[INTJ] INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship

INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship

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This is a discussion on INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    INTJ's and the Irrelevance of Friendship

    I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my introverted, deep thoughtful side with. However, I have noticed that whenever people cut themselves off from me or we grow apart, it doesn't affect me too much.

    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable. So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    lib, sanari, dingo and 6 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Are you talking about acquaintances or your actual friends? I went for a period of ten years where I didn't see or speak to my best childhood friend. I missed him all the time, actually.

    As far as acquaintances are concerned... I don't a rats ass if I ever see them again or not. If they aren't people that I can really share myself with then our relationship is just a formality.

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my introverted, deep thoughtful side with. However, I have noticed that whenever people cut themselves off from me or we grow apart, it doesn't affect me too much.

    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable. So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    Haha, yes, exactly like that! I too have 3 best friends. I know I can depend on them. I have a lot of fun with them. I like a lot of people (and I dislike a lot of people as well), but when they leave *shrugs*. If they want to come back, good, if not, good. I do not like to depend too much on people. People will do whatever they want to do anyways, so it's no use to be worried about it .

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my introverted, deep thoughtful side with. However, I have noticed that whenever people cut themselves off from me or we grow apart, it doesn't affect me too much.

    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable. So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    This is almost frighteningly accurate. I wasn't sure to how many other people this actually applies.
    I like spending time with friends, but there are other things I enjoy equally.

    I have a few friends and I think it would be a waste to throw them away. So yeah, I keep doing stuff even though I might not be in the mood just in case I still have them when for future occasions.

    But frequently when somebody writes me a message and I just can't bother to write back. I then think that tomorrow suits me better to write back, and a day isn't too long to wait if it is nothing urgent, right?

    Well, I repeat thinking the exact same thing and after a week of no response from my side I just think that it's too late now anyway and just keep doing what I'm doing.


    ... I feel like I have only little actual time to spend and want to finish the things I'm working on right now.
    So many things to choose, so many things to go for, friends are just one option out of many.

    It's cruel and I try not to be like this constantly because I don't want to end up completely left alone eventually.
    But I kinda see it as a blessing that we don't need other people to feel happy or at least not unhappy.

    I'm not sure if this applies to any other other than INTJs to be honest, even INTPs seem to need people at least on a semi-regular basis where I'd have no problem seeing nobody for a couple weeks.

  5. #5
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    I have many acquaintances, and few friends. The 3 friends I truly enjoy, I open up to and share my introverted, deep thoughtful side with. However, I have noticed that whenever people cut themselves off from me or we grow apart, it doesn't affect me too much.

    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable. So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    My first reaction: WOW you have a lot of friends!

    I think that's typical female, though. I would love to see some male INTJ opinions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Imaginary Numb3r View Post
    I'm not sure if this applies to any other other than INTJs to be honest, even INTPs seem to need people at least on a semi-regular basis where I'd have no problem seeing nobody for a couple weeks.
    I would definitely think it has more to do with enneagram instinctual variants than MBTI type.

    An so dom or sx dom would no doubt gravitate more toward forming bonds with other people than an sp dom--regardless of their MBTI type.

    Though, of course one would be likely to find a lot of cross-over between MBTI and enneagram--with some types consistently correlating to certain enneatypes.
    Last edited by aendern; 03-15-2015 at 07:00 AM.
    sanari thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Well it's good to hear so many people relate to this.

    Are you talking about acquaintances or your actual friends?
    @Sourpuss
    Both. I care a lot more about my friends than acquaintances of course, but I still wouldn't be completely ruined if we grew apart.

    @ everyone
    So since you don't value relationships, what do you value the most?

  7. #7

    I may feel bad about it for a day, but then I quickly move on with my life. I'm not saying I don't value people, it's just that I don't view anyone as irreplaceable. So when we go our separate ways or downgrade from a certain level of friendship, I mostly have a "well, it was good while it lasted, but farewell" attitude. Thus, my ENTP friend thinks I am cold and ruthless. Are any other INTJs like this?
    I have noticed this trend in many Fe types of people. Matter of fact is that no one is replaceable; your relationship with everyone is unique in its own special way.

    As for me, I often go back and think "hmm, I wonder what X person is doing right now". I also take my relationships pretty seriously; the same could also go for friendships given how hard it is for me to pick the right friends that I will actually enjoy being around.
    owlet and Reaper thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ISFP

    I have maybe one or two people I'd consider fairly close friends and I still don't share that much with them (I share more with my mum and sister, but not that much more, even though I'm very close to them).

    Still, I was quite upset when one of those two friends basically dropped contact with me because she'd found other people to hang around with. It affected me quite deeply for a period of time, then I worked through it and resolved the issue in my mind. Now, there's a sort of barrier there. I do try to keep in contact with both of them, but I've been a bit bad at it lately, due to time constraints.

    So, I wouldn't say I'm okay with just moving on from those couple of friends. I don't really mind with acquaintances as there's just no bond. We're together for whatever purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled, we go on with our lives.

  9. #9
    Unknown Personality

    I feel the same way. Acquaintances could fall off the end of the earth and I MIGHT enquire as to where they went, then shrug it off. Friends would get a bit more concern but not much.

    A bigger problem is if a good friend is still around but they change in a way that makes them appear more distant to me. If the friendship is, to me, still salvageable, I spend a lot of time trying to fix the problem.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists


    Quote Originally Posted by _s.il View Post
    So since you don't value relationships, what do you value the most?
    I value relationships, but only deep ones.

    As for what I value most... I don't know. Knowledge? Curiosity? Logic? Reason? Maybe those things.
    Hypernova thanked this post.


     
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