[INTP] Reading people

Reading people

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This is a discussion on Reading people within the INTP Forum - The Thinkers forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; What behavioral signs do you observe in people? I think we are the type with a very keen eye on ...

  1. #1

    Reading people

    What behavioral signs do you observe in people?

    I think we are the type with a very keen eye on this stuff, so let's share our findings.
    They could be verbal signs (the way people phrase stuff) and, of course, non-verbal signs (body language).

    Now, I am not looking for the typical ones you find in any book on the subject (pupil dilation, folded arms, "watch the feet", ..). No, I am more interested in a page out of your personal diary; more unique traits that you find interesting and/or have proven helpful in your own life.


    _

    I will start off with 'The blink'.

    Quite a theoretical one, I know, but in my experience one of the most reliable ones -- as, perhaps, it behaves as a micro-expression (almost impossible to control), while it displays itself in a very obvious way.

    Advice: Whenever you see the see the blink, you can be pretty damn sure the subject did not like that question.
    Of course, the reason why will often be obscure, but you do have your information that some aspect of what you said caused little to extreme distaste to what you said.


    Great example happened during a date:

    We were discussing her job (pharmacist) and it turned out that, X amount of years ago, she had moved from one pharmacy at village A to a different pharmacy at village B. The natural question followed, I asked her: "Why?"
    Blink. Blink-blink-blink.
    The answer came quite hesitantly (verbal sign on top of blink), telling me facts like "distance" and "travel", which in truth were half-answers at best. And at the end of those awkward lines she dropped some sort of 'conclusion': "Yes, that's, actually, the main reason..." (verbal sign 2? -- something to do with trying to convince?)
    Seeing that it made her uncomfortable, I dropped the topic.

    So what was this discomfort about? 3 .. 2 .. 1, no more bets.
    She later confessed that, at the time, she went to move in with her boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend).
    And on top of that (the subject she was desperate to avoid), it turned out she still lived with the guy, as friends, almost a year after they had split up.
    (Naturally afraid for my reaction. And also, it showed how much trouble she has letting go.)


    Example number two:

    At a restaurant just yesterday, I asked for 'the plat du jour'. Owner told me "vegetarian lasagna". I blinked once. Didn't hate it, but the "vegetarian" part was a slight turn off. The owner perhaps subconsciously answered to 'the blink', recognizing it didn't look like my absolute favorite, and proceeded to explain the entire cooking process.
    (I did end up ordering one, and it was super tasty. So well done.)
    Last edited by NipNip; 06-27-2019 at 01:00 AM.
    Folsom, Necrofantasia, Aridela and 4 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I don't think that I'm better at recognising small cues from people. I know that I have definitely been in positions where people have wanted me to go away, but I've never picked it up in their body language. I also know that people have tried to flirt with me, but I have never noticed someone flirting with me in the moment.

    I'm quite oblivious to that kind of thing.

    The most I think I can do is subconsciously compare how someone is behaving now to the previous times we have been around one another.

    It should be pretty obvious to anyone, but if someone is usually talkative and then this time they are looking at the ground with their hands in their pockets, something is probably wrong.
    It needs to be what most people would probably call an overt change for me to recognise it.

  3. #3

    Great thread. Decoding body language is like unearthing secrets, so I'm hooked on this kind of information. Cues, microexpressions, body language. The less conscious the better. I trust what comes out of people's mouth only about 20% unless it's a procedural conversation.




    I pay a lot of attention to how people buy time in their conversations. IE: How people buy time to speak as they are talking. Some people buy time via verbal tics ("Um"s, "Ah"s, "Like" "Kinda" and even swearing), some do so by walking you through their thinking process (I love folks that do this, because conversations acquire a collaborative dynamic that Ne and Fe appreciate) .

    The use of verbal tics can be due to slow recollection, social/verbal rustiness or it can be deception. Once you get used to their "time buying" patterns in verbal speech and how they address this need, it's easy to tell when something's amiss. People that don't do these things are just as fascinating because the moment they introduce pauses in their speech, it gets your attention right away.
    Last edited by Necrofantasia; 06-26-2019 at 06:19 PM.

  4. #4

    My job involves knowing when people are selling cliches vs. being real, and I mostly look for verbal cues. This is mostly about active listening and prompting, where people, having to think on their feet, will choose certain words.

    For instance, you could look for nuances like "that's true" (I agree that it's a fact), "that's right" (I actually also kind of like that that's true), "you're right" (true and I will give you some power by saying you yourself are truthful), "correct" (it's true and I dgaf beyond that).

    People often have information they want to share at the tip of their tongue.

    My favorite body language thing is the upwards-to-the-left glance. I believe it's the left as it's associated with brain recollection, so this habit usually indicates something juicy is about to be said. 'Mirroring' can get people to talk.
    The Edwardian Spirit, NipNip and Rong Wong thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTP

    My way of reading people is like logical connection, I connect their facial expressions, message in their eyes and words. After connecting the dots, I draw conclusions like what the object's opinions of me, I can also spot lies and someone's true purpose that they try to hide.

  6. #6

    A good way to read what kind of person you're interacting with, is by checking how they treat those with less power than themselves.
    Serving staff, in particular cleaning help, children, animals, the elderly. How they treat them and how they speak of them are pretty key indicators of who they are, what they want in life, their maturity and what you can expect from them.
    strawberryLola, DarkBarlow, Rong Wong and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Necrofantasia View Post
    A good way to read what kind of person you're interacting with, is by checking how they treat those with less power than themselves.
    Serving staff, in particular cleaning help, children, animals, the elderly. How they treat them and how they speak of them are pretty key indicators of who they are, what they want in life, their maturity and what you can expect from them.
    And what character treats (virtues) would you say are in direct proportion to the respect and kindness towards those people?

    Or am I answering my own question here...

    Well: Does 'bad' point to 'bad' character, or isn't it all smooth conversion?

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by NipNip View Post
    And what character treats (virtues) would you say are in direct proportion to the respect and kindness towards those people?

    Or am I answering my own question here...

    Well: Does 'bad' point to 'bad' character, or isn't it all smooth conversion?
    As is the case with everything, your milleage may vary.

    The patience they have with such folk may betray what you can expect from them at their worst, because the only reason most people have to respect someone they have power over and no stakes on (ie, not a date or a friend) is their own personal standards.

    It also shows you what sort of "background thoughts" they may be in the event of mental illnesses or unemployment or any form of dependency or vulnerability on your end. There's nothing like vulnerability to get to know someone, or to have someone get to know you. Homeless folk are excellent for checking self-awareness for this reason.

    The consideration they have for the work others in any kind of serving/caretaking role also shows more or less how much they prioritize "trappings" like wealth and status over character. It also shows their relationship with power. Talking down to such staff usually tells you the person has a hierarchical mentality operating in the background and uses power in lieu of any substantial character traits to stand out.

    It also betrays any kind of controlling, entitled or narcissistic tendencies, as there are folk that genuinely don't know how to respond to unfavourable outcomes besides lashing out in some way or another at those they deem to seem responsible.

    It may also betray a lack of openness, as the person diminishes the importance of who someone is or what they do to mask ignorance of the world outside their own domain of expertise. White collar people and programmers/IT are especially bad about this IME. Any highly specialized/high job security role can cause people to become self important.

    It also gives you an idea of how thoughtful they are by default and whether or not they have a case of head-up-own-ass syndrome. i.e Taking others' work for granted, not thinking of the effort/challenges it takes to do the work they do, not considering what things may be like without their efforts, not considering that there's a person behind every role, with lives, potential health issues and stories to tell. The worst of the bunch just use blanket stereotypes to answer these kinds of questions or never even consider this stuff, thinking harassment is justified "because they get paid to do this"

    Ooh, almost forgot, the initial assumptions of people when it comes to any of the entities I mentioned also speaks of their ability to trust, especially when it comes to the judgment of others. It's pretty easy for someone who sees someone else as different or less powerful to assume their prime motivation is parasitic or dishonest. Us Vs Them mentalities and normalized bigotry tend to also come along with this behaviour.

    Basically with family, dates and acquaintances it's been a great way to figure out what sort of bullshit a particular person will send my way long term if I choose to let them get close to me.
    Last edited by Necrofantasia; 08-29-2019 at 12:05 PM.
    Shrodingers drink thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Im very good at reading body language, and very bad at hiding my microexpressions.

  10. #10

    When I want to get to know people better I quietly observe them talking to other people or in groups (that's even better). If i'm talking to them directly I may not pick up on as many of the visual observations since I'd be more engaged in the actual conversation. Things I notice most are hand gestures, changes in expression (mostly in the eyes/eyebrows), stance/posture, how far apart someone stands from others (or rather, what their acceptable limit on personal space is), physical tics if there are any, and agreement/disagreement of head nodding to what someone is saying. Verbally I note the difference in tones of voice or pace depending on the topic or who someone is talking to, and any changes in verbiage they choose to use.
    MaysInfectious and ethylene thanked this post.


     
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