This is a discussion on Monogamic relationships, open relationships, polyamory... within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Longdove Yeah, I often think if people would take it as an insult if they went into ...
I prefer monogamous relationships.
I can't say I want children for sure but if I do I would want to be exclusive with the mother.
I think being there for your kids and mother should take priority over getting new vagina.
The key is simply choosing the right person to have children with.
I wouldn't want my partner with anyone else and thus I shouldn't expect to have the option either.
And you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else if you're in a monogamous relationship.
Many people call wanting to bang someone else love, but I don't.
Most people experience this phenomena a little after 2 years.
Short term sexual needs can be met with multiple partners but that is not what keeps a relationship going. Emotions needs must be met with stability and polyamogy cannot fulfill that. Lets not be quick to discredit monogamy because the divorce rate is 50%. Most people just don't know how to manage a monogamous relationship.
I don't need a relationship to develop feelings for someone. If I don't have feelings before a relationship, then I probably wouldn't start it anyway. But I think we have different approaches to what falling in love is, the weight it has on a relationship and the difference between lust and feelings.
Although I don't think suppressing lust forever is healthy either.
Lust is a feeling as is being enamored, those are what people experience in my opinion and they call it love.
Many people call the loss of those feelings "falling out of love" in their current relationship.
To me love is nothing like that...
Love is my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother has Alzheimer's my grandfather has cancer and heart disease, both of them broke their hips this year. I thought they would both die for sure, but they didn't. My grandfather doesn't want to go because he wants to take care of her even when he couldn't walk he kept on trying to get better for her sake not his. They've gone through some stuff in their life, lots of stuff, but what remains after all this time is both of them love each other. My grandmother doesn't even recognize me anymore but she knows my grandfather. She's comforted when he's around she's calm when he's around, she's just happier. They are both concerned and try to take care of each other in their own way and they both enjoy being with each other even with bodies that are hardly working anymore.
Infatuation isn't anything like love to me and there is no way you love someone because you had a couple chats with them, while you dated someone else.
I have a pretty strong stance on this, I think many people have an immature idea of what love is.
I also get that many F's have a "can't control who you love" stance, which is fine for them. I don't care to try and change it but they'll just have to learn the hard way that's not how it works.
I had the opportunity to meet many people who've been "happily" married for years and I can tell you it's not what younger people act like it is... and the old people will be the first people to tell you that too.
That's beautiful, what your grandparents have. I agree, that is love. And commitment. It takes a lot of work to make a relationship last that long.
But what I think is that, in the meantime, you have to make choices - choices of repressing emotions, of ignoring desires, in order to keep that relationship a monogamous one. And if love is really there, why should we repress anything? Shouldn't we understand and trust that the commitment is enough, despite whoever else is in the picture? Because in the long run, even when there is love, even when you don't act on your emotions for other people, they will be there at some point. Thinking about others could be considered cheating, too; at least, some see it that way.
Being in love and love are not the same to me. Love is a low-key, steady feeling, one you can have in a non-romantic way. Being in love is like passion, being completely drawn into someone in every way - but it burns out after a while, usually before a couple of years. And lust isn't a feeling, but an emotion.
The Differences of Emotions and Feelings in a Nutshell:
Feelings: Emotions: Feelings tell us “how to live.” Emotions tell us what we “like” and “dislike.” Feelings state:”There is a right and wrongway to be.“ Emotions state:”There are good and badactions.” Feelings state:“your emotions matter.” Emotions state:”The external worldmatters.” Feelings establish our long term attitudetoward reality. Emotions establish our initial attitudetoward reality. Feelings alert us to anticipated dangersand prepares us for action. Emotion alert us to immediate dangersand prepares us for action Feelings ensure long-term survival of self. (body and mind.) Emotions ensure immediate survival of self. (body and mind.) Feelings are Low-key but Sustainable. Emotions are Intense but Temporary. Happiness: is a feeling. Joy: is an emotion. Worry: is a feeling. Fear: is an emotion. Contentment: is a feeling. Enthusiasm: is an emotion. Bitterness: is a feeling. Anger: is an emotion. Love: is a feeling. Lust: is an emotion. Depression: is a feeling. Sadness: is an emotion.
Difference Between Emotions and Feelings - success motivation - Authentic Systems