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This is a discussion on Monogamic relationships, open relationships, polyamory... within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Longdove Yeah, I often think if people would take it as an insult if they went into ...

  1. #11
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by Longdove View Post
    Yeah, I often think if people would take it as an insult if they went into something agreeing and accepting that it'd only be for two years, they had their fill of each other, and then they go to the next person who they delight in.
    I'd rather let the feeling wear off than setting a deadline. It could take more or less time to happen, but if the deadline ends before the feeling does, it could do more harm than good. And if the feeling ended long before that, it would be a little unhealthy to keep going just because.

  2. #12

    I prefer monogamous relationships.
    I can't say I want children for sure but if I do I would want to be exclusive with the mother.
    I think being there for your kids and mother should take priority over getting new vagina.
    The key is simply choosing the right person to have children with.

    I wouldn't want my partner with anyone else and thus I shouldn't expect to have the option either.

  3. #13
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ the DC View Post
    I prefer monogamous relationships.
    I can't say I want children for sure but if I do I would want to be exclusive with the mother.
    I think being there for your kids and mother should take priority over getting new vagina.
    The key is simply choosing the right person to have children with.

    I wouldn't want my partner with anyone else and thus I shouldn't expect to have the option either.
    What if you were with someone for years, loved them, but fell in love with someone else too? It wouldn't be about getting some.
    donquixote thanked this post.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by CaMiMa View Post
    What if you were with someone for years, loved them, but fell in love with someone else too? It wouldn't be about getting some.
    I don't think you can fall in love with someone unless you're in a relationship with them.
    And you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else if you're in a monogamous relationship.
    Many people call wanting to bang someone else love, but I don't.

    Most people experience this phenomena a little after 2 years.
    Wasp, RoSoDude and DemonD thanked this post.

  5. #15
    INTP - The Thinkers


    Short term sexual needs can be met with multiple partners but that is not what keeps a relationship going. Emotions needs must be met with stability and polyamogy cannot fulfill that. Lets not be quick to discredit monogamy because the divorce rate is 50%. Most people just don't know how to manage a monogamous relationship.
    Wasp thanked this post.

  6. #16
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ the DC View Post
    I don't think you can fall in love with someone unless you're in a relationship with them.
    And you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone else if you're in a monogamous relationship.
    Many people call wanting to bang someone else love, but I don't.

    Most people experience this phenomena a little after 2 years.

    I don't need a relationship to develop feelings for someone. If I don't have feelings before a relationship, then I probably wouldn't start it anyway. But I think we have different approaches to what falling in love is, the weight it has on a relationship and the difference between lust and feelings.
    Although I don't think suppressing lust forever is healthy either.
    Deanna and Conclusion thanked this post.

  7. #17
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by theorycraft View Post
    Short term sexual needs can be met with multiple partners but that is not what keeps a relationship going. Emotions needs must be met with stability and polyamogy cannot fulfill that. Lets not be quick to discredit monogamy because the divorce rate is 50%. Most people just don't know how to manage a monogamous relationship.
    If most people don't know how to manage it... why do you think it's naturally better?
    Deanna, Conclusion and donquixote thanked this post.

  8. #18

    Quote Originally Posted by CaMiMa View Post
    I don't need a relationship to develop feelings for someone. If I don't have feelings before a relationship, then I probably wouldn't start it anyway. But I think we have different approaches to what falling in love is, the weight it has on a relationship and the difference between lust and feelings.
    Although I don't think suppressing lust forever is healthy either.
    Feelings for someone doesn't constitute love to me.
    Lust is a feeling as is being enamored, those are what people experience in my opinion and they call it love.
    Many people call the loss of those feelings "falling out of love" in their current relationship.
    To me love is nothing like that...

    Love is my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother has Alzheimer's my grandfather has cancer and heart disease, both of them broke their hips this year. I thought they would both die for sure, but they didn't. My grandfather doesn't want to go because he wants to take care of her even when he couldn't walk he kept on trying to get better for her sake not his. They've gone through some stuff in their life, lots of stuff, but what remains after all this time is both of them love each other. My grandmother doesn't even recognize me anymore but she knows my grandfather. She's comforted when he's around she's calm when he's around, she's just happier. They are both concerned and try to take care of each other in their own way and they both enjoy being with each other even with bodies that are hardly working anymore.

    Infatuation isn't anything like love to me and there is no way you love someone because you had a couple chats with them, while you dated someone else.
    I have a pretty strong stance on this, I think many people have an immature idea of what love is.
    I also get that many F's have a "can't control who you love" stance, which is fine for them. I don't care to try and change it but they'll just have to learn the hard way that's not how it works.

    I had the opportunity to meet many people who've been "happily" married for years and I can tell you it's not what younger people act like it is... and the old people will be the first people to tell you that too.
    Kitagawa Megumi, Wasp, theorycraft and 4 others thanked this post.

  9. #19
    INTP - The Thinkers


    Quote Originally Posted by CaMiMa View Post
    If most people don't know how to manage it... why do you think it's naturally better?
    Its not naturally better, its dependent on what you desire from other people. People have emotional needs now, more naturally so that sexual needs. If you think people tend to go after their short term sexual needs then monogomy works better. But I think people are rational and choose their emotional fulfillment over everything else.

  10. #20
    INFP - The Idealists


    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ the DC View Post
    Feelings for someone doesn't constitute love to me.
    Lust is a feeling as is being enamored, those are what people experience in my opinion and they call it love.
    Many people call the loss of those feelings "falling out of love" in their current relationship.
    To me love is nothing like that...

    Love is my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother has Alzheimer's my grandfather has cancer and heart disease, both of them broke their hips this year. I thought they would both die for sure, but they didn't. My grandfather doesn't want to go because he wants to take care of her even when he couldn't walk he kept on trying to get better for her sake not his. They've gone through some stuff in their life, lots of stuff, but what remains after all this time is both of them love each other. My grandmother doesn't even recognize me anymore but she knows my grandfather. She's comforted when he's around she's calm when he's around, she's just happier. They are both concerned and try to take care of each other in their own way and they both enjoy being with each other even with bodies that are hardly working anymore.

    Infatuation isn't anything like love to me and there is no way you love someone because you had a couple chats with them, while you dated someone else.
    I have a pretty strong stance on this, I think many people have an immature idea of what love is.
    I also get that many F's have a "can't control who you love" stance, which is fine for them. I don't care to try and change it but they'll just have to learn the hard way that's not how it works.

    I had the opportunity to meet many people who've been "happily" married for years and I can tell you it's not what younger people act like it is... and the old people will be the first people to tell you that too.

    That's beautiful, what your grandparents have. I agree, that is love. And commitment. It takes a lot of work to make a relationship last that long.

    But what I think is that, in the meantime, you have to make choices - choices of repressing emotions, of ignoring desires, in order to keep that relationship a monogamous one. And if love is really there, why should we repress anything? Shouldn't we understand and trust that the commitment is enough, despite whoever else is in the picture? Because in the long run, even when there is love, even when you don't act on your emotions for other people, they will be there at some point. Thinking about others could be considered cheating, too; at least, some see it that way.

    Being in love and love are not the same to me. Love is a low-key, steady feeling, one you can have in a non-romantic way. Being in love is like passion, being completely drawn into someone in every way - but it burns out after a while, usually before a couple of years. And lust isn't a feeling, but an emotion.

    The Differences of Emotions and Feelings in a Nutshell:

    Feelings:
    Emotions:
    Feelings tell us “how to live.” Emotions tell us what we “like” and “dislike.”
    Feelings state:”There is a right and wrongway to be. Emotions state:”There are good and badactions.”
    Feelings state:“your emotions matter.” Emotions state:”The external worldmatters.”
    Feelings establish our long term attitudetoward reality. Emotions establish our initial attitudetoward reality.
    Feelings alert us to anticipated dangersand prepares us for action. Emotion alert us to immediate dangersand prepares us for action
    Feelings ensure long-term survival of self. (body and mind.) Emotions ensure immediate survival of self. (body and mind.)
    Feelings are Low-key but Sustainable. Emotions are Intense but Temporary.
    Happiness: is a feeling. Joy: is an emotion.
    Worry: is a feeling. Fear: is an emotion.
    Contentment: is a feeling. Enthusiasm: is an emotion.
    Bitterness: is a feeling. Anger: is an emotion.
    Love: is a feeling. Lust: is an emotion.
    Depression: is a feeling. Sadness: is an emotion.

    Difference Between Emotions and Feelings - success motivation - Authentic Systems
    John Voris, donquixote and Modal Soul thanked this post.


     
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