[INTP] How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again?

How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again?

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This is a discussion on How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again? within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Hi, INFJ here. So I made a mess with an INTP, and I have no clue on how to fix ...

  1. #1

    How do an INFJ get an INTP to be interested again?

    Hi,

    INFJ here. So I made a mess with an INTP, and I have no clue on how to fix it. We had a thing it didn’t work out. I asked to be friends, it was strange. Besides every time I wrote him, it took him forever to answer. I grew tired, I told him goodbye for good. But I regretted it. I haven’t been in touch since, but I want to. It’s just that if I make the wrong move it’s over. Any INTP’s advice?
    Last edited by VS_Admin; 03-25-2019 at 09:21 PM.



  2. #2

    It could be many things.
    Although if you have someone, getting someone else to be interested in you is just plain selfish.

    Anyways,
    1. INTPs tend to be really bad at texting. They can receive a text and think I'll text that person later, and then end up not doing it
    2. The relationship between the two of you has taken an emotional toll on him.
    3. He realized that you are into someone else. INTPs tend to run from feelings. Best way to not experience a feeling is to avoid the situation altogether
    4. He met someone else.

    I am only basing it off what you have written, I don't have the full story.
    I think the only way to reconcile with him is if you are living in the same city/town. Say what your intentions are and try to stay logical as possible. Saying you did something because you are mad will probably confuse him. (I know it confuses me, even the most basic actions based off of emotions).
    If you are still cities apart, I would try to forget about him because it's not worth moving to another city. If you want, you can send him a letter.

    Also avoid doing anything that makes something final, like saying goodbye forever.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy34 View Post
    Hi,

    INFJ here. So I made a mess with an INTP, and I have no clue on how to fix it. We had a thing it didnít work out. I asked to be friends, it was strange. Besides every time I wrote him, it took him forever to answer. I grew tired, I told him goodbye for good. But I regretted it. I havenít been in touch since, but I want to. Itís just that if I make the wrong move itís checkmate. Any INTPís advice?
    Can't help you without specifics. I advice you give us specifics.
    Twichl thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Sorry, I am new to the forum and I have difficulties using the quote function
    Last edited by Mandy34; 01-06-2019 at 09:26 AM.
    xraydav thanked this post.

  5. #5

    [QUOTE=SimplyEnigmatic;42958627]It could be many things.
    Although if you have someone, getting someone else to be interested in you is just plain selfish.

    I meant as a friend, but I guess it would still be pretty selfish. I just want to at least apologise for the way I behaved, but maybe that would be pointless. What do you think?

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy34 View Post
    I meant as a friend, but I guess it would still be pretty selfish. I just want to at least apologise for the way I behaved, but maybe that would be pointless. What do you think?
    If you want to apologize then apologize, but don't try and drag them back into your life.
    We can't give specific help without having specifics. But on a guess, I would guess that dragging them back would hurt them more.
    islandlight and s2theizay thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP

    Was it all about the texting? I guess you edited/deleted the details.

  8. #8

    I did, it felt weird sharing too much. Anyway, we had a thing many years ago, it went nowhere. He kept appearing and disappearing and then I moved away. He tried to get back in touch a few months later I ignored him. Then He contacted me again a few years back, to apologise, and to asked me out. Then whilst drunk He wrote me he still had feelings for me. We don’t live in the same country, but I had to visit his city for other reasons and we decided to meet. It was great. After a few weeks he writes me he wants to give it a try, for real this time. I tell him he lost his chance, I have someone else, but I too still have feelings for him. He said I shouldn’t because he doesn’t have any for me. I suggest we can be friends. He likes the idea, he writes me, but when I write him, he answers messages after a long time or not at all. I tell him goodbye. But I feel stupid about it, plus I don’t understand, if he just needs time/ he lost interest because I have someone else or he never cared. Anyway i’d like to be friend with him, that is why I want to fix this goodbye forever situation. But maybe it is not such a good idea after all

  9. #9

    P.S. I didn’t move away because of him. That was in my plans from the beginning. Things between us were only platonic and I want him in my life because, when he is around is when I am at my best. Everyone around me notices it. Plus he really matters to me.

  10. #10

    I don't believe in being friends with exes. However, I have one ex (from 10+ years ago) who lives far away. He always sends me a birthday email, asks if I'm okay if there is a local earthquake or bad storm, etc., or gives me news about mutual acquaintances. When another friend of mine needed help in his area of expertise, I knew I could ask him.

    So you could be like my ex--send seasonal greetings, or send him links to items of interest. Keep it light, and don't say anything emotional.

    If you want to apologize, that's fine.

    However, no matter what you do, don't expect him to respond enthusiastically. He might not forgive you, or he might not need more friends in his life these days. Or he might not know what to say. We are INTPs, after all.
    Twichl thanked this post.


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