So I’m a 21 year old college student who has recently developed some pretty strong feelings for this guy who is a INTP (or maybe ISTP, not completely sure), we’ll call him Reed. Reed is a brother in the fraternity that I recently became a sweetheart in (fraternity sweetheart =a girl who is recognized by a fraternity for outstanding qualities and service to the organization, usually good friends with the brothers.) If you’re not American you might not get this bit, sorry haha. I have recently become good friends with him through that organization and through mutual friends. Originally when we were first hanging out, I was not romantically interested in him at all (didn't speak to him very much at first), but as timed passed and I got to know him more I began to develop feelings for him. Anyways, recently I have been noticing behavior on his end that might suggest he could be interested in me as well, but I wanted to see what someone else thought (maybe from a guy’s perspective.) I have a lot of guy friends, but the majority of my close ones are also in that fraternity and it would probably be awkward to talk to them about it. I know it seems silly to ask a forum about this, but I suffer from pretty severe social anxiety and it’s really hard for me to put myself on the wire and confess my feelings to someone. I’m an INFJ if that helps explain any of these.
SO, I am going to try and list off all the information/situations I have experienced in the most un-biased and factual way that I can, so that hopefully y’all could help me figure this situation out and move forward. Thanks!
-About him- he’s a bit more introverted then some of our mutual friends, in more of a chill, un-preoccupied way. He is pretty sarcastic, and has a quirky sense of humor which I love. Very athletic, quick to say yes to random ideas/adventure or add on to them. I can tell that his mind is always moving super fast but for the most part he doesn’t speak on it too much. He’s very go with the flow, quiet, see what happens kind of guy. He does not like structure or conflict.
-When we speak to one another, we will usually make good eye contact. When I give him my undivided attention, he usually will smiles and hold my gaze, but look away after a few moments.
- for the most part, we can hold a good conversation. He looks to me often during group conversations, and we often sit next to each other. He doesnt care/ isnt bothered if I sit close to him or accidentally brush up against him. Note: the more I’ve gotten to known him, the more he has become more comfortable with having me in close proximity to him, which I assume is normal.
-While we dont text often (we’re both terrible texters) our conversations are usually lighthearted and fun. He will invite me to come with him on group outings. He has not asked me “out” yet (i.e “lets go somewhere just you and me” sort of deal)
-We are from the same home town. This is a point of discussion for us usually, and when I talk about our hometown he will usually pipe in to the conversation. Our college friends complain that all we do is make inside jokes about it. He has repeatedly mentioned hanging out at home over breaks but has never acted on that.
-When we are alone together, which is not super frequent but does happen, he is engaged in our conversations. We usually talk about family stuff, funny stories, random stuff, etc. Nothing extremely deep, but not “nice weather” conversation either. We have talked about stuff like future career plans, home life, etc. on a more deep plane. While drunk, he mentioned that he thought I’d like his mom and that we should meet.
-At parties, we usually do an equal amount of approaching one another. I can usually find him hanging around guys (playing beer pong, doing “bro” stuff) , but occasionally i will catch him watching me from across the room. When he’s done talking to someone, he doesn't have any hesitation about just getting up or walking away.
-While drunk, on the other hand, he becomes much more extroverted and is more willing to talk to and be near people. He often gets more touchy when he’s drunk (leaning his head on a shoulder, generally in closer proximity). As a funny comment, he mentioned (while hammered) that he thought one of my sorority sisters was into him. He was dissatisfied when I told him it was interesting but didn't comment on it further. I spent the latter part of that evening taking care of him, and noticed that at times he was watching me with a funny expression his face.
-He has a fair amount of friends that are girls, and he is a generally “nice guy” who many girls like. He’s not a player by any means, but many of my girl friends have commented on his attractiveness, both physical and personality wise. He is in “hot demand” lol.
-He has yet to make any sexual advances on me. Because of the fact that he is not usually inclined to social situations (unless drunk, which I don't view as an actual judge of character for the most part), I have not been able to discern whether or not he treats me differently than any of his other girl friends. Note: I am aware that this is a huge marker of attraction, which is why I feel I don't have the full picture.
-Overall, he flirts with me but I can’t tell if its in a friendly way or if he is genuinely interested in me or not. I joke around that he is kind of like a puppy in that he’s nice to most, and usually doesn't pass judgement on people until they’ve personally wronged him. In that sense he generally has a normal level of interest and affection that he treats people with. I’m just trying to figure out where I fit on that spectrum haha.