[INTP] How to Date (and Interpret) an INTP - Page 4

How to Date (and Interpret) an INTP

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This is a discussion on How to Date (and Interpret) an INTP within the INTP Articles forums, part of the INTP Forum - The Thinkers category; Originally Posted by Thumpher Hi. I am an INFJ female. I have been seriously dating an INTP man for several ...

  1. #31
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Thumpher View Post
    I am an INFJ female. I have been seriously dating an INTP man for several months. We are both in our midtwenties. Things are wonderful overall. We love each other. The last couple weeks we have had our first few arguments. The first was ...I don't even remember what it was about... We made up and everything has been wonderful. Today he got "irritated" with me. We talked about what happened and "agreed to disagree". He say we are okay but I feel like he is still a little upset with me. Is this normal for INTPs? He has said in the past that he doesn't like to talk about issues and he will just "get over" things. Does anyone have any advice?

    I need more affirmation that things are okay, but I don't want to push him. What can I do?
    Not sure if all intps are like this but I certainly can relate. On the one hand, sometimes people just really do things that irk me. I feel I am able to be bothered by things more than other types. In addition, it generally happens to a worse degree the closer I am with the person, particularly in a "relationship" relationship. It's usually stupid little things that seem like a big deal. The big problem I have is that it feels like the other person is stupid and shouldn't be doing the thing in the first place. I think "Ugh they're so stupid. Can't they see what they are doing is stupid?" But I'm introverted and reserved and rather than simply letting my feelings out I just fester on it and maybe it will bubble up a little bit but never really come out.

    I would say it's really a matter of immaturity. I used to be like this and am not so much any more. I'm not sure what can be done. For me personally I was just an asshole who thought he was right and got bothered when someone did something I thought was stupid or wrong. How do you make someone not immature? Idk. Open communication is the only thing I can think of. Say "when you say (insert thing here) I feel.... (insert feelings here)" ....or... "When you do (insert action here) I feel like you are (insert your impression of action here)" Also, it's a good idea to try to pry his thoughts and feelings out of him. Sometimes I can have alot of thoughts inside of me that I'm not necessarily unwilling to share, I just really need someone to help get them out. So communication and gentle (and depending on the person, strong) persistence is key.

  2. #32
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Good thread. To add to the beginning stages of an INTP liking you (only from personal experience):

    1.) When I first notice that I like somebody, I might withdraw into myself and ignore the person I like. I'm unsure of my feelings toward that person and am investigating the possibilities of this relationship. Should I be with this person, who are they really, do their values align with mine, what is the potential of our relationship, will their ties to me affect what I normally do, what kind of person are they in situation X, and so on? This is the testing stage. I want to observe this person to gather data. And I will analyze that data later on. I'm very careful not to let on whether I'm into them or not. This is mostly because I don't want to plunge into a relationship that is toxic or has no meaning or doesn't fulfill me or interferes with my personal goals. And I wouldn't want to invest energy in something that isn't beneficial.

    2.) Many do not survive the first stage. But if they do, my coldness melts away, and I actively want to be with them. I will make excuses to see them, even if only for a moment, and will talk to them more openly and deeply. I'll listen to them, ask them to do something with me, go to parties whenever they go, spend more time alone with them. If I feel safe enough to trust them and really enjoy being around them, I will become increasingly more open, honest, and vulnerable. It's either all or nothing.

    3.) The openness of our conversations increases so much that time seems fixed in an eternal sphere. I let out my romantic tendencies, attune to this person, care for them, treat them with respect and recognition as an individual. We develop a relationship of empathy, of mutual trust, understanding each other non-verbally, knowing how to be together with a profound silence. Our words are layered with the subtext of dreams. We have an affinity for each other, no matter how the relationship will end, or if it will continue on for years and years. We build each other positively, harmoniously.

  3. #33


    You may find this helpful, if you haven't seen it already.

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  5. #34

    Quote Originally Posted by joshman108 View Post
    Say "when you say (insert thing here) I feel.... (insert feelings here)" ....or... "When you do (insert action here) I feel like you are (insert your impression of action here)" Also, it's a good idea to try to pry his thoughts and feelings out of him.
    I'm not too sure about those things.

  6. #35

    That was some seriously intense reading. I feel all dully relaxed like after a skydive to be honest (by the content of course, not the amount).
    In the background of my thoughts was a constant "How come this woman whom never met me is teaching me so much about my own feelings".

    Well the fact that Fern isn't an INTP herself made it feel like sorcery or some emotional clairvoyance - got a little disappointed to see it had an external source with the catchphrase "By INTPs, for INTPs".

    Big thank you Fern. Will read more from that site.
    Sava Saevus thanked this post.

  7. #36
    INTP - The Thinkers

    I got a little bit turned on reading the OP

  8. #37

    Cross post, sorry.

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