[INTP] How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again? - Page 4

How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again?

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This is a discussion on How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again? within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Nell ^ Hope is the emotion I fucking hate the most, because of the potential for cruelty ...

  1. #31

    Quote Originally Posted by Nell View Post
    ^ Hope is the emotion I fucking hate the most, because of the potential for cruelty and atrophy it holds.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBarlow View Post
    You're such an RPG geek.

    Have you seen my flail? It's like a pair of XL Ben Wa balls. Only spikier.

    One of these? Why would you own what is practically a magnet for overcompensation/homosexual jokes?

    But yeah...I once had to deal with an INTP with chronic pain who tried to feed me this bullshit about how "talking about emotions at all drained him/ aggravated the pain" ... fuck right off with that noise. It's like being "Allergic to mirrors".
    Yeah well, it makes my dick limp as well dude, but cheers to everyone else.
    DarkBarlow thanked this post.

  2. #32
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by Nell View Post
    I don't own a cat. I'm enough of a pain in the ass to maintain alive as is.

    How do you keep your cat alive and your counter structurally....uh...existent given that you're too hipster for spray bottles?
    The trick lies in constantly keeping your Word. Stay true to it long enough, often enough and she knows "You want some of this?" isn't to be taken lightly.

  3. #33

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBarlow View Post
    The trick lies in constantly keeping your Word. Stay true to it long enough, often enough and she knows "You want some of this?" isn't to be taken lightly.
    Is it really worth it to wreck your counter just to set a precedent for a cat?

    ....also isn't this too much effort/commitment ?
    DarkBarlow thanked this post.

  4. #34
    Unknown


    Quote Originally Posted by Nell View Post
    Is it really worth it to wreck your counter just to set a precedent for a cat?

    ....also isn't this too much effort/commitment ?
    This is why they make cutting boards.

  5. #35

    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyEnigmatic View Post
    I just meant only for the apology. If it's a normal conversation then the two should be able to freely speak about anything. There's really no point to an apology if you end up confusing the other party involved. Apologies tend to be higher stakes because the other party tends to be less inclined to respond. It'd be pretty hard for me to accept an apology if the other party says: ("Remember the good times we had?", yea but what about now? What are you going to do now?) Or ("Imagine what we can be, we had a amazing relationship", Okay, but what am I supposed to be picturing, two of us being friends or two of us dating or two of us hanging out?).
    @Mandy34
    Hopefully I didn't give you the wrong impression that you should always try to be logical. Talking about emotions is how any INTP grows (I think) and adapts to feelings. If you ever get back together, if you don't want to hold back emotions, don't ever hold them back (esp. if the reason is related to him). From experience, people talking about emotions freezes me up and I was unable to respond (it even comes across if I wasn't listening in the first place).
    The most important thing is to be you. I generally get more attracted to girls who aren't afraid to be themselves.
    I got an answer. Totally nice and civilised. That is when i understood there is nothing more to add. We are done and it is not because of any hard feelings. Simply because neither of us care anymore. I have a question though. Based on what I wrote, which of course is not the full picture, but still, do you think there ever was? I mean do you think he cooled down so quickly after I said I had someone else and that at the same time I still had feelings for him, because for him I was just a leftover fantasy from years ago, and when he saw things were getting real, he realized he didn’t actually care?
    Last edited by Mandy34; 01-14-2019 at 11:57 AM.

  6. #36

    It's quite hard to tell.
    Although I can say with 75% certainty that he did like you. Time can pass by without the INTP noticing. It might explain the differences in response times.
    For an INTP to ask a girl out takes a major stroke of courage (well for me at least). I usually play all the rejection scenarios and pump myself full of emotions. I like to keep emotions to the minimum. Also I like basing my judgments off of logic so when I ask someone out, I am kind of going against myself. (It's a lot more complicated than that but that is the gist of it).
    About emotions and keeping them to a minimum, I usually like to not experience them even if it means getting out of the relationship. I'm not saying that one bad thing about a person and bam I'm gone. I'm saying anything that prevents an actual relationship to form (like a person taken, lack of interest etc.).

    I don't know what his reaction is, so I'm spit balling here, but it was probably hopelessness that overcame him when things were getting real. (I'm assuming when you told him that you were dating someone else).

    But then again, I am using my own experiences to predict his behaviour. Take this with a grain of salt.
    Mandy34 thanked this post.

  7. #37

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy34 View Post
    Based on what I wrote, which of course is not the full picture, but still, do you think there ever was? I mean do you think he cooled down so quickly after I said I had someone else and that at the same time I still had feelings for him, because for him I was just a leftover fantasy from years ago, and when he saw things were getting real, he realized he didn’t actually care?
    He may have had the appearance of cooling down quickly, that doesn't nessecarily mean he doesn't care. He may care a great deal. You don't know and probably never will. He could have just realized that he would regret trying again.
    SimplyEnigmatic and Mandy34 thanked this post.

  8. #38

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy34 View Post
    I got an answer. Totally nice and civilised. That is when i understood there is nothing more to add. We are done and it is not because of any hard feelings. Simply because neither of us care anymore. I have a question though. Based on what I wrote, which of course is not the full picture, but still, do you think there ever was? I mean do you think he cooled down so quickly after I said I had someone else and that at the same time I still had feelings for him, because for him I was just a leftover fantasy from years ago, and when he saw things were getting real, he realized he didn’t actually care?

    You were platonic from the get go, told him you had someone else and admitted you didn't care. Why fixate on whether he cared or not?

  9. #39

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy34 View Post
    I did, it felt weird sharing too much. Anyway, we had a thing many years ago, it went nowhere. He kept appearing and disappearing and then I moved away. He tried to get back in touch a few months later I ignored him. Then He contacted me again a few years back, to apologise, and to asked me out.
    Ignoring someone like that doesn’t sound like the most holy thing to do, do you think that’s good behaviour? Why don’t you just talk to him?

    Then whilst drunk He wrote me he still had feelings for me. We don’t live in the same country, but I had to visit his city for other reasons and we decided to meet. It was great. After a few weeks he writes me he wants to give it a try, for real this time. I tell him he lost his chance, I have someone else, but I too still have feelings for him.
    Things between us were only platonic

    Sounds like you’re confused at where you stand or what you feel. Are you platonic or do you have feelings? Be conclusive.

    He said I shouldn’t because he doesn’t have any for me. I suggest we can be friends. He likes the idea, he writes me, but when I write him, he answers messages after a long time or not at all. I tell him goodbye. But I feel stupid about it, plus I don’t understand, if he just needs time/ he lost interest because I have someone else or he never cared. Anyway i’d like to be friend with him, that is why I want to fix this goodbye forever situation. But maybe it is not such a good idea after all

    Sounds like since you’re with someone else, you also are not in a position to initiate a relationship with him. What do you think would be the best option for someone else in your position? If someone had feelings for another, what would they need to do to get some form of resolve?

    The only way for me to get any resolve was to grow some internal rigidity, have a proper conversation with the other, and talk to the other clearly about one’s position and what they wanted , in the friendship with the other guy. Ignoring someone you are, at least friends with, is never a good idea. Too many repressed emotions and unanswered questions. People need much more resolve than that.


     
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