[INTP] How do I know if this INTP likes me?

How do I know if this INTP likes me?

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This is a discussion on How do I know if this INTP likes me? within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Hello, everyone. By the title of this thread you probably already know what my situation is, but here it is ...

  1. #1

    How do I know if this INTP likes me?

    Hello, everyone.
    By the title of this thread you probably already know what my situation is, but here it is in detail: (btw, if it is of any constelation, I'm a 17 year old female INFP)
    Alright, well, I really (really) like this INTP guy from my school, but I honestly don't know whether he likes me or not and if I'm just reading too much into it. I've known him for 6 years now, but we only started talking/being friends about 1-2 years ago. We almost have the same way home, and even though there's a bus we can take, we almost always choose to walk home by feet. Therefore, we talk nearly every day, which is how I got to know him better and also the reason I'm falling in love with him. When we're talking, we either just go on about our day or we have an 'intellectual' conversation about an interesting topic. Depending on the situation, he sometimes can be (kinda) flirty (?) and teasing. At least I think he is. And even though I often feel like we're having a really great time walking home together, we don't really talk that often in school.. He often does something with other girls and barely pays any attention to me. If we talk, it's pretty random and not very important. Another thing that makes me feel insecure about this whole thing is that he didn't remember I had a certain class with him, even though I sit directly in front of him. I know, it's sort of stupid because we only had this class twice, and he felt really bad about it and said it wasn't anything personal, but still.. One thing that he did remember though is my birthday, even though my friend only mentioned it once in class. I don't know, it's just really confusing with him, because some days I feel like he's really into me, and other days, I feel like he really isn't. One last example of a situation between the two of us is from last week when we went to McDonalds with two other girls. At first I didn't wanna come, because one of these girls is a girl I think he might have a crush on, but when I said I didn't wanna come, it seemed like he didn't want to either. But then I finally did go, and (I think) he was being sort of flirty while we were eating (that sounds so weird but it was actually really cute). Oh, and another important thing to mention, is that just a few weeks earlier, he had sort of a thing going on with another girl (that is now clearly over) and since then, one of my friends (the other girl that was with us at McDonalds) has been trying to somehow get him a new gf or something (she's an esfj, lol). Anyway, that girl talked about that gf-thing again while we were at McDonalds, but he just sort of interrupted her and told her to stop trying, since 'he's able to get a gf on his own' (not his exact words, since this is a translation from german to english, but I hope you get the idea of it) and he just looked really nervous talking about that. I could name a few more situations like that, but I guess this is getting too long. I'm really sorry about this, as it could be easily solved by just asking him, but I'm really shy and insecure about the whole thing. So, my question(s) for you; Would you, as an INTP, do the same thing if you liked someone? How would you treat your crush differently from all the other girls (this one's important, as he's always talking to a lot of other girls and having fun with them too, etc.)? How should I proceed? Should I try to give him any subtile signs, or just get over myself and tell him? Thank you so much in case you read all of this, every answer is deeply appreciated. (Oh god, I just reread this whole thing and I sound so incredibly pathetic, it's not even funny anymore.)



  2. #2

    Not pathetic. I think you explained that well.

    I wouldn't worry about the indications that he might not care. For example, he didn't remember you had (have?) a certain class with him. Maybe he was paying attention to the lesson? It is school, after all. Sounds like he's good at focusing/compartmentalizing.

    My first guess is that he likes you--maybe even romantically--but isn't obsessed with you. Another possibility is that he likes you a lot but doesn't think he has a chance, so he's playing it cool.

    Quote Originally Posted by goodbyemoonmen View Post
    So, my question(s) for you; Would you, as an INTP, do the same thing if you liked someone? How would you treat your crush differently from all the other girls (this one's important, as he's always talking to a lot of other girls and having fun with them too, etc.)? How should I proceed? Should I try to give him any subtile signs, or just get over myself and tell him?
    Yes, I might do the same.
    I would probably be very shy with the crush. But since you are already friends, he isn't being shy with you.
    No subtlety please. I am extremely dense at reading signals or taking hints, and I think many INTPs are the same. Just tell him. Good luck!

  3. #3

    1. It's so funny that your name is goodbyemoonmen and you asked if it's any "constellation." I'm picturing like a cartoon character who is from space and she inserts astronomical homonyms in place of other words. Like, "I want to offer a sincere apogee." "I take umbra with what you're saying." That would be adorable, yes? I'm not making fun of your English. You should see my German. The word you want, by the way, is "consolation."


    2. You're a mass of hormones at 17. He is also. So asking a bunch of rationals what to do or how to interpret is probably not going to go well. Even we were crazy at 17. The short answer is you're going to have to ride this out, one way or the other. You have nothing to compare being a teenager to, so just trust old people when they say this is not, "you," this is a you-in-progress, and whatever you do, or he does, will be a link in the chain to that progress. So in that regard, no path is the wrong one. Turn 18. Then 19. Then 20. That's really all you have to worry about right now. If you roll around angsty on your bed all day dreaming of him, that's totally fine. If you start a gossip smear campaign against your rivals, believe it or not, that's okay, too. If you wind up getting him and getting your heart broken, that's going to be okay. If you wind up breaking his heart, same. So with that in mind:

    3.
    Quote Originally Posted by goodbyemoonmen View Post
    or just get over myself and tell him?
    If you want to stop mooning around about this (sorry), then...yes. But no one says you want to stop mooning. So just think of what you really want to do, and do that. You literally cannot lose as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
    goodbyemoonmen thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Thank you for your reply!
    Quote Originally Posted by islandlight View Post
    Another possibility is that he likes you a lot but doesn't think he has a chance, so he's playing it cool.
    Yeah, I've thought about that too. I mean, I don't give him any 'indications' either.. In the contrary; sometimes I can come off as a bit uninterested or annoyed, so maybe he thinks I don't really like him? I don't know. I think I'm just going to try to tell him, as you already suggested. Thank you again for your answer!

  5. #5

    Dunno, but I love your username. Wubba lubba dub dub!
    goodbyemoonmen thanked this post.

  6. #6

    We need to hire editors.
    DemonD thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ISFP

    I came to say I also like your username. Cheers and good luck with the INTP dude.

  8. #8

    If you break up this wall of text I will read it. From the first five sentences though, I'll just say that close friends can think that I'm flirting when I'm not.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by NipNip View Post
    We need to hire editors.
    Quote Originally Posted by sunlit View Post
    If you break up this wall of text I will read it. From the first five sentences though, I'll just say that close friends can think that I'm flirting when I'm not.
    Hello, everyone.

    By the title of this thread you probably already know what my situation is, but here it is in detail: (btw, if it is of any constellation, I'm a 17 year old female INFP).

    Alright, well, I really (really) like this INTP guy from my school, but I honestly don't know whether he likes me or not and if I'm just reading too much into it. I've known him for 6 years now, but we only started talking/being friends about 1-2 years ago. We almost have the same way home, and even though there's a bus we can take, we almost always choose to walk home by feet. Therefore, we talk nearly every day, which is how I got to know him better and also the reason I'm falling in love with him. When we're talking, we either just go on about our day or we have an 'intellectual' conversation about an interesting topic.

    Depending on the situation, he can sometimes be (kind of) flirty and teasing. At least I think he is. And even though I often feel like we're having a really great time walking home together, we don't really talk that often in school. He often does something with other girls and barely pays any attention to me. If we talk, it's pretty random and not very important.

    Another thing that makes me feel insecure about this whole thing is that he didn't remember I had a certain class with him, even though I sit directly in front of him. I know, it's sort of stupid, because we only had this class twice, and he felt really bad about it and said it wasn't anything personal, but still. One thing that he did remember though is my birthday, even though my friend only mentioned it once in class. I don't know, it's just really confusing with him, because some days I feel like he's really into me, and other days, I feel like he really isn't.

    One last example of a situation between the two of us is from last week when we went to McDonalds with two other girls. At first I didn't want to come, because one of these girls is a girl I think he might have a crush on. But when I said I didn't wanna come, it seemed like he didn't want to either. But then I finally did go, and (I think) he was being sort of flirty while we were eating (that sounds so weird but it was actually really cute).

    Oh, and another important thing to mention, is that just a few weeks earlier, he had sort of a thing going on with another girl (that is now clearly over) and since then, one of my friends (the other girl that was with us at McDonalds) has been trying to somehow get him a new gf or something (she's an esfj, lol). Anyway, that girl talked about that gf-thing again while we were at McDonalds, but he just sort of interrupted her and told her to stop trying, since 'he's able to get a gf on his own' (not his exact words, since this is a translation from german to english, but I hope you get the idea of it) and he just looked really nervous talking about that. I could name a few more situations like that, but I guess this is getting too long.

    I'm really sorry about this, as it could be easily solved by just asking him, but I'm really shy and insecure about the whole thing.

    So, my question(s) for you; Would you, as an INTP, do the same thing if you liked someone? How would you treat your crush differently from all the other girls (this one's important, as he's always talking to a lot of other girls and having fun with them too, etc.)? How should I proceed? Should I try to give him any subtle signs, or just get over myself and tell him? Thank you so much in case you read all of this, every answer is deeply appreciated. (Oh god, I just reread this whole thing and I sound so incredibly pathetic, it's not even funny anymore.
    NipNip and goodbyemoonmen thanked this post.


     

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