my pocket norris friend at work does an awesome deadpan.
me, last friday: how's it going?
him: don't ask
me, this monday: good weekend?
me: *finds out indirectly his gang worked all weekend long under threat of having all legs sawn off
me: *discreetly avoids, for a few days*
me: *notes that his team was one of the two who 'didn't make' demo this sprint. continues discretion policy*
me: *encounters him at 2 pm, looking rumpled, coat on and keys in hand, leaving the building* yeah, good idea.
him: *is present in lunch room two hours later*
me: you came back.
me: why'd you come back?
him: believe me. i ask myself that every day.
Watching an M. Night Shyamalan movie with an ESFJ...
ESFJ: Is he talking with...
Me: Why don't you try to think while watching, instead of asking me absurd questions? It's just a cheap mystery bullshit and nobody knows anything about it, including the director of the movie.
ESFJ: But... He was looking for aliens just a couple of minutes ago!
Me: I'm already frustrated by so many scientific inaccuracies yet I'm still trying to watch the whole thing with you... Just because you love that kind of ridiculous crap so much. Would you like to help me with being a little more quiet?
ESFJ: Is there an alien behind that bush?
*INTJ crush and me discussing about a movie we were going to watch on our date, over whatsapp*
me : 1. Carrie - it's Stephen King's about a girl with pyrokinesis. It's kinda predictable,no?
2. Last Vegas - you've watched it already
3. The Icemen - rating on rottentomato is 60% something2 but people said it was boring
4. Catching Fire - you want to watch it but i know no sh1t about The Hunger Games. does it require a certain knowledge to watch it? if it does, can we skip this option? i hate flying blind over a movie, makes me feel stupid.
him : 'yep it does require a certain knowledge or you wont understand it. so we're down to 3 options'
me : 'am i being complicated?'
him : 'no'
me : 'Last Vegas?'
him : 'Last Vegas it is'
*INTP, ENTP and me, beer/boys/genderless night out*
me : I think I'm drunk
INTP : pfftt..you're just like all those girls. you think you're drunk, but you're not. you take drinking seriously'
ENTP : *didn't care, kept drinking, walking around, canvassing the place for girls*
on the way home, made a quick stop at a convenience store
me : 'do you have toothpicks?'
convenience store attendant : 'yo sis, you all right? you're wasted'
me to INTP & ENTP : do I look that drunk?
INTP : no //ENTP : yes
me : so which one?
INTP : judging from the fact that you're sober enough to make this conversation, you're not drunk
ENTP : *wtf?seriously?look at her face, dude!-look* to INTP
Right after taking a sip from my cup of tea...
ISTP: What? Come on... It's just a different brand.
Me: Where's the package?
Me: Hmm... There you go... Monosodium glutamate.
ISTP: What the... I thought they were using that crap "only" with...
Me: Apparently, not anymore.
ISTP: I don't know what to say... That's just... Whoa!
Me: That's why you should read the ingredients before buying something edible.
ISTP: I mean... Nobody is paranoid enough to expect that.
Me: Well... I'm paranoid enough to also read the serial numbers... Don't think... First, you should read... Then, you can think.
ISTP: So, does it taste any good?
Me: How can I accurately answer that question? It's already fucking with my neurotransmitters.
ESTP: This party's going to suck, the only person I know is Adrian.
Me: Adrian Brown?
ESTP: You know Adrian?
Me: Yeah, that's why I know his last name...
ESTP: HUHUHUHH SUCH A FUCKING SMART ASS, nah you're alright.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent, but I reckon this is a pretty stock interaction of INTJ-ESTP.