[INTJ] How do you get over friend break-ups? - Page 2

How do you get over friend break-ups?

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This is a discussion on How do you get over friend break-ups? within the INTJ Forum - The Scientists forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by HalfBloodDragon I thought I'd eventually get over it, but it's been 5 years now, and I still ...

  1. #11
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfBloodDragon View Post
    I thought I'd eventually get over it, but it's been 5 years now, and I still can't let my guard down enough to make more friends. Getting hit right in the INTJ loyalty is hard to handle.
    Why does your guard have to be down? I'm just asking out of curiosity since if you really feel you need to let your guard down to make good friends and you want good friends then guess you have to let your guard down or go the route of the below quote.

    Quote Originally Posted by Green Girl View Post
    I gradually learned to redefine friendship as a more casual relationship - one step up from acquaintances. I had to learn to enjoy being with people, while knowing that this is probably short-term, and will only last while our paths intersect. I still care about my friends, but I accept that the relationship has natural limits.
    This is probably the route most of us will eventually take simply because finding a great friend for life is very unlikely. Me personally I probably won't give up anytime soon.
    HalfBloodDragon and Veraine thanked this post.

  2. #12
    INTJ - The Scientists

    To explain what happened, we were close friends in a group, and had our first real fight. She's an ENFJ, and took every disagreement with her as attacking her. I wasn't the only one she did this to in the fight, just the closest one. We tried to set up a mediation with her, but she refused it flat out. She has since blocked me on every way to contact her. Obviously, I can find ways around that, I just see no reason to. The moment she was hurt, she lashed out and hurt everyone else, seeing no problem with that because SHE was hurt.

    tl;dr she's selfish and vindictive and not worth trying to force into more resolution.

  3. #13
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Friend breakup?? this is comical. wha tha fuk iz ther to geh over???
    or do you wana get gasht trying to pik it up???

    <<<<<<--------------------take it frum a koon!
    image.jpg
    wha iz ther 2 geh over??

  4. #14
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by martini449 View Post
    I think that friend has been giving you something you are missing right now. Acceptance, self-worth or something like that. Perhaps by removing dependency you will achieve some peace.
    Wow, that hit the nail totally on the head. I depended on her magical ENFJ powers to make friends, feel secure in groups, etc. I need to stop expecting someone else that I can depend on for that to walk into my life and solve it for me.

    Thank you, that was incredibly helpful.
    Veraine and cucumbersome thanked this post.

  5. #15
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by HalfBloodDragon View Post
    I had a friend that I thought I'd someday be sharing a retirement home with completely,
    Quote Originally Posted by HalfBloodDragon View Post
    The moment she was hurt, she lashed out and hurt everyone else, seeing no problem with that because SHE was hurt.

    tl;dr she's selfish and vindictive and not worth trying to force into more resolution.
    Are we still talking about the same person here? The same close friend you wanted to share a retirement home with?


    Actually the second comment sounds rather vindictive to me - due to you being hurt. Thing is, that by writing such a comment about your friend, you're actually not so much different than your friend imo.

  6. #16
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Yes, talking about the same person. During the fight, I learned that she had never shared those sentiments, seeing me as merely a friend from her past that she enjoyed doing some things with -- and nothing more.

    If she wanted to reconcile right this second, I would be ecstatic. There would be nothing I'd want more. The problem is that at the time, during the fight, she literally refused to even reference anyone's pain other than her own. She deleted any message that "made her feel bad," and guess what, being held responsible for ANYTHING made her feel bad. Repeatedly, I tried to seek mediation with her. She refused. I tried anything I could to repair the relationship and keep it from utterly imploding. She was completely uninterested. I had made her "feel bad" and that was a crime she could not tolerate. She cut off all forms of communication with me.

    Yes, I feel betrayed and am bitter about that. She had viewed me as a disposable friend, which hurts a hell of a lot when it's someone I expected to know forever. You are seeing comments I made because I am still in pain from her -- a wound that could not have been inflicted had my first statement of the retirement home not also been true.
    andy969 and Veraine thanked this post.

  7. #17
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Ok, I understand. Just try to move on then and forget about her. And try not to get bitter. Maybe even try to be happy that you saw her real face before it was too late. At any rate, you don't need such a friend and shouldn't waste any more thoughts on her. Better focus on finding another friend. Good luck.
    HalfBloodDragon thanked this post.


     
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