[Opus]

INFJ: *annoyed* Oh no, don't close the blinds! I like to sleep with my blinds open.
ENTP: *smirks, evil glint* I like to close the blinds when I'm alone with you. *rubs my back*
INFJ: ...*dies*...

[Fish Launcher]

ESFJ: Hey, Wikipedia! Let's see how smart you really are!
Me: Uh...OK...?
ESFJ: That's North, right?
Me: Yes.
ESFJ: And that's North-West?
Me: Yess...
ESFJ: Theen where's South-West?
Me: There. *points*
ESFJ: Uh...okay.
Me: What do you mean "okay"?!
ESFJ: Okay...
Me: Huh?!
ESFJ: Well...I'm not too sure about that...
Me:
ENTJ: *says something inaudible over the phone*
ESFJ: So...the sun rises in the East and sets in the East?
ENTJ: What the fuck?!
Me: !!!!!!
Me: Who am I living with?!

ESFJ:
ENTJ: You tell me, is that possible?
ESFJ: Well, you said this and she said this and I got confused.
Me: That's because you just went full retard. Never go full retard.
ESFJ: Oh, shut up! Just because you're smart doesn't mean everybody is too!
Me: /)_-

[yet another intj]

ESFJ: Come here! I want to show you a funny video.
INTJ: Okay.
ESFJ: Here!
INTJ: Oh, I know this one.
ESFJ: No! Just keep watching.
INTJ: Meh.
ESFJ: See? Did you see that? No, wait! Here it comes... Omigosh! Now, how funny is that?
INTJ: Can't you enjoy anything all by yourself?
ESFJ: But... It's so funny!
INTJ: I told you that I have already seen it.
ESFJ: What the... What kind of sorcery is this?

[TrippedOnReality]

While preparing food today:

ENFJ: Do you know how you get the smell of garlic off your hands?

Me: No...

ENFJ: <demonstrates by rubbing the back of a stainless steel knife on his hands>

Me: Huh, ok.

ENFJ: It has something to do with the metal in the knife. You should know that, you are science.

Me: LOL. I am science.

[lilysocks]

ESFJ: See? Did you see that? No, wait! Here it comes... Omigosh! Now, how funny is that?
INTJ: Can't you enjoy anything all by yourself?
ESFJ: But... It's so funny!

you can make someone fundamentally and profoundly infuriating sound so adorable in this thread. that isn't sorcery, but it is alchemy.

[rydonfan]

Today at work (I work in a bakery) I got liquid donut glaze all over my pants, my shoes, and the floor. (The container appeared to be sealed. I grabbed it by the handle and it swung a bit when I lifted it off the counter.) Tonight I have this conversation with my INFJ boyfriend.

INFJ boyfriend: So what are your plans tonighttt

Me: Watch a show or something maybe? I smell like glazed donutts.

INFJ boyfriend: You must smell delicious.

Me: Ugh no. I smell too sweet. I washed my pants off with a cloth immediately and it did nothing. My pants are hard.

INFJ boyfriend: Hahaha need some help? I'm sure I could get it off if it's hard and all. *a few moments pass* Wait...

Me: :l you sure about that?

INFJ boyfriend: Hahaha :l :l :l

Me: You leave my lower case l guy alone. He can be an uppercase l if he tries.

INFJ boyfriend: I've always wondered which you used! Now it all makes sense!

Me: What's that supposed to mean :L

INFJ boyfriend: Haha :T it means you are sneaky!

He is very cute.

[yet another intj]

This is how I'm explaining the basics of financial discipline to ENFPs.

[KittyKraz13]

I was giving my INFP best friend her birthday present.

INFP: [opens package] Oh, there's even a letter in here!
me: Oh, never mind that [reaches for it]
INFP: Hush [pulls it away and reads it]:
'I found these trading cards in my grandmother's garage. I thought you would enjoy a little paraphernalia.
Some are missing, but for the most part it's a full deck.'
everyone in the room: ...
INFP: Wow, seriously heartfelt.
ESTP: Dude, that's the worst.
ISTJ: [laughing] Are you kidding me? That's your idea of a birthday card?
INTP: Even I think that's abysmal.

[lilysocks]

everyone in the room: ...

hah. i was waiting for the punchline about your infp not playing with a full deck.

[Sunset in paradise]

(Talking to my ISTJ dad)

Me: Everyone has Marx all wrong. He doesn't necessarily say communism is the way to go, but rather that we are heading in that direction. After capitalism comes socialism. I personally think we'd be better off that way, anyway.

My dad: OK, but you see China and Russia? The people lived like hell there.

Me: That wasn't the type of communism Marx speaks of. We live in a country where we are all prostitutes, and the constant pursuit of money and taking advantage of people is everywhere, but the up and ups (the bourgeois) make it seem like we can become one of them (I'm getting rather ranty now). Then, right when you're about to get to that level, they move it up again. It's wrong, and people are like whorish sheep, blindly following what their pimps tell them to do.

Dad: My son, you have so much to learn about the world.

Me: Dad, I don't expect you to understand. Nobody does. That's why the system is always going to be like this. "Working class unite, all you have to lose are your chains." Sound familiar?

Younger ESTP brother: (Laughing and clearly not understanding at all) You should just become a monk then. You should want to get as much money as you can. That's how you put food on the table.

Me: Hahaha OK, Chris.

i hope you don't mind me bring amused at your expense, but an intj with an estp younger brother and an istj dad to top it off is a pretty funny combo, i would love to just hear the kinda conversations you guys have :L