INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship - Page 2

INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship

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This is a discussion on INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by _s.il I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up ...

  1. #11
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my introverted, deep thoughtful side with.
    I have at the moment three friends that I respect and trust, I have many acquaintances though they are just a means to an end socially :P giving me potential access to others I may connect with.

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    However, I have noticed that whenever people cut themselves off from me or we grow apart, it doesn't affect me too much.
    That's because you keep other people at arms length and don't allow yourself to connect with them on an emotional level. You look at friends as something that satisfy you in an intellectual capacity, notice you stated,
    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    introverted, deep thoughtful side with
    Lol I can't help to notice you didn't say feelings,dreams etc. Like I said your looking at friendship as simply serving your intellectual / rational utility you connect with those that have the ability to fulfill that need. I find that INTJ's normally are not comfortable with their emotion's so a lot of relationships are simply cold hard logical conversation. Lol I know more BS advice but to connect with more people you'll have to get more comfortable with expressing and feeling emotion.

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable.
    Lol, I'm assuming you've never been in love :P

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    I honestly don't really care what other people think, you like me? you don't? whatever :P that's just who I am :P I would say there is a cold and ruthless side to me, I prefer to dominate and control all social situations, I can be aggressive, assertive, cold, I'll put people in their place at times however my cocky, witty, special mix of BS and bravado seems to draw people in so I'm not short of new people to get to know LOL :P Do you have any siblings or are you an only child out of curiosity ?
    Reaper thanked this post.

  2. #12
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    So since you don't value relationships, what do you value the most?
    Truth.

  3. #13

    Friends are acquaintances who share a common interest. For example, I might go see the film Unbroken with someone who likes war movies. Then afterward we'll pick it apart or laugh about how much it sucked and then talk about war over dinner and say goodnight.

    That's a friend. The way other people talk about friends is foreign to me. No one has any business getting into my private life (unless I invite them) and my emotions are my business alone.

    So I value friendship less than TV because friends can bail on yo. I have more fun going to a movie by myself anyway.

    Friends can be nice but they are usually of little value. I have one friend who knows me a bit better than anyone else in my life (because she is a safe person) but that is highly unusual and in fact until a few years ago she knew me no better than anyone else.
    sanari thanked this post.

  4. #14
    Unknown

    I have one friend who is INFJ but I do not value the friendship as much as he does as he is a convicted felon (sex offender).

    He is like 6 years older than me and a conversation we had pre-conviction still haunts me. "Yeah, I like younger girls, not ones close to my age." Me: "oh so you go for girls who are like 25-30?" "No, MUCH younger." I thought he meant like 20-25. -.-

    He is the one who latched onto me - I have run from him ever since I first met him 15 years ago. He considers it a solid friendship solely because we have known each other for so long.

    I have no one else except Internet people.
    Popinjay thanked this post.

  5. #15
    Unknown

    Oh, and he is still a virgin, approaching 40.

    Make a movie!

  6. #16
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I can relate to this alot. Friends come and go, and I'm rather indifferent about it. I feel fine in company of myself anyway.

  7. #17
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by being View Post
    I have one friend who is INFJ but I do not value the friendship as much as he does as he is a convicted felon (sex offender).

    He is like 6 years older than me and a conversation we had pre-conviction still haunts me. "Yeah, I like younger girls, not ones close to my age." Me: "oh so you go for girls who are like 25-30?" "No, MUCH younger." I thought he meant like 20-25. -.-

    He is the one who latched onto me - I have run from him ever since I first met him 15 years ago. He considers it a solid friendship solely because we have known each other for so long.

    I have no one else except Internet people.
    No offence, but he sounds terrible .
    sanari thanked this post.

  8. #18
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Mithril View Post
    No offence, but he sounds terrible .
    I do not disagree.

  9. #19
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Imaginary Numb3r View Post
    This is almost frighteningly accurate. I wasn't sure to how many other people this actually applies.
    I like spending time with friends, but there are other things I enjoy equally.

    I have a few friends and I think it would be a waste to throw them away. So yeah, I keep doing stuff even though I might not be in the mood just in case I still have them when for future occasions.

    But frequently when somebody writes me a message and I just can't bother to write back. I then think that tomorrow suits me better to write back, and a day isn't too long to wait if it is nothing urgent, right?

    Well, I repeat thinking the exact same thing and after a week of no response from my side I just think that it's too late now anyway and just keep doing what I'm doing.


    ... I feel like I have only little actual time to spend and want to finish the things I'm working on right now.
    So many things to choose, so many things to go for, friends are just one option out of many.

    It's cruel and I try not to be like this constantly because I don't want to end up completely left alone eventually.
    But I kinda see it as a blessing that we don't need other people to feel happy or at least not unhappy.

    I'm not sure if this applies to any other other than INTJs to be honest, even INTPs seem to need people at least on a semi-regular basis where I'd have no problem seeing nobody for a couple weeks.
    I can relate so much to this. I value my friends but hanging out with them feels as important as watching a new episode of some series or playing a videogame. It's just another fun thing to do. And actually many times I prefer choosing a videogame or a funny Youtube video than go visiting one of my friends, usually it's just too troublesome. And in long time frame it feels more like "I probably should visit my friend so they don't think I don't care about them" than "I really feel like meeting my friend!!" Lol but sometimes that happens too (usually when I have discovered something new that both me and my friend really like).

    But when someone messages me, I usually try to answer quickly because I want to keep my relationships clear and fine, and I know that some of my friends would worry if I didn't answer to them in two days.

    And if some of my friends suddenly just cuts off, I feel weird and just think couple of days that what must it have been that made they do that decision. After that I just keep living my life; there's no point to me keep worrying such things for a longer time.
    Imaginary Numb3r thanked this post.

  10. #20
    INTJ

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my introverted, deep thoughtful side with. However, I have noticed that whenever people cut themselves off from me or we grow apart, it doesn't affect me too much.

    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable. So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    I have the exact same attitude regarding that. Again, like you said, it's not to say that I don't value people, but I see emotional expenditure on the circumstances to be unnecessarily burdensome, and so I generally move on without dwelling on it too much. I personally don't view people as replaceable, but I still move on rather quickly.

    There have only been a few exceptions to that, with which I have emotionally invested myself immensely in certain individuals. One of them was my best friend from childhood who ditched me. The result of that was a very lengthy, two-year hatred and sense of betrayal. I've since moved on from that though. The other person is my significant other, with which I've invested myself wholly in all aspects of my life. Furthermore, she's the source of my well-being, stability, and all other things that keep me together. If I were to lose her, it'd ruin me completely. With anyone else though, I have the same easiness in detaching myself.


     
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